Jealous!

[beauty86]

Ok this is going to make me sound like probably quite a bad person but it’s something that seems to be getting worse. I’ve started getting really jealous all the time… Firstly of my boyfriend he’s recently started seeing old friends who live near him, because they live close it means they can meet up at the pub whenever and arrange stuff on the last minute. On the contrary me and my friends all live far apart and don’t all drive which means we don’t meet up as often and when we do it has to be arranged in advance. Anyway on a few occasions recently he’s seen them and I’ve ended up in the house on my own, well with my mum. Its really getting me down and instead of just getting on with it and feeling glad for him, I’m sitting in feeling down and starting to envy him, which I hate!

Also I’m developing this sad obsession with his ex. It took her ages to get over him and she made loads of trouble for us when we were first together but it didn’t work. And it was quite clear he hated her, and not being horrible, but I don’t think she is anything special, she’s not mega-pretty or anything like that. So I used to think nothing of her, until a few months ago she came onto facebook and I was able to view hers and now I’m like obsessed, I look at it every day looking at what she’s doing and who she’s talking to etc etc and I’m getting really jealous of her and paranoid that my boyfriend is going to start liking her again, even though its quite obvious he hates her cos she wasn’t nice to him in the end. Also she’s started going out in our home town and quite often my boyfriend goes out and will see her out, and it makes me so jealous! I just don’t understand cos she’s the last person he would talk to / bother with.

 

Arghh anyway its getting out of hand now and making me upset, I’m quite happy with my life but can’t stop comparing it to other peoples.

 

If anyone has any advice about getting out of this situation. I am a positive person, and surprisingly am quite happy with myself and my lifestyle (although it may not show in this post)

 

Thank you xxxx

[Lana0120]

Well, stop looking at this girl's facebook for a start, I would say. Be strong! It's obviously hard to arrange to meet your friends as often as it is for your boyfriend to meet his because of the distance, so I'd just suggest trying to meet more, or maybe trying to make new friends who live closer to you? Basically, the more time you can keep yourself occupied, the less these negative thoughts will keep creeping in.

[beauty86]

Thanks Lana,

 

Yeah ive deicded to stop looking at her facebook its just sad and is making me worse. You're right i probably need to be busier, well I work 9-5 which helps but have been thinking about more stuff i can do in the evening when he is out etc that will keep me busy. I think its cos ive just finished uni, i lived there with friends, and its weird coming home to live with my mum again, feels lonely and like ive not got the same social life. x

[free2Bme]

How about joining a gym? It worked wonders for me when I had a couple of evenings a week with nothing to do. Great way of meeting new people as well

[Lana0120]

It must be difficult adjusting. I think the above post is a good idea - join a gym or something else that gets you out of the house and involved in something useful.

[booberry]

You do realise it's you looking at her facebook and not him, right? Go out and do something with your life and stop obsessing over your boyfriend and his ex when they aren't even communicating.

 

find a great hobby!

[1maineac]

Well, it sounds like you've had a lot of changes in your life lately and it's totally understandable that you feel some kind of unidentifiable emptiness.

 

Since you work, forge relationships with your co-workers, even if you have to make the first move. That's usually a great place to start cos you already have something in common with them. OR--Since you've moved back home-surely there are some old friends you've been out of contact with--look'em up!

 

Also, don't be so cruel to yourself..you're driving yourself nuts with an imaginary foe--concentrate on your own facebook--for all you know she's looking at you while you're looking at her!!

 

You KNOW he doesn't want to be with her--push those negative thoughts right out of your mind--you don't want them tainting your relationship with him, do you? Cos they could make you start being outwardly antagonist with him-that wouldn't be good.

 

You could always take yourself out to innocently be where your boyfriend's friends might be...try to become their friend, too--then maybe you'll be asked to join them more often.

[beauty86]

Hiya,

 

Thanks everyone for the brilliant advice. I'm feeling a lot better now, i think it may have just been an odd phase that i passed through. Cos i am quite a busy person, i already go to the gym and have various other hobbies, and so see friends often. I cant quite explain why i became so obsessed with his ex, it all seems quite sureal now but I'm just happy to have passed through it. Thanks for all the support : )