NC to misled. advice please!!

[manders06]

hey everyone,

so its only been a few weeks since my breakup, and i was on the path of NC until an unexpected phone call from the ex came thru this past weekend. since friday, we have been in contact, talking on the phone and texting. and he's been dropping sweet nothings, such as, i really enjoy talking to you, i miss you, and when i talk about oh man im hopeful and hopeless and the same time (and he knows its in regards to us) he says dont give up all hope yet.

but last night, was the worst, and i dont understand where this sudden anger abd bitterness came from. he called and i was hi and super thrilled, and i asked if he was coming home for the weekend and he says, "i dont have to anymore because im not with you" and i was like oh, i just thought itd be nice to catch up. and then i asked how he was feeling and i told him how i was feeling. and all he said was i dont have to tell you how i feel. if you want to be hopeful, and have feelings for me still, then thats how you feel, but nothings going to happen now.

 

i just feel like crap. howd i get myself believing that everything was working its self back out? i just feel that if i go thru with NC months will pass, all his feelings for me will disappear, and we'll never have a chance again. im hopeless. advice please!

[Lana0120]

I think he's not interested in getting back together with you at all. I think he is playing mind games and that you're better off going into NC again for your own sanity.

[Benjyh]

sounds like he was taking you for a ride until he found someone else and now he is trying to drop you so that you wont contact him anymore, bit nasty really.

 

GO NC and forget this guy he obviously isnt worth it

[Nixee]

He's been keeping you on the line, probably under the guise of "let's stay friends". Guys who do this will be super sweet and happily walk down memory lane with you, but the second you look like you are trying to initiate a real reconcilliation, they will lay down the law again.

 

My ex did this to me on a few separate occasions because we DID get back together... twice. And it lasted for a long time, but I should have ignored the warning signs from the get go. He was just with me to be with someone he felt comfortabe with and close to. The second someone he wanted more came along, he ditched me and left my life a mess.

 

Don't let him keep that power over you... go back to NC.

[mushmouth]

Why would you want to be with a man who doesn't know what he wants and is only willing to show you attention when he is looking for it on his own?

 

You deserve better and you can find better. Don't worry about going into NC and having him forget about you in a few months. He won't forget about you. What will happen is you will get a chance to see this relationship from a distance and you will be better able to access what you really want in a parnter, especially one who you are willing to open up to and share your feelings with.

 

I recommend taking care of yourself right now and treating yourself with the self respect this man clearly doesn't have for himself.

[SteveNaive]

I have to agree with my fellow posters above. It sounds very much like he is not sure what he really wants. I would strongly recommend that you try to keep no contact. Have no fear of driving him away by having NC. You are more likely to do so, if you try and share your feelings with him. From his rather harsh reactions I think you can tell he has no real interest, at least not now.

 

No contact will be a good way for you to heal, which is what you should concentrate on now. Right now it does not look like there is too much of a feeling on his side, so there is nothing that can potentially be lost if you go on NC. Take your time to get over what just happened and treat yourself respectfully and grow. And most certainly you will at some point find someone, who will really and truly appreciate you...

[manders06]

thank you so much everyone. the kind words are really going to help me get thru this. i was just so ostuck in the position of "how can someone you care about so much and invested in so much, not even care in return and can treat you with such disrespect?"

im going to be strong!

[beebee]

i cant answer for him, but i sure as hell can tell you one thing that is true... hes nuts!...

 

this is the exact same scenerio i went through with my ex... it came from nowhere and was totally unexpected (the breakup)... his conversations were all over the place... he wants me, misses me, blah blah blah, made tons of sexual innuendos then when i would feel almost as if life was going to be ok again, he would call and blast me... one of the excuses he used is listed below... makes absolutely no sense, but he was angry and he sure made me know it... he picked at the most unreasonable things and i would be literally begging him to stop putting me down because it hurt so much...

 

he wanted to hurt me... he did... i stayed away and he found someone else... now hes her problem... he nuts and so is your ex boyfriend...

 

i wish i could dig deeper into it for you, but thats all i can come up with... personalities that are scattered like that show some kind of personality disorder... what it is i dont know...

 

God bless... beebee