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Best Friend who loved me had moved on...

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Sigh... Here we go. This is going ot be a long one guys but please stay to help me out. I am a senior in highschool right now. I know. I know i have my whooole life ahead of me. When i was a sophomore, I met this kid and we got along so well. His personality was so dynamic and wonderful and after a while he told me he really liked me and asked me out. But, I didnt feel like i wanted to go out with him. He had a pretty bad reputation with people in school "eww him? he touches girls butts." lol. It was true though and everyone knew him. I know now that that was the main reason why i didnt go out with him. Though, I still wanted to be friends with him because i could look past everything that everyone was saying about him and we got along great. I helped him get over a girl and i had just reciently got out of a relationship too. We became friends with benifits and kept it a secret from everrryone. That lasted until that summer, when he told one of his friends that we had sex, and we had not. I found out about it and he lied to my face until he finally admitted it. So i rold him we were done and didnt talk to him alllll summer. Aparently as he said he was very depressed. We had band camp right before school and he was back to his normal self fliring with all the girls and even started liking a girl. At band camp he got in a minor accident. (junior year now) so i pulled over and asked if he was alright. We started talking again and then he told me about this girl he liked and my heart and stomach dropped. I was shaking over the phone and started talking about the past and made him like me again... It was never the same form there. We were so close all year but we would fight constantly. He was verbally abusive and even shoved me several times. It was a very crazy year and i was not happy. I did not love him but i wanted to and tried so hard to. WE didnt talk for two weeks at the end of school and then we started tlaking again sigh... And then we had last summer. We figured out that he tried so hard to get me to love me and I that i wasnt going to, was the reason why he would get so crazy. We started fighting again and he was getting very aggresive with me and verbally aggressive too. I would drive home crying almost everytime i left his house. Then for the last time he cussed me out and i said we were done for good. Of course he didnt believe me but i was serious and went into my senior not even looking at him. It was hard to keep up not talking to him but i knew it was for the best of both of us. Now 4 months into the school year we started talking again. He keeps bringing up this new girl that he likes so much but she is stuck on her X but he reallllly rubs it in my face about her. I try to ignore it as much as possible though. We even started the benifits deal again, but he has said before that he has no feelings for me anymore just a physical attraction. I could not understand how that is possible. I cant tell if he doenst have feelings for me or does because he will do something he used to do and then blow it away with something meaning that he is over me. He goes back and fourth between these two personalities and i dont know what he's doing. I met a guy, but it didnt work out. I know for a fact that he was very jelous though. I just want him to be happy because i felt so bad that i never loved him the same. But i wish he would not be so crule to me about it. I know i should move on and stuff and i have sort of but i would have to break this off agaaaaiin.. Im just so confused of what he's feeling. It seems like he likes me still but then it doesnt. I I wish it were that easy for me to move on from somebody. Just start liking someone else. Im very picky though and I probably wont be meeting anyone until i go to colege. I am ok with that though. I am having a good time this year, but I just cant deal with this guy liking another girl. I can. I just dont want to hear it. I lose my apatite whenever i think about it and cry a lot too. I just dont understand that if i didnt love him why do i still care.

Like i said we are doing the benifits thing and acts like he cares for me and still, but then shows me video of this new girl. That just hapened today.

Thank you for reading this. I appreacite it very much.

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if he doesn't treat you right, then he's not a good friend. you say he's been verbally abusive & physically abusive towards you & any real friend would not be like that. i think that the last time you told him your friendship was over, it really should have been. this guy is a jerk. you arent supposed to make your friends try to be jealous of you & you also can't make yourself love someone. i know its hard to let go, but you have to. i used to have a friend, we were like best friends, then he started acting like a jerk by saying mean things to me & making up stories about me. i didn't want to just not be his friend, but i realized that why should i be his friend when he does things like that to me? he was not a good friend & i deserved better than that. now i don't talk to him or anything & im so much happier that i don't have to deal with him & i feel better about myself that i don't have to hear those mean things. you & this guy are not meant to be together because you don't love him & he can try all he wants, but he can't make you love him. the way he treats you is not nice & i don't see why you want to stand it.

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