What does my Ex want? friends or more? confused

[sensitivesarah]

Hey Everyone,

 

I'm new at this, so I'm sorry if my letter ends up being long. I'm 20 years old and my ex is 22. Our relationship started out werid because we both basically betrayed the people we were with because we had feelings for each other. We "saw" each other for about 5 months, then started the official relationship, which lasted 5 months as well. So total of 10 months. It was an interracial relationship, but that doesn't have anything to do with it.

 

We had a great relationship, not only were we bf/gf we were best friends, and went through a lot together...his family problems, the death of one of my best friends as well as my great grandma..and many more things. Noone cheated on the other, and we never fought, well we had disagreements, but never yelled and never blocked the other person out of the other ones life. We had only one problem, a communication problem, basically he wasn't able to share his feelings and emotions as well as I was. Mainly because of the difference in racial upbringing. So when things would bother him about our relationship, he'd never let me know, and I would just presume that things were ok. He stopped calling me to tell me if he couldn't make plans because he knew that I would just suggest other things and get mad (because it had happened once in the past) and that got really bad, because I would hurt and never believe that he was coming and stuff like that. It's hard to explain the problem..but I guess that is about it..mainly communication.

 

So I never saw it coming, but he broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. I've never been more hurt in my life, I've never loved anyone as much as I loved him, it felt like someone pulled my heart out of my chest and forgot to sew up the wound. He did it thru e-mail because he said he wouldn't be able to tell me to my face. And said that he wasn't sure whether it was the right thing to do. I needed to see him pretty badly..so I jumped on a bus to go and see him (he lives in a different town than me, about 30 min away) i told him how i felt, he cried, and said we'd talk about it. During the next week we talked about it, but basically just argued. Me telling him that it wasn't fair, he never really gave me a chance by not telling me how he was feeling, and him telling me that he still loves me but he just doesn't know what to do right now. He had suggested taking a break in the past, but we had dismissed it and tried to work things out. We want to stay friends, so we visited each other, and ended up doin things that friends don't do (i'm sure you can guess what this is), there were so many emotions involved.

 

Now I am confused and he is confused, and I don't know what to do. Part of me tells me to just be his friends, things happen for a reason and he wil either realize what he has lost and will ask for it back, or I will gain a wonderful friend. But part of me wants to explain to him that I need to know what he wants, he can't just have me as a friend and decide to be more than friends when he feels like it, as well as tell him how much i miss him and still care about him.

 

So sorry this is so long, if anyone could give me some advice, that would be great..and if you need to know anything else or are confused about anything to give me advice..just let me know and i will post what you need!

 

Thanks everyone, I so just needed to talk to someone

[hoppy26]

ill try to offer some advice...........YOU need to draw the line.

if he is unsure, give him space. if he wants to be friends instead of being gf/bf then try it if it is something you can handle.

if he wants to be friends with benefits......thats where you need to draw the line. i couldnt handle sleeping with my ex. just to much emotion involved. it seems that he just doesnt know what to do. so i think you need to take charge in this circumstance. be the communicator. when he responds with what he wants then at that point its in your hands. if you think you can still be just friends. then great for you. bu one mistake you cannot make is being his friend with the intentions and hopes you will get back together. reality is he might find someone else or you may aswell.