She's Moved Out, But Says That Things Are Going To Work Out?

[missingthebears]

So, my saga continues... Please read and let me know what you think. The advice and opinions I've received here have always helped tremendously, and they're really appreciated. Seriously.

 

Story is... My girlfriend of almost 7 years and I have been having a really tough time together lately. She cheated a while back, and a bunch of other stuff too, and just seems full of self-hatred and is depressed. When I found out, I was shocked and hurt but told her that if she still loved me that I wanted to work through it. She said she did still love me, and that she wanted to be with me, and what she had done was a stupid mistake. BUT that she didn't want to hurt me anymore, blah blah, and was going to move out of our place back to her parents' house to "find herself" or "get better" or something like that. Full details from another snapshot in time are [link removed

 

So anyway, we've stayed living together for like a month and a half since this happened. I (being the schmuck that I am) even offered to help her move her stuff back to her folks' place. She originally planned on moving in early September, but then delayed that, and then planned on moving at the end, and that got delayed, and I was starting to wonder if she wasn't having second thoughts. In the meantime, we were having a good time together, just basically like normal. As things progressed she said that she didn't want to be broken up any more but instead be "separated" for a little while and see how things went.. With the intention of coming back or us moving somewhere else together (more likely, since we both want to get out of the city) in a few months' time. And more recently, she's said that she definitely wants to be with me after a couple months and is 100% planning on coming back. So I sort of got my hopes up...

 

But now she's actually gone through with the move. I took her up on Saturday, stayed the night (slept in her room with her even, her parent's must think this is pretty damn weird), and left in the morning.. In a little bit of a hurry, since I felt really awkward when some of her parents friends came over. Does she really mean what she's saying? Or is she telling me that it will work because she thinks that is what I want to hear and doesn't want to "hurt me" any more? (I've actually asked her this point blank and she rolls her eyes and tells me of course not) Or does she not know herself? The confusion of the whole thing is killing me but I really want to be with her...

 

So.. she says she'll call and is supposed to come down on a bus next weekend even to go to a wedding with me (one of our friends from college) and wants to see each other regularly, like twice a month on weekends. But... no call last night, which I would have expected, even with her being as forgetful as she is. I've resolved not to call her, and I know I'm reading way deeper into everything than I should be, but it's hard, you know?

 

So it's like we're back to long distance dating if this works out I guess, which is sort of weird anyway. At first we weren't sleeping together but that changed over the course of the month she stayed. And we're still not kissing on the mouth which I find really odd given that she'll sleep with me and kiss me on the neck, but she said (in an emotional crying session once) that it just doesn't feel right yet and that she wants the next kiss to be really, really spectacularly special.. wants it to be significant and special. So okay, I guess.. what can I say to that?

 

Also, to further complicate things, I'm in a situation where I need to pretty much move out of my (our) current place in Jan/Feb timeframe so I guess that's when she'll have to have made a decision by, but in the meantime it's just killer not having her here. Tons of her stuff is still here because (a) we couldn't fit it in the truck, and (b) she says that she'll still be partially living here and wants me to keep our mutual stuff so it'll be easier to move when we find another place anyway. We'd both talked about it (both pre and post trauma) and wanted to move out to the "country" (heh) and buy or rent a modest house, get a dog, do the settling in thing, etc. Which if you'd asked me about it two years ago I'd have said no way but right now feels pretty damn promising.

 

I know that's sort of a jumbled recollection of the whole story, but that's sort of how my brain works now: spatterings of thought here, spatterings there. I'm really weirded out that she didn't call last night.. sort of took that harder than I should have. I'm also really confused about what it is that she wants and feel that I'm screwing things up by asking more questions and trying to actively find out.. But what a mess it is just "taking it one day at a time"... Especially when there are a thousand other things up in the air about your life. This was like the one thing that I thought was relatively stable... A lot of my friends think I'm retarded and that this will never work, but I have to believe it can because I love this girl so damn much. She's everything to me.

 

Oh yeah, our 7 year anniversary is 2 weekends from now too.

 

What do you think? Am I completely retarded here?

[msphatbooty]

i noticed that your topic has gone unanswered, but i think maybe a lot of us are just as confused with this situation as you are. at first i was thinking she was just trying to hold on to you and string you along, but then i was thinking why would she leave half of her stuff at your place. maybe she really does need sometime to collect herself and she doesnt want to lose you. that is not advice it is just a possiblity. hang in there.