Emotional wreck.

[soulseeker86]

So here is my story..

 

My bf of 2 years broke up with me.. again. We constantly would break up and get back together.. of course i would be the one always begging for him back. But it became almost routine that i dont even know how i was able to go through all that emotional stress.

 

I was pretty much emotionally abused through out the relationship. He started off to be the sweetest guy.. everything was perfect in the beginning.. as it always is. We instantly connected.. fell madly in love.. and by the 3rd month he told me that i was his future wife.. and that he wanted to be with me forever.

 

Then after several months.. things started to change and we'd get in small fights. He'd complain that i didnt see him enough.. and when i finally quit my job to see him more.. he'd complain that i was too needy. He would bring up stuff about my past, and thought i was * * * * if i went to clubs so i stopped going clubbin. He made me erase all the guys in my phone and block certain guys from my aim. He made stop hanging out with certain friends.. and get mad if i went out clubbing.

 

Whenever he was angry, he'd ignore me.. and thats the one thing that drives me crazy so i would constantly call him over and over.

 

This last break up, i went nuts and went to his work.. then went to his house. Ive done this before.. and i know it sounds like im crazy but i couldnt handle the breakup. He threatened to call the cops for harassment.. he called my mom instead and told her what i was doing. i left him alone.. then after a week i called cuz i missed him (big mistake) and he made it sound like he was going to give me another chance. But after that talk.. he didnt call or answer my phone for 2 days so i freaked out and went to his work again (big mistake). And now im back at square one. He told me that i had no chance with him.

 

I feel like dying.. i cant handle this pain. Why do i want to be with someone that treats me so bad? I know hes not good for me but i miss him so much. The pain is unbearable. How can he throw away 2 years of history together. I am the longest hes ever been with.. and yea we fought a lot but we went through a lot together.. i was the first to go with him to florida to visit his mom. He told me that he wanted to move there and he wanted me to come.. he said he wanted a future together. How can someone tell me he loves me but leaves me like this knowing how much pain im going through? Does that mean he never loved me at all? I'm so depressed.. i havent eaten all day.. i cant function in school.. im at a point where i feel like i just want to drop out of school and not do nething.. help..

[HarleyHunny]

You've got case of "abandoholism" - No kidding....it's quite common, actually....get some help, please.

 

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[CrazyKing]

You're a masochist... Or is it the women's instinct of feeling that there is some great potential behind a man and your greater self is telling you to continue???

[soulseeker86]

wow, i just read that.. it sounds like me..

 

scary.

[Clabs]

Hey soulseeker

 

I am sorry you are hurting. I know that you feel like dying - you really do feel that way and it sucks.

 

The main thing is that you recognise that this guy is no good for you. So you do know that this is the right path.

 

Stop pleading and begging him back - you just lose more and more self-respect iin doing that.

 

The rough part is getting over him. You will have phases like this where you are in denial. How can he do this? Why is he doing this? Did he ever love me at all? I am sure he did love you but some people just fall out of love or have other issues that get in the way.

 

You need to take this a minute and hour at a time right now. First off - you must eat something - even just some soup - because you need to keep your strength up. Really lean on family and friends and come back here for support.

 

You WILL get through this - I promise you that. Don't drop out of school - you know that would be daft - you will have a lose lose there because you will have all that time to sit and mope.

 

Come on honey - you can do this.

 

Mark

[soulseeker86]

Thanks Mark..

 

I feel like this is all my fault. I tried doing the NC but I couldnt resist.. I missed him too much. He said he'd give me another chance.. and now i feel like i blew it.

 

Last night i nearly had an anxiety attack.. I couldnt breathe.. I was so overhwhelmed with the breakup, plus school, and problems in my family. Everything just feels like its crumbling apart.

[Clabs]

Hey soulseeker

 

Of course it is not all your fault - and that is the point here - he is so wishy washy with what he wants and then pushes blame back on you when you get frustrated.

