Started Therapy- It Helps!!!

[macgyver4ever]

I started therapy last night to help me get past the last few hurdles on the way to being a healed man. After only one session, and I feel A LOT better.

 

So far it has helped take my ex off the pedestal that I had her on our entire relationship, and to see her for who she really was; and immature, controlling, immoral little girl who did not have the life skills to handle a serious relationship. She has no idea who she is, who she wants to be, or what her values are.

 

Not that I want to get back with her, but my therapist really helped me see what it would be like if we did try again. That her problems would not have been solved, and that the person that I did love is now gone, probably forever.

 

For anyone out there struggling, I really recommend counseling. I wish I would not have waited this long. After one session I am beginning to see thing more clearly, and can feel myself growing.

 

I did make the mistake of telling my new girlfriend about what we talked about in there, which was a mistake. She took it that I was not over my ex, which I am............I'm just not over what she did to me, and I allowed her to do to me. I'm trying to put the pieces back together, because I cannot seem to do it on my own. She is upset, so my advice is to not share it with your significant other. That was a bad idea, but she wanted to know.......

[bubblyblonde11]

I started therapy last night to help me get past the last few hurdles on the way to being a healed man. After only one session, and I feel A LOT better.

 

So far it has helped take my ex off the pedestal that I had her on our entire relationship, and to see her for who she really was; and immature, controlling, immoral little girl who did not have the life skills to handle a serious relationship. She has no idea who she is, who she wants to be, or what her values are.

 

Not that I want to get back with her, but my therapist really helped me see what it would be like if we did try again. That her problems would not have been solved, and that the person that I did love is now gone, probably forever.

 

For anyone out there struggling, I really recommend counseling. I wish I would not have waited this long. After one session I am beginning to see thing more clearly, and can feel myself growing.

 

QUOTE]

 

 

Totally agree hun, this is where I got my understanding like you that he was controlling, dismissive of emotions and feelings, selfish and commitment phobe.

 

Wish I knew then what I do now. But hindsight is a wonderful thing.

 

Not only has it answered a ton of the thoughts, doubts, worries I had going on since the split I now lots more now and can go in to the next relationship with eyes open rather than being totally blinded by love (hopefully )

[Desiderata]

Wow, from just one session, that is fantastic! Our ex's pretty much go hand in hand - I've realized that my ex is just someone that is confused about life and he cannot even take care of himself so it would have been too much to ask of him to support me. That hurts, but it's what he felt he had to do so I just need to accept it.

 

It's really important that you realized how things would really end up being if you got back together - if she wasn't willing to resolve problems or continue the relationship when you two broke up then things probably wouldn't be any different now. I've been romanticizing but I've started to realize the same things.

 

I've been thinking about it, I just don't know if I have the time with school and everthing that I'm dealing with. In a way I think that is my therapy - just surrounding myself with things to do for me.

 

As for your new girlfriend, she just needs to understand the pain that comes from something like that. If she wants things to go smoothly with your current relationship then she will understand that the hurt is still there, the feelings are still there and in order for you to truly move on this therapy is necessary. It seems like it's going to be wonderful, I hope that it just continues to help you more and more with each session!

[jul-els]

Yes, therapy is great! My girlfriend and I have been seeing a counselor for a couple of months now and it is working wonders!

 

It's really helping us strengthen our connection and work through the "rough spots". We both really like our counselor and she has been extremely valuable to us in our process of learning to understand each other better.

 

Having a desire to improve oneself and increase one's self awareness is a wonderful thing! Keep up the good work! It only gets better from here!

[macgyver4ever]

Thanks for all of the support!!!

 

One thing that really helped me was when my therapist talked about how my ex "transformed" instead of just merely "change." I had him clarify this, and what he meant was that when she when through this transformation, it wasn't jsut her changing who she was dating; she changed almost every aspect in her life, and to her, it was effortless. When all of the aspects in your life and changed, you have been "transformed" into a different person. A "change" can be only one, or a few aspects of your life, and is usually behavioral.

 

What that means is that my ex is a new person, and probably will always be that person. Her values in life have changed, her priorities, and she is NOW someone I do not want to even know. It's a lot easy for me to accept now, and to not think that maybe she will realize her mistake and change back. It won't happen, and if it does, it will take a LONG, LONG time.

 

 

As for relationship therapy. It did not work for "us," but that was because she had given up, and did not want to try. Our therapist was really, really bad, and convinced my ex that she did not love me, and that I was just a habit, and something she missed. The therapist also made fun of us, and was rather mean. My ex cried after the first session because of the things she said to her.

 

Desiderata,

As for not having the time, MAKE TIME. Especially in college where it is free. I have 2 jobs, a girlfriend, and a social life, and I make time for it. It means very little sleep for me, but it is WELL WORTH IT. Give it a try.

[jul-els]

Wow, sounds like you got a bad egg, sorry to hear that. Oh well, it's just water under the bridge and it got you to where you are now so it was all for the best.

 

It makes me grateful that our counselor is really empathetic and understanding. She has a real desire to help and it's something we both recognize and want to take full benefit from.

 

Sounds like you've got a good one too. Glad to hear it!

[Desiderata]

The subtle differences in words and the conontation of things are always important and I don't really know what my ex went through, but I know he's worse off than he seemed before. He did quit school but wants to go back and switched jobs, but I think he's just really trying to straighten out his life and he wanted that done by himself.

 

It is important to me that I have someone neutral to talk to I will just have to see what my schedule is like. If I truly do not have the time then it cannot be done - I just feel like it's something to consider doing because though I'm feeling happy, it might just turn me into an even better person.

[beebee]

i couldnt be happier for you mac... !!... therapy is a Godsend...

 

God bless... beebee

[rbr85]

I've attended therapy, and let me say it is extremely helpful. One thing I wasn't used to at the beginning was the focus on YOU. As much as you want to talk about your ex, a good therapist will throw it back on YOU and make you look at why you do what you do. I'll never remember one of the last things my therapist said before he accepted a job elsewhere, "rbr85, she treated you like * * * *"