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Recovering from missed opportunity and oblivion...


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The title pretty much says it; I'm very oblivious to the "clues" girls give. Generally speaking, I like to take things slow. I'm a pretty old-fashioned, conservative guy, but the real problem is, even if I don't want to take things slow, I just miss 9 out of 10 opportunities.


For example, I was going out with this girl earlier this summer. I read her as someone who wanted to take things slow, too, and so I did. Soon enough, she stopped returning my phone calls and that was it. I figured she just wasn't interested, but then my friends starting prying information out of me. "Dude, I totally thought you should have had her," one friend said. Well, he and one other friend sat down and critiqued my dates. In conclusion, although my two friends argued about some of the signs, they both say she practically threw herself at me, and I was just obliviously floating by with my blinders on. They're both convinced that the only reason she stopped calling me is that she just thought I wasn't interested.


What's worse, this isn't the first time it has happened.


With another girl, same story, except we were never actually dating--we just knew each other back in high school. Well, long story short I totally missed the boat on that one, and years later we're still "connected" on Facebook and Myspace, etc., but very rarely will she return my messages.


So, is there any way to recover from these situations? Or, are girls really that offended if you don't show the same interest--even if you are just as interested?


PS--I finally got ahold of the girl I dated earlier this summer, for the first time in a couple of months. We talked for about an hour, but it seems to be headed down the same, gloomy path which I now share with the girl from high school. Any advice--general or specific?

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OK .. some of the basics. If you like a girl, she's gonna expect you to express it. Not to be a sex fiend animal ... but to be at least minimally aggressive so she knows 1) you are interested; and 2) you aren't a wuss!!!


If you have feelings for a girl, move in for a kiss. If you get beyond the kiss, SLOWLY move in (by words or actions) for more.


Before the girls here criticize me ... remember, he has an UNDERAGGRESSION problem, and is very unlikely to be a creepy molester!



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Thanks Zack.


We went on two dates, and met up twice outside of that, and I never tried to kiss her. It's not that I didn't want to, and I was only minimally intimidated. The big thing is--err, was--she is absolutely gorgeous, but I liked her for so much more than that. The last thing I wanted to do was to be confused for a guy who's only into her for her looks, or there to quickly woo her. And I thought, perhaps, she would appreciate the change-of-pace. But, I guess a girl doesn't mind if she's into you?


Now my friends told me that when she invited me out on a long, secluded walk with her at sunset, that she was probably wanting me to kiss her at least. Think that's so?


But, having missed nine-tenths of countless opportunities, would that offend her or something?


I feel so confused. It's just been very difficult to move on. She seemed perfect--okay, maybe not perfect as we had slightly different tastes and small ambitions here and there, but we aligned so perfectly on all the important issues--and now it seems I was the one to go and botch things up.


She wasn't returning my phone calls for a while, and that's why I'm glad she finally did. But, is there anything I can do now to try to rekindle the flame a little?


And frankly, I'd rather proceed as just friends to prolong things, as I really like her. I've typically been this way, and I've always believed friendship is the foundation to a good relationship. But, I guess this is a new revelation to me: sometimes being friends just isn't enough for a girl, right? Maybe not everyone thinks the way I do, I guess... And I'm certainly willing to proceed as more than friends, now that I realize that's what she wanted to. I just wish I would have realized this sooner.


But Zack, thank you. At the very least, I'll work on being a little more pro-active in future endeavors, if this doesn't work out.

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