i have no friends...

[LostnConfused87]

I've been in college for 3 years now...junior college. I haven't had a friend for a long time. i got a test to get out of high school my junior year because i couldn't take it anymore. its been about 4 years i think since i had a friend. i only had a few friends in high school who i didnt really like, so i didnt keep in contact with them. i just feel completely lost, and ive been tired of being lonely for so long, its just now its starting to get to me a lot again, and im starting to wonder if i should just give up on life...i think im going to be alone forever and it suks...i cut myself off from so many family members too, like my cousins and uncles, i just can't think of anything to say to them, and i guess after a while they just stopped talking with me when they come down. i cant talk to my parents either...they don't understand a think...im completely friendless...im just on the computer all day, i dont get anything done...

 

everyone here just looks like they already have their own group of friends. how am i supposed to make friends with people that are actually decent? not like me who just sits home being depressed playing games all day or being here... people that actually go out places and have fun things to talk about? im tired of my life...i want these feelings to end somehow...

[Lana0120]

I've been where you are and it's not easy. You just have to start by saying hi to people you share classes with and look out for people who seem to be on their own. Chances are, there are others out there who are just as lonely as you are - it's finding them that's the problem. Also, bear in mind, that once you're out of college things will be different. You'll get a job and meet workmates who you'll get to know and some of which, you may be friends with.

[kaoticbaby]

i go to a community college, where everybody commutes. hardly anybody talks to eachother in classes, especially people of the same gender. most of my friends went away for college, so i'm in the same boat almost. i try to talk to girls in my class, and sometimes get pretty friendly with them, but so far i've only managed to hang out with one [and then i realized she was verryy boring...]

 

but despite that, i plan on trying again this semester. i'm not going to let that discourage me.

[applejack]

One reason that some people have difficulty interacting with others is......that they don't let other people in. What I mean, is that one is so afraid that others will not like them, so they close themselves off from people.

 

Unfortunately, being shy, or fearing rejection, can sometimes be perceived as aloofness......being snobbish.....or whatever. You get the picture.

 

No matter who you are, or what your background....someone, somewhere will like you for you. Don't be afraid to talk to people and mingle.

 

There is nothing wrong with being "weird". Everyone is "weird" or an "outcast" to someone else. Perhaps you just haven't found the right crowd.

 

I don't have to tell you that there are some cruel and immature people out there. If a few jerks reject you.....don't take it personally. Get back out there.

 

One more thing.....have you considered that you may have social anxiety......in which there are drugs that treat?

[Caldus]

One more thing.....have you considered that you may have social anxiety......

 

Hey, someone without social anxiety is aware of it! Yeah, I would definitely attribute my lack of friendships in my life in the last few years to my social anxiety. The irony is that I want to have more friends in my life but that I tend to close up around people as much as I can to avoid any possible judgement/rejection. We are extremely good with avoiding or trying to close off in social situations of any kind. It's just a habit that is formed over time since people continuously brought you down/rejected you as a child/teenager. And all of this definitely does not work in our favor.

 

To the original OP, I have been in a similar situation as you for several years now. I have tried dating sites (both for finding new friends and for dating) and even bravely joined a few clubs at school, but to no avail. All I usually get in the end is a bunch of situations where I hang out with someone one or two times and then never see them again. Like the previous poster said (and I actually believe) is that we just haven't really found our group to hang out with. I tend to always be the oddball in any social situation and always the one who looks stupid or screws up in front of other people. I am so used to it that I feel like I am in a sense separated from the rest of the population. Now if we can figure out a way to find people like us, right?

[applejack]

Sometimes it takes years of therapy to undo what one creep in high school puts you through.

[Caldus]

Nah, therapy doesn't help either. Tried that route while in college. I really think it's going to take some real dedication and powerful self cognitive behavioral therapy. And I think that will happen when be become motivated to enough to finally change our lives (or rather, to get a life).

[LostnConfused87]

i think i can manage to say hi to people...i just doubt i will be able to keep them talking to me throughout the semester...sometimes i feel like opening my mouth to speak, but i just cant get the words out of me...something holds me back from doing it, then most of the time its just that i cant think of anything fun to say, im too serious, but i dont want to be.

 

i DO fear rejection i think because i know i will most likely be with all these people for so many hours a week the whole semester, id rather just keep quiet and not make a fool out of myself. i guess thats why i end up feeling lonely, but then again i just can't help feeling id end up feeling the same way if i tried talking to people...im one of those boring people with nothing going on in his life...im completely lost...

 

i been thinking maybe i should go get a job tho...one thats around people closer to my age (18-22ish or more). i cant think of anything else other than the mall...ive never had a job before...been spoiled all my life, and i plan to try real estate also, i figured since i still don't know what i want to major in and can't see a future ahead for me continueing with college, i'd just try that...i can't even talk to people tho, yet id have to be meeting with people constantly. mostlikely ill fail that so terribly.

 

what is social anxiety? is that something you are born with? when i was in middle school, i was so happy...i hung out with only a couple kids, but i didnt have trouble talking to people and i was almost kind of popular...everyone in my grade level pretty much knew who i was and i wasnt made fun of or anything. things changed after that when we moved...

 

my college sounds like yours tho kaotic. people in my college are old and theres usually not a whole lot of talking going on. all the young people don't talk much in class either, but they have friends outside of it tho. i see them meet up with their friends or call them up during break or something...

[kaoticbaby]

then most of the time its just that i cant think of anything fun to say, im too serious, but i dont want to be.

 

 

that's funny, because that's my problem too.

 

but for some reason once there's three of us or more instead of being on-on-one i turn into a funny, animated person. maybe try talking to two people next to you at the same time, so that there's less pressure on you to keep the conversation going. i go from being serious to funny and interesting without that pressure on me.