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mermayd
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OK, well, some of you know a little about my background. But for those of you who don't, let me fill you in a bit.

My boyfriend and I just moved 500 miles away from home to ggo to shcool. We are living in an apt. together. I couln't everr imagine myself with anyone else and we love eachother more than anything.

The situation? Well, new school, new friends, new everything. I have never had a problem makeing new friends anywhere I go or had any problem adapting to new places. I was always jumping from place to place as a kid. The thing is, for as long as I can remember, most of my friends were guys. I would occasionally have a girlfriend here and there but the majority were guys. I have never felt any sort of romantic interest in my guy friends and if I had before we became friends, I would mentally put a huge red flag on them. I always cherished friends and never wanted to screw things up by dating. So I talked to my boyfrriend about this, I told him that all my life I have been this way and explained that once we start school, I don't want him to be concerned that I was intending anything oher than a friendship with people if I started becoming friends with guys. I just wanted to make sure that he didn't start getting concerned if I became friends with males that I would leave him or anything like that because U love him deeply and besides, I never did that with my friends even if I were single. So the problem is his response. He said that he doesn't really want me to make guy friends. When he said this I thought he meant NO guy friends but he just wants me to make more girlfriends than guys. I can understand this because I wouldn't want all of his friends to be girls. But the thing is, that I know how most girls work. I also know there are a lot of girls out there that aren't this way, but the majority of girls that I meet are manipulative, deceiving, and so on. Not people that I would want to associate with and definitely not people that I would trust with my boyfriend. I trust him, but not them, I know they'd try to make a move or something, and he'd reject it but that's not the point. If he made only girl friends and none of them were this way, they were all easygoing and not competitive and respected boudaries, then I wouldn't have a problem with them being his friends. But I know that 8 of 10 girls ARE this way. Sure, there are also the guys that are only after one thing, but I have always been able to sniff them out a mile away to avoid them. He on the other hand has not been able to avoind these types of girls, since they put on such a good front. So now I feel like I will hardly have any friends when we start school because I refuse to be friends with a girlt hat I dont trust and I know that I will only find a few that I do and I can't make the majority of my friends guys because my bf will get weird. I have talked to him about this and this is the only resolution he wants to give me. Can anyone give me some advice...PLEASE! ANY insight will help. thanx!

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OK, I don't know you and I know it would be very annoying if I pretended that I did know what you're about.

 

So instead, I will tell you what I think about girls I know who have mostly male friends.

From the examples I've seen, a girl like this is usually a girl who is competitive herself. She may think it is the fault of other girls, but the truth is, she herself can't take having women around her "on her turf". A girl like this prefers male attention, because it doesn't compete with her, and in fact it feeds her ego.

Even if it isn't romantic, it's always nice to have male attention.

 

Now I don't know if any of this is true about you, but I suggest you think about it and at least explore the possibility.

 

For example, you say that many girls can't be trusted around your boyfriend. I myself have had mostly girl friends and not ONCE has any of us even looked at another's boyfriend. So if you worry about this enough to cut yourself off from nearly all women, not just a few bad apples, consider the possibility that it is about your own insecurities rather than other people's sneakiness.

 

Of course I could be wrong, so please don't take offense.

 

***

 

Another thing you ought to consider:

According to you, most women can't really be trusted.

So your ideal situation seems to be: You have lots of guy friends, and your bf also has lots of guy friends. I mean, if YOUR female friends (if you had them) can't be trusted with your guy, HIS female friends CERTAINLY can't be trusted either.

 

But that's crazy - both of you will have only guy friends? Good luck finding a guy who will put up with that.

 

***

 

Also, again - just from my experience, when people of the opposite sex are friends, there is always some flirting and sexual tension going on.

At least one of the "friends" is attracted to the other.

So these kinds of friendships have an intimate flirting quality that might be good for one person's ego, but aren't good for that person's relationship, and probably aren't so good for the other person.

In other words, I understand why your bf has a problem with this, and I imagine at least some of these guy friends may also be losing by being friends with you. They may prefer something more, but settle for what they can get. That's not healthy.

 

Again, I know this is just conjecture. I've never met you or your friends, so this may not apply. I am just suggesting you consider it.

 

***

 

As an afterthought, what about you? Are you trustworthy? Would you look at a friend's bf and try anything with him?

If so, no wonder you don't want female friends.

But assuming you wouldn't do that, and you are trustworthy (as you seem like such a nice person from what you write,) keep in mind that there are other girls like you. Girls you could be friends with.

And I think, regardless of what your bf wants, that YOU would benifit from some female bonding.

 

***

 

Anyway, those are my view on the subject.

Ultimately, I'm sure you will find some compromise with your bf if you love each other, and I hope everything works out.

 

Good Luck

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  • 1 month later...

I know exactly how you feel, although I have more female friends because I studied literature and just a few guys choose that course. I think that you if you love each other that much you should make an effort to make each other happy while respecting your own and each other´s individuality. About this issue, don´t exhaust it in discussions because it will make your boyfriend even more sensitive to it. Introduce him to your guy friends so he can see for himself there´s nothing to feel insecure about, but also try to find those 2 in 10 girls who are trustworthy because women can be very good friends too.

Take care.

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