Sexual Abuse? Why he only chose two.

[miracle29]

I have been really struggling with trying to understand how it is my own Father was said to have molested my two older sisters, but he never touched me. This is hard for me to take. I feel guilt, as if I don't deserve to be their sister, when I did not or could not protect them and why this never came out until they were older. Everyone kept it secret. My Mother had the only suspicion but no proof and never got help for it.

 

I feel sad that the had this happen to them. I wonder why he was a different person with me. He did physically abuse me, but never sexual. Is it normal to feel guilt, or like I owe them something because of it. I dont' really have a question ..i'm just venting. Wondering if anyone else was the one who got away as well?

[Snoopy24]

You don't owe your sisters anything. Your father was a horrible man and did things that are unexceptable.

 

Why he didn't do it to you, I don't know. Maybe they were older and he possibly felt bad? I don't have an answer for that one. This is a hard situation to deal with, but unfortunatley it happened. There is nothing you can do to change the past.

 

I was molested when i was younger by someone in my immidate family, that I talk to this day. From time to time i think about and feel gross and awful and don't ever want to talk to him agian. but it was a different situation bc he was younger as well. But sometimes things are better left in the past. It doesn't mean to forget it ever happened and lie to yourself. It means accepting what happened. Forgive the person for YOURSELF. Not them. Realize there is something wrong with them, and moving forward.

 

I know it's hard to try and put things behind you. But worrying about things like this, is just going to cause you pain. There is nothing you can do to change the past. What has happened already happened.

[miracle29]

Thank you for your response. I am also so in love with your avatar.

 

ok, now back to the issue at hand. My biggest issue is that I have been thinking he was one person, but turns out..he was a monster. It was like living a huge lie.

[Snoopy24]

How old were your sisters when this happened..and how old were you? You didn't suspect anything was going on?

 

To find out information like that, i know must be hard. Unfortunatley sometimes people aren't who they seem to be.

 

Is your father still alive? If so do you have any contact with him at all?

[miracle29]

How old were your sisters when this happened..and how old were you? You didn't suspect anything was going on?

 

To find out information like that, i know must be hard. Unfortunatley sometimes people aren't who they seem to be.

 

Is your father still alive? If so do you have any contact with him at all?

 

 

They were younger about 11-16.

I can't get them to tell me much about it.

They tell eachother but feel that I don't deserve to know much, since I'm the "Golden child" as they say.

 

That monster is still alive

I have not spoken to him as much as I used too. I never confronted him, he would scream at me and deny it. He abused me physically, i'm talking serious abuse. Punches in face, kicks to the ribbs, hair ripped out, hot grits on my body, kicked in the head, he really did a number on me physically.

 

Now that i've had my daughter, he is not allowed to be alone with her. He is all the way in the lower 48's and once told me "i'm not ready to see her (HE HAS NOT TILL THIS DAY) because I am sick and I need help!" All this time I thought he mean physical abuse, now I'm thinking, he was not admitting but hinting at the sexual stuff.

 

he will NEVER be alone with my child.EVER! If he ever harmed her, I'd end his suffering and misery, quickly!

[Snoopy24]

I'm sure your sisters don't have ill feelings for you. They are probally more ashamed and embarrased that it happened to them, and don't feel comfortable talking about it with anyone else. ..even their own sister.

 

As for your father, I think you made a good choice to keep him away from your daughter by himself. He shouldn't be left alone with any children what so ever.

 

I know it is your life and your family. ..but you said he stated that he is still ill and needs help. IF i were you, I would cut ALL contact with him, until he gets the help he needs. I know every situation is differnt, but i think that would be what is best for you and your daughter.

 

What would your daughter think if god forbit he just snapped and hurt you in front of her.. or even hurt your daughter.

 

What he has done is unexceptable and he needs to get the help he needs before he can hurt anyone else in your family.

[tavia]

I am new here so bear with me. I am not great on a computer either. I have a problem and I am hoping someone will see this and make it make sense to me.

 

My husband of twenty years was found to be sexually abusing our older daugher. He also was accused and admitted to sexually abusing my oldest son from a previous marriage. Apparently he started abusing her when she was ten and continued until she was about 15 years of age. My son was only on a visit when he was 10 and that I guess was a one time thing, Not to make light of it because the damage was just as dramatic. My sons were taken from my life after that and I was never told why till they grewup. I never stopped trying to be part of their life but to no avail. My problem is that my oldest daughter wouldnt' leave with me. She choose to stay with her father and the police told me there was nothing I could do if she choose to stay. thereforee, I took my youngest daughter and left. I was in councilling for a number of years.

I still had contact with my daugter that stayed with her father however I never got the nerve to ask for details. The police told me to stop by and I could read the report but I couldn't bring myself to do it, I guess the guilt was too much. I was so destroyed. She was a daddy's girl and I always thought that was so special. The younger one was a mommy's girl so I thought all was fine. I didn't think one more important than the other, that's just the way it appeared. She feels I should have stayed and tried to fix this mess. I tried to tell her there is no fixin this mess. Leaving to me was my only recourse. He not only lied to me for twenty years but he ruined my relationship with my sons and my daughters. The boys were from another marriage and the girls were his own flesh and blood. Here is my delima now.

I am blessed with grandbabies and I fear they are in danger with this man. Both of my daughters take their children there and on occasion leave them with him and his girlfriend. Again there is nothing I can do. I bring it up and nobody wants to hear it. The abused girl is married with children of her own. I can only assume they watch their kids and know what to look for. However here is the part that is destroying my children and me. The ex-husband was married recently and I then was informed that all my grandbabies took part in this wedding and the husband of my daughter that was abused was best man. I can't imagine a man wanting to standup for a guy that sexually abused (as a child)the woman he loves, his wife. I am having trouble with this and would like some input. They say Daddy is all better and I should get over it. I say does a leppord ever change his spots? This is destroying my relationship with my children but I see a pattern here. The ex is still a controlling, bossy man and my children are still in denial. I told them when their children growup and ask questions, they will know the truth and maybe they won't be happy with their parents for having them call this man "Grampie" all thier lives or happy with being part of this wedding or maybe even part of his life. They tell me the kids will never know, I say if they ask me I will tell them as they are entitled to know the history of the family, good or bad. My daughter hungup when I said that and I haven't heard from her since. Any input from someone in the know would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Tavia

[Aurian]

Hi Tavia,

 

You will probably get responses if you posted this in its own thread. Breaking down your post into paragraphs would make it easier to read as well.