 

You must think about the reasons that your head is a mess and that you keep breaking up and then getting back togeter over and over - think about all the rotten times you had - all those arguments - You don't see me enough - you are too needy blah blah. He said he would give you another chance and you feel like you blew it. Well again - he is so wishy washy - what he says and what he DOES are two completely separate things. And you haven't blown anything - you do not need to be with this guy. Why would you?

 

Ask yourself this question. Would you allow any of your friends to treat you in this despicable way? Exactly.

 

Things are still red raw for you - that is why you need to take this a day at a time. Ask for LOTS of support and listen to it. But you need to grieve and move through this phase, otherwise you stay stuck in this rut and harm yourself some more. Once this initial phase eases, try to get your head down and stuck into your school work - it will take your mind off of things.

 

Mark

[bubblyblonde11]

Hey girl your ex seemed similar to mine very much so, promising everything so early on then backing off once they had you in their control, which is what I believe it is all about. Once they have spun there web around you and your trapped (so to speak) then they back off.

 

You can read some of my history in the Journals on here to see some of the similarities.

 

All I would say is, it's not your fault, time does make it better and don't be upset - get angry then use your anger in a positive way and get on with your life, make plans, get down the gym, eat right, go out with friends, do all the things YOU like doing, treat yourself to pampering massages etc

 

It does work as does time.

[summerpeach]

I think it's time you learn to love yourself.

It would seem that you think you're nothing without him.

Getting help for this would surely get you over this hump.

Your ex will keep doing this to you as long as you keep being his "doormat"

You are very needy and neediness is not a quality for a healthy relationship.

It's time you stop putting all the focus on him (going to his work etc) and put the focus on you by getting some help and moving on.

This guy is not mean or evil, he's fed up.

[soulseeker86]

Hey bubblyblonde.. i read some of ur journals and it reminded me a lot of my relationship with my ex.

 

And thanks mark for all ur advice and support..

 

I know its not all my fault.. but i keep thinking about wut if i had done this differently or if i didnt do those things then maybe we would still be together. I keep beating myself up.. and ughh its driving me insane.

 

I did talk to my psychologist today.. ive been seeing her for a couple of weeks. She recommended me taking medication.. antidepressants.. so hopefully that will help. Today starts the official day of NC.. again. I broke down and called him yesterday.. but today.. i have not conacted him at all. Hopefully i can stick to it it this time.

[Clabs]

Hey soulseeker!

 

There is always those thoughts - those what if's that trounce through your head and your heart - beating your brain up - driving you to distraction. They suck, but you will come to a point where you realise that actually, you were a pretty damn good girlfriend and actually, you did do the right things and you couldn't of done anything differently to save the relationship.

 

I hope that the AD's you have been prescribed do the trick - hopefully take the edge off of things and help you to move forward.

 

Try to stick with this NC thing because it will be your friend in the end. It is hard - and very easy to have a weak moment - but you just set yourself back and then you feel stoopid and foolish. Keep coming back here if you feel weak - in fact keep coming back anyway. Some people write a journal of their progress on here - that gives you a timeline of how you are doing.

 

And if you do feel weak - we are on hand to throw your mobile out the window and cut your telephone wires!

 

You CAN do this honey.

 

Mark

[soulseeker86]

Thanks hun.

 

Right now I'm so filled with anger, frustration, sadness, betrayal. I want to scream, cry, hurt something. Sometimes I feel like im ok, i can handle this.. then next thing i know I just want to die.. I cant take this pain any longer.

 

How can someone be so cruel hearted.. when I put my whole heart into this relationship only to have it be broken and stomped on.

 

I hate him. I hate myself for letting him treat me this way.

[Clabs]

Hey soulseeker!

 

We all go through those gut wrentching feelings in various degrees - and they hurt like hell. I had strong urges to hurt things and eneded up taking out my rage on various pieces of office equipment - my best being a large calculator that I thew out the window.

 

The thing to cling to is that you do have better times. Those better times will increase with time and this other cr@p will slowly ebb away. I know - I know - where are the magic fast forward pills?

 

People can be cruel - because it is human nature. Some people can be very selfish. It is just a fact of life.

