GF leaving town AGAIN :(

[ggg]

Well,

 

After some really great days together, my GF of 4 months is leaving town alone again (she did earlier this month) to spend some "quiet time" and finish some work. Now, I was pretty upset the last time she left and didn't invite me... but I kept it inside because I trusted her. But now that she's planning on doing it again and so soon really makes me upset. I'm not invited, it's a holiday weekend. Am I being too needy and controlling by being upset about this? I feel that people in a relationship would WANT to spend a weekend like this together. I totally am understanding of alone time needs, but this is turning out to to be more frequent than I thought. This makes me extra paranoid, because I have an ex who did this and it turned out she was sleeping with some guy.

 

I sent her a text after she told me on the phone and I wrote "I feel terrible". Turned my cell phone off, she left a voicemail sounding "annoyed", wanting me to call her back.

 

How should I handle this? I've been so careful not to create waves in the relationship, but this truly upsets me.

[Gath]

On the one hand I find it odd that she's going away by herself. Sounds like code for cheating, but it could be nothing wrong with it.

 

On the other hand you're being tottally clingy and weird about it.

 

So, let her go. Keep an eye open for signs she's cheating on you, and stop acting so clingy. You gotta be confident and strong, and since she's going off without you, go out without her and do something. Hit the bar with your buddies and have some fun.

 

And finally, "not creating waves" in the relationship sounds like code for being a doormat, which pretty much guarantees that you'll get cheated on or dumped.

[kaoticbaby]

This does seem a little fishy, to tell you the truth. You have a right to be a little worried as long as you don't make her think you don't trust her. I would just ask her if everything is okay, and if she'd like to talk about anything. If she says no, well, you can't stop her. See how she acts when she comes back. If she's the same then... I guess no worries.

 

But seriously, who wants to be alone on labor day weekend ?

[CharLit]

I can understand that your experience with your ex makes you wary, but so long as you don't have any other reason to think that something's going on, I'm going to assume that's not the case.

 

How big and serious is the work she needs to finish? Early in my relationship with my partner I had about a million exams and papers to hand in... it was the last thing I wanted to do, but I simply HAD to spend the weekends away from him to get it all finished. If he had been upset about it I would have found it very unsupportive of him - all that stress, and then being made to feel guilty for it too! We're living together now and I'm currently up to my eyeballs in work, and often have to spend a lot of the weekend at my computer as well as working overtime all week. I hate having so little time for us, and I'm sure it's no fun for my partner, but he understands I simply can't change the situation at the moment, so he doesn't complain, but takes more than his share of the housework and brings me endless cups of tea. I will SO make it up to him when things have calmed down at work!

 

I have no idea whether the situation with your girlfriend is anything like that though. If she doesn't have a huge amount of work to do, she could also just be someone who really needs her space - some people do, without it meaning they don't love their gf/bf and love to spend time with them.

 

Either way, whether she really is too busy or whether she does need a lot of alone time, I think you need to communicate about it differently. Sending her a text telling her you feel terrible and then switching off the phone is basically you trying to make her feel guilty and not allowing her the chance to discuss it with you in a mature fashion. I'd be annoyed if I were her, too. In stead, talk to her face-to-face if you can or on the phone if you have to, and say that you'd been hoping to spend the holiday weekend with her and you just want to make sure everything is okay between you guys. If she says all is well, make plans with her for next weekend to make up for this.