Boyfriend acting weird

[TulipGems]

I like to read the kind of books about real people and their lives and so I read a lot of stories of how people have overcome abuse and neglect and so on. Like the Dave Pelzer books and lots of ones like that.

 

Well, my boyfriend (we've been together about four months) and I had a massive fight last night and it all started because of one of these particular books.

 

Basically I was reading this book and he just out of the blue said "why do you read that crap?" I just said that I like to read real life stories and how people overcome bad things and he said "well, I think those kind of books are weird".

So I said that he'd never even read one so how would he know and he said that he didn't need or want to read one. So I started to read a small passage out to him and he actually snatched the book off me and threw it on the floor and yelled "I don't want to hear about this *swearword*" and then he just stormed out. We haven't spoken since and I am a little confused and shocked about what happened.

 

He's never really acted like this before. He can be moody and quiet but he's never actually yelled at me like that.

Do you think he's being unreasonable?

Does he have an anger problem that is only just beginning to surface?

What do you think I should do?

I don't know whether to confront him or just let it go and pass it off as a silly argument.

[angeleyes07]

Hi Tulipgems

Wow you must be feeling very confused....his reaction tells me 2 things....1 he has a past issues...maybe he has been abused or something happened that made him feel threatened by you reading about things like that...

2 he does have a angry side as what he did and how he acted is very much a control thing....

Now what to do...hmmm tricky one...

I would say let it settle for now and give him time to see his childish behaviour and if it was me i would want a appology..

Stand back and try to see the real picture here

*what caused his outburst???

AND KEEP READING THEM BOOKS!!! but maybe for now put some in a draw till you work out what caused him to be like that. hugs

[TulipGems]

Oh wow. Thanks for your answer. I never even thought it might be something to do with his past. But now that you mention it maybe you have a point.

Do you think I should call him?

Or wait for him to make the first move?

Should I ask him why he acted like he did?

[Hope75]

Hi There,

 

Maybe once he's cooled off you can ask him what provoked such a reaction from him.

 

Maybe once he's cooled off he'll be more open and responsive to talking about it.

[Daligal83]

I agree with the other posters. It really sounds like seeing that book was a trigger for him. Wait until he's cooled off and ask him why he reacted that way. There's definitely something going on there because it's beyond irrational to get upset over what your SO is reading.

[TulipGems]

So should I just wait for him to come to me?

Or call him and let him know I'm not mad or anything?

Thanks

[Daligal83]

I think the next time you are together, bring it up in a casual way. Don't accuse him of anything. Just let him know that it worried you how he reacted to you reading a book and you're wondering why he did react like that. I doubt he'll come to you and just open up...he may not even open up once you ask him. But it can't hurt to try.

[summerpeach]

You cannot really say someone is acting weird after only knowing them for 4 months. Basically, you don't really know someone after only 4 months, so he's prob acting the way he really is

[Hope75]

I think the next time you are together, bring it up in a casual way. Don't accuse him of anything. Just let him know that it worried you how he reacted to you reading a book and you're wondering why he did react like that. I doubt he'll come to you and just open up...he may not even open up once you ask him. But it can't hurt to try.

 

I agree with this. Try not to make an issue of it, but do bring it up lightly and say that his reaction surprised you and you are wondering if he wants to talk about it, since it seemed so out of character for him.

[TulipGems]

Hi. Thankyou for all your responses. He came over last night and apologised for his behaviour. He admitted that he over reacted and I did ask him why. He said he couldn't understand why people would want to talk about the bad things happened to them and why they didn't just push those memories away. I tried to explain that talking or writing about things is a form of therapy for them and that's probably why they write these books. He still couldn't get why they wanted to make them public though. He seemed a little upset so I asked him if he was alright and he clammed up and said that he was fine and apologised again. I told him that there was nothing he couldn't tell me and that anything he did tell me wouldn't change the way I feel about him and left it at that. But I really want to get to the bottom of this because I don't think what he said is the real reason why he over reacted. What do you guys all think?

[Daligal83]

I think something may have happened to him, but don't push him on it. You've only been together for 4 months. It may take awhile for him to open up about it. I think what you said was great and just continue to reinforce that for him. Maybe down the line you can talk about your childhoods and your experiences and he'll tell you about his...but like I said don't push him. If something did happen, he'll have to tell you in his own time.

[TulipGems]

Thanks so much for your help. I haven't mentioned it anymore to him but he's been really quiet and, not moody as such, but almost moody the last day or so and I can't seem to cojole him out of it. It's almost like he's constantly preoccupied with something and he doesn't seem like he's paying attention to anything going on around him. If I say something to him I have to say it like three times before he hears me. I think you're right about something happening to him. I'd like him to open up to me and talk to me. Is there anything I can do that will make him trust me enough do you think? Or do I just have to wait it out?

[Daligal83]

I think you have to wait it out. Just be there for him, support him, let him know that you are available. You can do it in nonverbal ways. Like if you see him stressed, just gently take his hand. When he does vent to you, give him your full attention and help where you can. He just has to learn that he can rely on you and that may take awhile.

 

Does he have any close friends that he confides in? Because you have only been together 4 months, it doesn't surprise me or worry me that he isn't fully confiding in you yet. But I just want to make sure he does have people that he can go to that he's developed that trust with.

[TulipGems]

He does have a group of friends that he's know for a few years. I'm not sure whether he confides in any of them though. There is one guy who he is quite good friends with but they don't seem to have that kind of relationship where they talk about serious things. It always seem relaxed/chilled and just everyday things with the two of them. Do you think I should talk to his friend maybe?

[ProtestTheHero]

You cannot really say someone is acting weird after only knowing them for 4 months. Basically, you don't really know someone after only 4 months, so he's prob acting the way he really is

 

I think 4 months is enough time to get a basic reading of someone's personality, unless they are intentionally being deceitful (in which you could know them for 4 years and the situation would be the same).

 

Sounds to me like the other posters are right. He probably has first hand experience w/ abuse.