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Little back story: 2 years ago I went through a horrible break-up I had a friend, we will call him Big Red who was there for me through it. Very helpful, would listen to what I had to say even though I said it a million times. He was dating someone for a month at this time. Big Red's gf cheated on him after a month and they broke-up.


The next 2 months were a whirlwind of us being together, not being together, sleeping together, and sleeping with our exs. Needless to say we rebounded off each other. But there was something else there to. The first time and every time after we kissed it was...I can't explain it. All I know is that there was something between us that could develop into something but it was the wrong time for us. I had stated that I could not be with him and Big Red then got back together with the ex who cheated on him. He said that like a phoenix out of the ashes their love returned.


In the next 2 years we could not talk, Big Red's ex would not allow it. I received 1 text on my birthday and that has been it.


Let me state it was about a year later that I realized that there was something there that if I had acted different or was not in the same state COULD develop into something special. I choose within myself to respect the relationship he had with his girlfriend and have lived each day since.


I recently came into contact with him a few days ago and found out yesterday he broke-up with his gf. He was not happy and he does not feel she is the one for him. I said something so stupid, so horrible I feel like an idiot.


Conversation went a bit like this:

He: Now, I am not saying this as anything more than a fact. The first time I kissed you I felt like time slowed down. I felt as though there was some thing more than just lips and skin and nerves interacting. I have never felt that with steph. It's things like that that I strive for.


Me will not say what i have wanted to for 2 years because it is not right thing to do


He don't say those things. I can't handle that right now. I need to get free and clear and be happy with ****(his name) before I can even think about anyone else.


I of course would NEVER say something like that to him right now. He just got out of a relationship. I know if I was to ever try this with him I want 100% of him and the ability to give myself to him 100%. I will be very supportive if he needs a friend in the time to come.


I guess I always pictured him as the one who got away, and my heart became so excited to hear he had broken up with her, but then reality set in and I soon realized that this is not the time. So much more time needs to pass for him and his life.


I just needed to get this out.

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Ugh... I actually have had a couple guys in my past like this... the ones who got away. Of course, it was awful for me to realize that at least some of it was my own fault...


But I feel for you. I think if you feel that strongly, definitely do NOT alienate him, but do keep in contact with him. Make yourself available to him, but let him come to you. It sounds like he feels/felt the same way, so you just need to give him time and be patient.


But don't disappear from his life completely unless he asks you to. I did that with a guy I had strong feelings for, and who I know liked me, but the timing was all wrong. And after time had passed and I heard from him again, he was getting married to someone else... ugh!


Fate... timing... it can be the worst.

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Yes I agree. I can not do anything in this situation but be there when he needs a friend and if one day decides that he may feel anything other then that friendship come to me. I have not disappeared but would you agree that I should not initate to much contact. I do not want to be put in the position of really good friend (aka sister to me)

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You are probably right about that... too close is not good. However, I kinda doubt, given your romantic past and the way he admits he felt about kissing you, that he will ever start to see you as a sister.


Just frustrating that sometimes those really strong feelings, or even love, isn't enough to overcome obstacles like timing.

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