Can't get over him...Please Help!

[Ash55]

Hi, I've been reading up on a few posts and it sounds as if this is the place to get some good advice and to let some pent up emotions out...so here goes nothing. See, I was seeing this guy and we were extremely close. Then all of a sudden it was like he died. He stopped calling and didn't return any of my calls. I was devastated. I cried constantly and always wondered what I must have done wrong. I eventually told myself to just replace him, to go through the motions and eventually it'll be real. So I met a new guy, although I couldn't stop thinking of or missing the other guy. Well, then one day he called. He told me that he missed me and that he was just so busy and that he couldn't call because he got in major trouble for sneaking out and totaling his car. So I told him what happened and he gave me a giant guilt trip and said that we'd never be together again. It was a difficult relationship to begin with(he lived 40 min. away). So I asked him if we could just "try" to fix things. He said only if I broke up with the other guy. So I did, instantly. Then we began talking again, and we decided to get back together. He was the best guy ever and I was completely in love. Then it happened again. He was gone. disappeared in thin air. I still get the occasional call about one a month. But I still miss him and I haven't been able to move on. I still read his e-mails, and I sleep with his old shirt every night. Basically, I want to get over him. I want to have fun. So if anyone has advice I'm more than happy to hear it. Thanks!

[sara123]

Wow...it's amazing how much I have in common with the people in this forum...I had a boyfriend that just disappear like that a couple years ago. We went out for about 4 months. Then he just stopped calling. He didn't return my phone calls. I was devestated...I cried constantly. At one point I thought he did die and I was really worried, but realized he didn't when I talked to one of his friends. I kept thinking that something was wrong with me.

 

After a long time...I just became tired of feeling bad about myself, and blaming myself for him leaving. I realized that I deserved better than this, and that I wasn't gonna let some guy run my life. If he truly cared about me, he wouldn't put me through this. Then about four months later he called and apologized and wanted to start over again. He told me he'd been through a lot of stuff, and that's the reason he never contacted me...He was ashamed and couldn't face me. Luckily, it had been enough time for me to realize that I didn't feel the same way I did before...I survived four months without him and I was over him. Even though I wasn't in a relationship at the time...I told him no we should jus be friends. He finally got the message.

 

It's clear that you wanna get over him. So I think you have to make a serious effort to get over him. Put all the thinks that remind you of him away in box in your attic..or someplace you won't be tempted to find it. Delete his emails or put them in an account you don't normally open. It doesn't help you get over someone if you have things around that remind you of him. Go out with friends, do what you did when you first broke up date other people.

 

I think the best thing is time, jus give it some time. I know that this guy means alot to you, and truth be told...I don't think that people like that ever really leave our hearts completely...but you gotta be honest with yourself he hasn't treated you right and you deserve someone that will be there for you and not disappear. Hope this helped...Take care of yourself!!!

[Finzsoftie]

 

 

First of all, I know exactly how you feel! I too at one stage of my life went out with someone who just kept disappearing on me, then when he would reappear then I would drop everything and everyone just for a little bit of paradise or 'love' with him. then he would disappear all over again.

 

You know it's sad, one of my favourite poems (a male) described his love for women - "the more one loves a woman, the more she does not love him back"

 

WHich is true, in a lot of cases not only for women, but for men. My relationship always ended up with me crying and wondering what in the world happened to him!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

 

Well, firstly, if you do want to get over it, why are you still sleeping with his shirt? Can you not just change everything in your life? Come to a point say, hey stop this emotional drainage I am going to live like I want to live. Those who loves more always gets dominated by the other in the relationship.

 

THrow his shirt away, change your phone number. And before you know it, he will not only be running after you but he will be begging. But as long as you dont wait for it. That is when it is going to happen. Remember....... make yourself the person you want to be, and then everything will happen for you.

 

If you want to chat the PM me!

All the best!

 

[russia]

this is what happens when you let your heart rule your head

 

and as a guy, i can tell you logically, that you know what's going on, but you just can't get him out of your system.

 

the system check tells you you need a reformat:

1. you cry a lot

2. he disappears, again

3. he's got problems he can't tell you then, only months later when he resurfaces?

 

so here's a few tips for system reformat:

1. don't change your number. it's not your problem. if you changed your number, he's still your problem. unless he is stalking you, harassing you, then be very very afraid.

2. don't change your number, but don't answer the phone either. get an answering machine, set the playback volume to zero so that when people call, you can't hear them leaving the message. then when you do check your machine, turn the volume back up. if you hear his voice, just press "delete". that's part of reformatting your system. keep score of the deletes. if you can detect and delete within 2 seconds, give yourself a pat on your back. if you weaken and listen to the whole message, or even pick up the phone to call him, then i give up on you.

3. take his stuff and donate them to charity. i am a firm believer in recycling. at least his stuff will be of use to someone else instead of making you mope

4. but guess what? nothing you do matters. it's all a matter of choice and attitude, and it's all up there in your mind. if you want to hold on to him, you will. but if you can get your logic working, you'd realise that it was just a dream. yes, reality sucks. he's gone, and you have to get back to dating, living, etc.

[Ash55]

Thanks for all of your help guys! I really appreciate it and I will take all of it to heart. I feel a bit better all ready! Thanks!