depressed

[mintblossom]

back in college.....actually living up here now. i think i had a fantasy in my head that it was a lot more fun than this......more mtv, less real life. but it's actually just real life......no glamour, glitz, not all that fun. sometimes i think my head is in a cloud.

 

but what depresses me is.....i don't think people here are very friendly or open. in fact, when someone is friendly or open, i almost find it a little weird because it just feels so different.

 

i went to a club meeting tonight.....there were at least a hundred or more people there.....i felt so lost and i didn't know anyone. i wish i had a partner in crime to go places and everywhere with, but i don't.

 

i feel people are so insincere about wanting to connect....people ask "do you have facebook?" well, i don't use facebook. and i just feel like they are just collecting numbers of people on it........but it doesn't seem they want to get to know me or be friends.

 

i just feel discouraged, alone, lonely, lost, abandoned, hurt...and overwhelmed. i can't wait to go home this weekend to see my therapist and recooperate.

 

it's depressing.....and how often am i supposed to see my bf anyways? i have no idea how friendships or relationships work. i feel sad and depressed. sigh.

 

am i doing things right at least?

[Samedy]

University can be tough, but it gets better, just keep trying and don't give up.

 

And to answer your question as to whether you are normal... There are a number of different posts on the board right now about being lonely at University, so I would say you are absolutely normal.

[mintblossom]

when i'm walking around campus, it seems people have friends to chat with, or eat dinner with, or hang out with.

 

when i go to club meetings, it seems people know other people already.

 

when i asked someone how their dorm was, they say "it's the best, i have the best floor, best ra etc."

 

that's depressing for me to hear because i had a really anti-social floor my first year.

 

it's hard going to clubs alone.....sigh and all these people younger than me.

 

i feel mopey. i also feel some people aren't that genuine. it doesn't feel sincere.

[puff.tm.dragon]

am i doing things right at least?

 

yeah most ppl are pretty unfriendly but then again most ppl are just shy too! talking to strangers can be difficult. i have a friend i go to places with but that makes me even more withdrawn because i tend to stay in my comfort zone and only talk to him.

[Samedy]

Also, I find when you go out with friends, the people you do end up meeting tend to fall into the same category as the friends you are with. By going out alone, you can give yourself an opportunity to branch out, and meet different types of people.

[mintblossom]

i like to talk so i am okay talking with almost anyone as long as they seem friendly or approachable. if they talk to me first, i definitely respond. if they are unfriendly or don't seem that open when i initiate, then i usually stop talking to them because i feel uncomfortable and don't want to bother them.

 

i am trying to talk to different types of people instead of the types that i usually talk to or that look "safe" to me. i am thinking by doing this, mabe i will learn what i like and don't like in different people.

 

just have to keep trying i think. i've only been here 3 days, already i feel down.

[ten]

yea bro, definitely put your chin up and talk to everyone

i personally don't think I look "safe" to talk to but i wouldn't mind a friendly chat..

[kaoticbaby]

why don't you apply for a roommate? that is one way to make a friend.

[OmegaMan]

just have to keep trying i think. i've only been here 3 days, already i feel down.

 

You got it all wrong I think.

 

This is a very important change in your life. Adaptation requires TIME. Give yourself TIME. It's been THREE days.

 

I don't see how you could've expected for University to be heaven on earth in three days, that seems almost impossible.

 

It will take time and a lot of effort on your part. There's really no way around it.

 

The good news is: you're doing the right thing. You're going to meetings rather than isolate yourself. Congratulations for doing something about your situation.

 

To sum it up: be patient. Keep trying, it will come. Just give it time.

[Goldfish6888]

Hi Mintblossom

 

I am sorry to hear of your depression.

 

I think often it has a lot to do with being the end of the Summer aswell.

 

Furthermore, often an idea we have about something doesn't live up to the reality and that also relates to a new job, a relationship, starting college etc....

 

We often have rose-tinted glasses of how it should be and our emotions hit a brick wall, when the realisation sets in that our expectations are not going to be met.

 

I think firstly just talk to yourself logically rather than emotionally:

1) You are in school to improve yourself and to improve your career prospects. You are doing something positive here, so pat yourself on the back and recognise this! Say well done to you!! Go mintblossom!

2) When I first started college - I was super shy, but I found by joining different clubs and activities, I started to make some friends. Don't be hard on yourself, it will take time. It took me about 8 weeks to make any friends! I was "billy no mates" for quite some time and felt like I stood out! I felt exactly like you! Even starting a new job can be like this, so this experience is just a preparation for life!

3) There are a lot of people who will be in the same boat as you....so smile and just be friendly! Stop being self aware and start to think - that person looks like they need someone to talk to and I'm going to help them out!

4) I know you miss your b/f, but try and schedule in your chats and emailing so you guys keep communicated.

 

Honestly, college is the best years of your life. It is laying down the foundations for all your other experiences, it is setting you straight on the reality that life can be boring and humdrum, but it is what we make it! I had a blast there and I made some of the best friends, whom I still have. Never again will you be exposed to so much experiences like travel, knowledge, friends, fun! It will just take time! It will get better - I promise.

 

Hang in there!

 

G Fish xoxox