It's high school all over again...I'm depressed :(

[Samedy]

Well I was looking into a film club.. it sponsors free movies on eh one of the nights of the week

 

I think it would be really good to join a club.

 

The thing with University is, if you don't live on campus, then you really have to make an effort to make friends. It is so easy just to go home after a class. It is so easy to go home and say to yourself "tomorrow I will do something at the University".

 

So take a deep breath and join up.

[puff.tm.dragon]

Am I Too Asian For You? God Damn I Knew It!

[puff.tm.dragon]

J/K haha it's ok, you don't want to meet ppl from ena im gonna change my avatar back to the cute mouse

[mintblossom]

argh. i totally understand how you feel starlily. i haven't been in school for ages. i came back to university expecting it to be fun, interesting, and more friendly because i am a lot healthier now. but i still find it difficult to get to know people, to make friends, to join clubs, to go to club meetings by myself........it's depressing.

 

i have a bf here but i haven't seen him in days. i think he's backing off or something, i don't know. either way.........i feel depressed and i actually made a post about this. sigh.

[-Ophelia-]

I myself have been going through a period of depression for a while now. And let me tell you something, it is true what they say "what you focus on expands." And it does.

 

If we can only get this idea through, things will definitely change. I mean if you focus on "I'm ugly" and "I have no friends" that's what you'll end up having. But if you keep assuring yourself that you are attractive, then that is what you are.

 

I know it's lame but it's true. I've had a lot of those ugly moments, even though others constantly tell me that I'm attractive, I just can't get it through. But I do envy those average looking girls or let me say below average that are so confident and believe it or not they are attractive! Those are the girls that always have a guy around. They're smart girls, they made themselves look pretty. Because after all, it's all in the attitude. If a girl has a confident and playful attitude she will land her guy.

 

Guys, am I making sense?

[StarLily]

Am I Too Asian For You? God Damn I Knew It!

 

ROFLOL no actually... the only people I was ever able make friends with were asians.. Don't know, maybe you guys are nicer or something. haha

[StarLily]

I think it would be really good to join a club.

 

The thing with University is, if you don't live on campus, then you really have to make an effort to make friends. It is so easy just to go home after a class. It is so easy to go home and say to yourself "tomorrow I will do something at the University".

 

So take a deep breath and join up.

 

Alright I emailed whoever is in charge at the club.. I hope I can still join.

[StarLily]

Yeah it's true... I tried being more friendly these last couple of dates, smiled more, talked to some guys.... but all I got was one word responces and no further interaction. I talked to all kinds of guys... my type, not my type, etc.... but it's all the same. I don't know whether they think I look so bad that I'm not worth talking to... or they're too shy themselves..

[MadGenius]

Why do you think you look so bad?

 

I see people, guys and girls both, who I honestly think are ugly, doing a hella lot better than me. It really doesn't seem to make a big difference. When people get to know you at all, they'll look past that.

 

Some of the cutest girls I've known are....well...I like 'em. That's what counts, right?

[StarLily]

Why do you think you look so bad?

 

I see people, guys and girls both, who I honestly think are ugly, doing a hella lot better than me. It really doesn't seem to make a big difference. When people get to know you at all, they'll look past that.

 

Some of the cutest girls I've known are....well...I like 'em. That's what counts, right?

 

Yeah I see those people too... I sometimes wonder "Why can she have a BF like that and I can't!??" Mean I know

The thing is... you first have to attract people and THEN they begin to notice your personality... and that can be hard if you're not attracting (and I honestly have no idea if I am or not.... I have such a distorted image of myself..

[MadGenius]

Well....that attitude is unattractive. If I had a girl (yeah right) no way I would let her talk about herself that way. Just act confident and friendly...even if it's only a mask.

 

Honestly, I'm not really one to be giving advice, because my situation is pretty dismal. Suffice to say, when I ACT confident and happy...I can feel the difference. That's what I'm doing when college starts back up for me soon. All smiles and cheer, no more gloominess driving people away before I even talk to them.

 

I know it's going to be hard, and I really dread that it won't work. But it will work.

 

And, well, I have to say, if you don't know whether or not your attractive, you probably are pretty cute. Ugly people KNOW they aren't all that, and they get over it. Regular and (more often, it seems) good looking people tend to have a bad self image.

 

I know plenty of girls who don't think they're attractive. It's all in their head.

 

Am I making you feel any better?

[puff.tm.dragon]

Yeah I see those people too... I sometimes wonder "Why can she have a BF like that and I can't!??" Mean I know

The thing is... you first have to attract people and THEN they begin to notice your personality... and that can be hard if you're not attracting (and I honestly have no idea if I am or not.... I have such a distorted image of myself..

 

a picture's worth a thousand words

[StarLily]

Yes you do actually, thanks...

[StarLily]

a picture's worth a thousand words

 

Sadly, all my pictures either look too good 'cause of a weird angle or look worse than I do. I see myself in the mirror but I can never look like that in pictures... grr

[MadGenius]

Be confident! I put up what I think is a mediocre picture in my profile.

