Any Advice or ideas could help

[SpyderE]

Recently my girlfriends 10yr old boy was caught saying/doing things with his cousins he definitly should not have been doing. In the past there have been rumbelings of things possibly happening but nothing could really be nailed down. Now there is confirmation of something happening as well as a story from credible people. There was no physical contact involved but we are concerned that if left un-attended this could lead down a dark path.

What are the options out there for getting kids counseling for this type of thing? What can you do as a parent to prevent this from happening again?

At this point we will not let him near any other children without an adult present. This makes things difficult for us as well but if it will prevent another incident then it is definitly worth it.

 

The events seem beyond just kids being kids and exploring...

 

as the title indicates, any help will be appreciated. I know his mom is having a really tough time with this.

[melrich]

Have you guys talked to him at all about this behaviour? If not I'd suggest that would be a starting point.

 

It's a bit hard to say whether counselling should be an option, not knowing the exact nature of the behaviour but certainly there are many good behavouralists that can help with correcting inappropriate behaviour of children.

 

If it were me I think I would see how far you get discussing the issue with him first. Try not to focus on the behaviour itself but why he thinks he is behaving in that way, that is, what is behind it.

[nuttybuddy]

well, there is such a thing as a conduct disorder. this is usually an aggression that violates basic rights of others, social rules. and can be deceitful, destructive etc.

 

so go see a medical doctor.

[SpyderE]

His mom has talked with him as well as his grandmother (she was there first)

He won't admit to doing the things he did, but he does say that there is no way to prove it etc... kinda fishy. There were unrelated adults whom heard what was going on and stopped things, which is where we got the news.

This last incident is fairly recent so we are just trying to figure out what to do next, as I had mentioned, the first thing we are doing is removing any unsupervised interaction with any kids.

 

As to a past history or causes, I don't know, I have known his mother about 1 1/2 years, we have been dating for the past 6months. In talking with her she does not know of anything which could have brought this on.

It is hard to discuss things with him while he will not admit to what happened, it's not an issue of placing blame, but asking questions about what happened, and also asking him what he thinks certain things/words mean. The answers have varied, it seems he is answering what his mom wants to hear. It is just a tough situation with no easy answer, but we cannot just let it go, yet I don't know how to move forward...

 

I am just frustrated and worried.

[EvaGina]

The vast majority of kids experiment...

 

But if it seems rather sinister... a friendly, supportive chat might be in order... with proper grooming most kids dont admit to molestation without being asked lovingly... I would be worried if my child was seemingly far more sexually advanced than his ages warrents.

[nuttybuddy]

well, since you're not divulging any details, our advice here is limited.

 

if this kid does have a conduct disorder, it can be genetic or psychosocial. i would guess since his mom is dating you, it could be a psychosocial problem with the fact that his father is missing.

 

in any case, i think you guys are doing right by structuring the child's environment with firm rules. in addition, psychotherapy and pharmacotherapy can help in treating him.

 

if he truly is diagnosed by a doctor to have conduct disorder, steps should be taken to treat him properly. kids with conduct disorder can develop antisocial personality disorder as adults which is something a lot of criminals have. many prisoners in prison have this latter disorder.

[Lana0120]

I have a relative who caught her son in the middle of stealing something. There wasn't anything the police could have done really, but she took him straight to the police station. Talked to a police officer and then got the police officer to scare the crap out of the kid. Maybe this is in order here? There certainly sounds like there's something off about the kid and it sounds like people are doing the right thing by not leaving him unsupervised, but if he's 10 already....

[SpyderE]

The details are a bit tough to talk about, I know it's fairly anon here but it's still tough.

Basically he told other children to undress and threatend them if they did not. There is more to it but I am still not yet comfortable typing it out.

 

His mother has always been honest with him whenever he has ever asked about sex etc. she has never portrayed it as wrong or bad.

I don't know what type of past brings these type of things on. I am trying to gain as much knowledge on these things now so I can help her deal with this, and get him whatever help he needs so things don't get worse.

 

Thanks for teh responses, every little bit helps.

[nuttybuddy]

i see.... i didn't mean to twist your arm to tell me what you said. i guess if you had just said that he DID violate other people's rights, then that would have been enough.

 

I donno if the mom answered all of the child's sexual questions in detail. You might think being honest was the best she thought she could do, but maybe too much honesty could have been traumatizing for his age.

 

but it sounds like he did cross the line with other people's basic rights. he's traumatized those kids for life! he sounds like he needs professional help. i wouldn't take this type of act lightly, if you were trying to rationalize that he was just being a curious boy about sex.

 

and you sound like a wonderful man, being very concerned for them...

[SpyderE]

There was no rationalization here, I am no expert in this by any means but I know that this is not a usual kid growing up kind of thing...

As to his mom answering questions, he never asked really detailed questions, more the kind of growing up questions. Why are things sticking up in the morning...

 

With regards to professional help, I agree but I don't know where to start looking. My skills with Google only go so far when looking for Dr's locally, I don't know who to search for really. Is there a specific type of psychiatrist (can't spell today) or is this a counseling issue. I don't know where to start looking.

[nuttybuddy]

You can't go to a psychiatrist without a referral. And that means, you need to see a primary care physician first. A primary care physician would be someone like a Family doctor, or Pediatrician, or an Internal Medicine doctor. Or in emergency cases, an ER doc.

 

 

I think for this child's case, you can look up a nearby pediatrician or a family doc. Either one should be able to assess and refer to a psychiatrist if deemed necessary. ( which sounds necessary to me. )