 

It is ok to hate him - a bit of hate in this is good to use as a springboard out of this misery. But please don't hate yourself - it is time to be kind to yourself - be selfish for you for a change.

 

You can do this - trust me you can.

 

Mark

[summerpeach]

I would NOT recommend taking anti-depressants. Dr's love to prescribe meds.

Listen, this is a rough time in your life, but try if you can do get throught his w/out meds.

Unless you are bi polar, meds are not going to take away the "blues"

Trust me on this one

Look at this pain your experiencing as a wealth of strength you will use in the future.

Listen my ex of 11 yrs walked out on me for another women. We owned a biz and had a good life together. I lost my biz, him, and had to start my life all over.

I was on the floor in fetal positions most days. It was the hardest time of my life.

I know your pain, believe me. But with lots of hard work, seeing the therapist, seeing friends and reading and just feeling the pain, you come out of it much stronger.

I know you feel like your whole world is sinking, but it's not. The Universe just "kicked" you off the "cliff", so to speak b/c your life was not going in the direction that is best for you.

I look back at my ex (this was 7 yrs ago) and I think to myself "WOW that was the best thing that ever happened to me"

Stay strong and DO NOT TAKE MEDS!

[soulseeker86]

Hey summerpeach, sorry that had to happen to u but im glad it made u a stronger person and u were able to move on. I know my situation could be worse.. but the pain is so unbearable sometimes, i just feel like nothing will make me happy.

 

I already started taking the pills.. but if it makes things worse I will definitely stop.

 

I took my first pill last night and while i was sleeping.. it was weird but I kind of blocked out thinking about ex. However, I ended up waking up in the middle of night and had difficulties sleeping. I know the pill is not suppose to work that fast.. but it was strange.. my body felt weird.

 

Today is day 2 of no contact.

 

I still miss him like crazy. I cant eat but my stomach is grumbling and i know its hungry but too depressed to eat.

 

Actually, right now i just feel stupid for doing all the things that ive done.. going to his work, his house.. calling him over n over.. i just feel like im crazy and everyone else will think im crazy. I want to disappear from the face of this earth

[ivanhoe]

Hey SoulSeeker.

 

I know your pain, we all do, it will get better. It's good you feel stupid for chasing him the way you did, it means you are less likely to do it again and is a good sign for your NC. He finished with you remember, he doesn't deserve you to chase him and you don't deserve the way he has rejected you when you love him. You will love again, and it doesn't mean you were wrong to love this man. You have the strength to get through this and I would agree that AD's are wrong for you. You are grieving and the first step is to understand how normal this is, I grieved for my ex as if I had been told she had died, I accept that I won't ever see her again now and I am emotionally detaching from her. You can do this too. When we get dumped we feel like the lowest form of life, we have been rejected and feel worthless because one person that we were "in love" with has decided they don't want to be with us. It's their choice and we have to accept it and it's ok, because of this we grow and learn more about oursleves and our capacity to "feel". These emotions are good, in time you can embrace them, and understand how they are developed and how what we think affects our feelings and behaviour.

 

Take some time out for yourself, be good to yourself and keep up the NC. In time NC will become the habit that chasing him was and you will feel so much better for it.

[soulseeker86]

Grrr I keep thinking about all the things he made me do..

 

He wouldn't let me see one of my friends because he thought she was a bad influence when she really wasnt. I had to hide the fact that i was in class with her. One time when I told him that i had to pick up something from her, he broke up with me cause i wasnt allowed to see her.

 

Another time he got mad at me cuz i was 5 minutes late for the movies.. and he said that i dont know how to plan things and im not going to get anywhere in life.

 

Argrr.. im remembering these things.. makes me so ANGRY.

[summerpeach]

Grrr I keep thinking about all the things he made me do..

 

He wouldn't let me see one of my friends because he thought she was a bad influence when she really wasnt. I had to hide the fact that i was in class with her. One time when I told him that i had to pick up something from her, he broke up with me cause i wasnt allowed to see her.

