I'm fed up w/bf and no financial freedom...Long post....

[scarlette]

Well there's a few things I'm fed up with at the moment...like working 70 hours a week and getting 15k a year....like not having extra cash all the time... like having my bf ask me for a dollar for a tip and not having one...like needing to rely on my credit card if I ever wanted to buy anything... like not being able to wash my clothes once a week because I don't have quarters.

 

In July I took on a new job and in my dream career field, but it required me to take a 90% paycut and working a lot of hours that I didn't get over-time pay for. I told my bf from the beginning and he understood. He understands my monthly paycheck is eaten up by my phone and electric bill, my credit card bill (usually around $200 every month) parking at school (I'm getting my masters degree so I go to school part-time at night--$15 a day for parking at school) and parking at work ($20 a day- $100 a week) and gas (I commute 60 minutes every morning and afternoon to get to work and it eats up about $150 worth of gas every month). So it doesn't leave much for groceries or play money.

 

The last few months I've had to rely on my credit card cause I don't have extra cash in my bank account. My bf and I made the deal that whenever we went out, he would make sure it was some place that they took credit cards so we could go dutch and I wouldn't have to worry about giving cash tips.

 

So of course, whenever he didn't have enough cash for tip after we made our agreement and he asked me if I have an extra dollar for the tip... I didn't. I've been telling him for month I don't have a dollar. I have credit, but I don't have a dollar. I don't know what part of "I don't have a dollar" he doesn't understand... So since then I've demanded that we go dutch because otherwise it's like he's rubbing it in that I don't have cash.

 

Last night we were going out with one of his friends and my bf demanded that he pay for dinner because he said I'm his gf and he should be allowed to pay for his gf once in a while. He made a bid deal about it so I said I'd let him pay for dinner.

 

When it came time to pay for the bill, he asks me if I have a dollar for tip. I just look at him. I've NEVER had a dollar for tip the last few months and he's STILL asking?!. And he frowns and says "You never have a dollar!" and goes on about how I don't have a dollar. And then the conversation escalated into a fight. He says "You never go to the ATM machine to get any cash. That's why you don't have a dollar in your wallet. Go to the ATM machine 'And I wanted to say 'Cause I don't HAVE cash in the bank to put cash in my wallet!' but I didn't want to further humiliate myself infront of his friend and half the restaurant that was obviously staring and listening to our conversation because we were arguing so loudly. So I say "The conversation's over." I was feeling really humiliated.

 

After 10 minutes of him not stopping I get even more humiliated and embarrassed. I reinterate 'I don't have a dollar so just end the conversation. We get your point.' And he keeps going on. And finally I end the conversation by leaving the table to go to the restroom after I tell him I'm never going to let him pay for my dinner ever again.

 

I'm hurt all night. After dinner we go to a coffee shop and well the coffee shop only takes cash. So I had to endure another humiliating hour and a half of not being able to join them in drinking coffee because I didn't have cash. His friend says "Why don't you go get a coffee?" and I had to come up with a lame excuse- all the while feeling more humiliated. My bf never offers to pay to get me one, he's over there drinking his coffee. I never ask him to pay for one. So I just sit there feeling even more humiliated.

 

First thing in the morning I wake up and start crying I'm so ticked off at him. He keeps asking me to tell him what's wrong. The night before I refused to talk to him about it because I was so mad at him and I didn't trust that I'd be rational so we'd discuss it and not argue about it. I finally tell him he was a jerk to me the night before at the restaurant and I asked him why he wouldn't stop about the dollar, That I felt humiliated in front of his friend because he wouldn't stop rubbing it in, and that it hurt me. And all the while he's interrupting trying to defend himself. He said it was just a misunderstanding...Well how can you misunderstand "I don't 'have a dollar"? What part of "Stop the conversation?" doesn't he get?

 

I tell him I understood his points that he was just talking about me not having cash in my wallet (not, not in the bank), but he can't seem to shut-up trying to further defend himself by saying I just want the last word in the argument. I can't tell him what's wrong when he asks me what's wrong, because he's obviously more interested trying to defend himself against whatever I have to say than actually listening to me... so what's the point in telling him what's wrong or talking to him about it?

 

So I stormed out of his house and here I am at school.

 

What do I do about this situation? He was such a jerk to me last night and he doesn't even realize it. He doesn't even think he was humiliating me or trying to. But that fact is, whether he meant to or not, he was and he wouldn't stop when I asked him to! We can't communicate and when I finally try to he interrupts me all the time. What do I do??? I don't understand him... why would he be so out-right mean to me and go out of his way to humiliate me in a public place in front of his friend? I don't understand....

[brosiamarie]

Well first of all I want to say I admire you for working such long hours and going to school I know how hard it is and I am glad you are sticking it out because in the end you will have more than a dollar in the bank. For some reasons Guys seem to have selective hearing they choose what they wanna hear. To me I dont think he understands how strapped for cash you are to him a dollar is nothing but to you its alot especially when you dont have very much extra cash and bills seem to always be due even when it seems like you just paid them. Its ok to go dutch but really you should find a boyfriend who is gonna take you out and pay for you and the tip. Someone who is proud of you and the scarfices you are making to have a better future who understands and will support you. You say who have tried to talk to him but he isnt willing to listen then maybe its time to maybe try a different approach. Maybe he will understand finally who knows but dont waste to much time . If he doesnt get it soon then you are probally better off without him. hope this helps