 

Honest question now: Am I good lookin'?

[StarLily]

Be confident! I put up what I think is a mediocre picture in my profile.

 

Honest question now: Am I good lookin'?

 

Yes you are!

I did the same thing... temporarily. It is one of those "better" pictures though.

[MadGenius]

Thank you! (No one's told me that. Well, my mom.

 

Now, do you want honesty, or do you want me to be nice?

 

Bah, no reason to lie. Here's my brutal honestly.

 

Wow. You are no longer allowed to think you aren't beautiful. I actually did a double take, I had to look back and say, "Is she BLIND?"

 

Seriously, talk to any guy you want. They will melt.

[StarLily]

I told you it's one of the better-than-me pictures... why do you think I posted it? LOL!!

[MadGenius]

Post the worst one you can find. I'll tell you the same thing.

 

Why won't you accept it?

 

I know why. It seems like you've wasted so much time thinking you weren't pretty that you don't want to admit you are and that you were wrong.

 

I know how it is. My summer was realizing that, and I'm terribly depressed. I'm working out of that so I can bust up the social scene at school this time around.

[puff.tm.dragon]

i hope you guys hook up

[MadGenius]

Haha, you're the one who lives there! I'm in my own little corner.

[Joshthesecond]

Hey mate.

 

Isn't it funny how you feel so alone walking around campus, yet your story has been answered by so many people who have had the exact same experience. I certainly did.

 

I live at home as well so the temptation just to run home when you're feeling lonely is so great but unfortunately it only perpetuates a vicious cycle.

 

Now I'm not sure what you're studying, but sometimes your course makes it hard to meet people, maybe a lot of things but basically, don't sit there blaming yourself for being lonely. Everyone goes through something like this at some point, and it's going to be a wonderful period of growth and personal development for you, even if it hurts like hell at the moment. I promise you it will all work out.

 

First thing: Positive attitude. I can't think of anything that makes people run away faster than exhibiting a negative attitude. Think of the people you like being around, they'll all be pretty positive people. So if you feel the negative feelings washing over you, and hey that's normal because you're in a pretty hard and stressful situation, do your best to fight them, they'll only hamper your success.

 

You came here looking for help, so I know you're a positive person trying to fix a problem, so don't let negative rubbish live in your head, you're better than that.

 

Second thing: How to actually start meeting people. Personally, unless it's a class where I'll see the same people for maybe 5 hours a week, classes can be kinda crummy for making friends. So as has been said before, start joining clubs. I've made the most of my close friends by joining a sporting club which I enjoy and have had so much fun and learnt so much from.

 

One last thing, maybe let the boyfriend thing ride for a while. It's ok to be single, in fact when you're off meeting all the new people that's what you're going to want to be. Once you've established yourself in big friendship group the partnering up will happen, but just give it time.

 

Ok hope that helps you. It's a long road coming from where you are, but it's so worthwhile, and remember, never give in, always keep fighting it.

 

~ Josh.

[StarLily]

Joshthesecond, thanks! Your post is really inspiring. A sports club is a better choice than others I think. The only sports club I found is the cycling club, which is great 'cause I don't do well with those "ball" sports anyway. I'm nervous though... what if I'm the slowest person in the club? They say that they have beginners and professionals in the club but what if I'm too much of a beginner?! I'm scared that I won't be accepted as a person.

 

edit: What is NCCA??!!

[redrose85]

starlily- what year are you in (school-wise). I did a part time semester last spring, and found that sooo many people (first years) were so shy and everyone either clung to their high school friends, or just didn't talk at all. It was like high school, and it sure seemed like a lot of people were feeling the same way you do now. It took a little bit, but I met some people in my English class, and made some friendships. At first it was terrible, because I wanted to go back to school to get back into it, and also to meet a whole bunch of new people. For most of it, I didn't know anyone, as I had graduated hs almost 4 years earlier, and I was surrounded by all these girls and guys, in a completely different situation than me. I know how you're feeling. It's rough, and disappointing when there seems to be a barrier to getting to know new people.

 

I suggest going to the fitness center at your uni (if there is one) and joining one of the activities. My college does river rafting trips, camping, lots of outdoorsy stuff, and I think it's the same for many other colleges and universities. BTW you're not ugly. You're soo pretty. How you are seen by others depends on the vibe that you are putting out. Walk around campus, and town, thinking to yourself that you rock, etc... and when you really start to believe it, things will turn around.

[StarLily]

I'm a sophomore but I was in a community college previously. (I'm 20 btw. 21 was a disguise for when I had a bf and was freaked out about him finding my posts. Guess there is nothing to fear now.)

 

Anyway, I just transferred, so it's my first year at this university.

I actually filled out an application for the cycling club.. I got an email about a first meeting and judging by the names on the mail list, there is just one girl!!! No matter how much I like guys, I don't think I can handle being the only girl in this club/team thing. I hope that girl doesn't drop it and more will show up..