 

Another time he got mad at me cuz i was 5 minutes late for the movies.. and he said that i dont know how to plan things and im not going to get anywhere in life.

 

Argrr.. im remembering these things.. makes me so ANGRY.

 

hun, HE did not make you do anything. No one can force u to do anything.

Take ownership of how you let him treat you and how he dictated to you on how you should behave.

Anger is good. It's all part of the healing process, but be angry at yourself.

 

You only started the meds last night and I would STRONGLY suggest you not take them. You were probably given Zoloft or Paxil which are SR's. Slow release and will not even work on you for another 2 weeks or more.

Personally, any Dr that would give u meds for a broken heart is irresponsible.

You need to feel the pain. Like someone said above, feeling stupid for what you did at least shows you're acknowledging responsibility for your actions.

 

There is no drug in this world that can mend a broken heart and if there was, the makers would ne TRILLIONAIRES...heheh!

 

Exercise if THE BEST drug for a break up.....

[summerpeach]

Soul, I am NOT sorry for all my heartache. That heartache made me the strong person I am today. That was only the a small portion of what my ex did to me. He was a monster. But I survived.

The heartache I faced over the last 7 yrs has been terrible. I was also with another guy after him for 2 yrs who cheated on me and dump me.

It hurt, I was going through 2 horrible break ups in a 3 yr time span.

I picked myself up off the floor and felt the pain.

Hell ya, it hurt. Man did it hurt, but ALL good things in life come with some pain.

No matter what any of us tells you, your pain will not go away. Only time has that power.

Time will go slow, you will want to contact him, but just keep one thing in mind....this too shall pass

[soulseeker86]

Yeah ur right.. I let him treat me that way. I could of gotten out of it if i wanted to but I guess my self-esteem was low.

 

My psychologist recommended me taking zoloft because each week i was coming in, and i was doing the same thing over n over. Fighting, getting back together with my ex, fighting, getting back together, and then this last break up i couldnt function all week, and i ended up calling him which i wasnt suppose to do. I know everyone goes through heartbreak.. and i am dealing with the pain. But I have been depressed for awhile.. actually most of the relationship i had really bad anxiety and depression.. so hopefully this will help.

[Clabs]

Hey soulseeker!

 

You are so well out of this darling - because he is a control freak. Just thank your lucky stars that this has happened now, rather than further down the road when you would have invested even more of your time and love.

 

That is good that you are grrrr - I love grrrr! GRRRRR! Never let people tell you who you can or cannot see - or what you can or cannot do. Never mind grrr - I'd get a pair of your pointyest boots on and kick this guy right where it hurts best.

 

You can do this honey - and guess what - you can see and do whatever you please now - take the positives out of everything in your life!

 

Mark

[summerpeach]

Yeah ur right.. I let him treat me that way. I could of gotten out of it if i wanted to but I guess my self-esteem was low.

 

My psychologist recommended me taking zoloft because each week i was coming in, and i was doing the same thing over n over. Fighting, getting back together with my ex, fighting, getting back together, and then this last break up i couldnt function all week, and i ended up calling him which i wasnt suppose to do. I know everyone goes through heartbreak.. and i am dealing with the pain. But I have been depressed for awhile.. actually most of the relationship i had really bad anxiety and depression.. so hopefully this will help.

 

I also had zero self esteem, It's an awful place to be in.

Listen, work hard on yourself and never mind men for a while. It's all about YOU now and God or the Universe (whatever you believe in) has just given you a great opportunity to be a better person.

One thing, don't ever fear telling the Therapist if you want to stop the meds. I truly hope they work for you. But keep in mind, you need to do most of the work. And you can. If I can, anyone can!

 

Stay strong

[wril02]

Hi

You sound just like me!!My boyfriend(notsure we are in the middle of breaking up)is exactly the same. 1 minute h`s all over me telling me he loves me then when we have a row he always threatens to leave me.I do the same as you and chase.Men liked to be chased but only to a certain extent.The best way to be is play there game,act as if you don`t care men hate rejection.We both derserve better.

Hope it works out