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Love and commitment freak me out...


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Don't get me wrong: I want to fall in love. I crave it, actually. But it also freaks me out. I just found out that a friend from high school who's my age (21) is engaged. My first reaction when I heard the news was, "Why?! They're way too young!" I had the same reaction when my sister's friend, who's younger than me, got engaged--and married about two months ago.


In addition, I was sorta kinda dating one of my friends about a year ago. We'd been friends for a year or so, always had a bit of a flirtation, then he started making it clear that he was interested in me. Okay. We flirted, got closer, blurred the friends/boyfriend lines. He moved away for college (he was a year ahead of me in school) and started dropping hints about the notorious "L" word. He didn't so much say he loved me, as much as he implied he could love me quite easily.


Okay. I thought about that little nugget. Realized I could fall for him quite easily, too. And I panicked. I backed off, stopped talking to him as much, etc. He, of course, was confused and hurt, but I basically fed him so bull about being "really busy" with school and work, etc. It got to the point where we were only trading occasional emails once or twice a month when we used to talk for two hours a day--and this was after he moved away. That was a little over a year ago. I feel bad about how I handled things with him, but it's definitely a problem I seem to have.


Is this normal? I was talking to my sister earlier today and we got on the subject of marriage and all that jazz. When I imagined someone proposing to me now or in the next few years, I practically started hyperventilating at the thought. My stomach knotted up and everything! How weird is that?! It's not like I am getting married--heck, I'm not even in a relationship at the moment, but the thought of forever really, really scares me.


I'm worried because what happens when I really do get into a long-term relationship? I can't keep bailing out like this forever.

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No one here can CONVINCE you whether or not you need to be in a relationship...my personal opinion is while being young, I'm 21 too...I'd rather enjoy it and stay single til I find the right girl.


But, sounding like my ex...because after being on and off so many times, when we finally dated, she bailed out on me too when we started getting really close...because I myself was getting to a point where I was feeling like I could let my guard down and say the infamous "L" word. But...in the end she just did what she always does, bails out cause she's afraid.


What I finally came to realize is...it doesn't matter what I say, I can't change her, it's for her to get over it and get on with, for her to stop being afraid and take a chance. You are where you are in life because of the choices you make, not because of the ones you don't make....if you're always afraid, you'll never know. As painful as love can be, the good of it is even better...it's part of life, you're going to get hurt, you're not going to get away pain free from everything. That's like walking around on the streets with padding all over your body so you don't ever get scratched and bleed, sooner or later you're going to have to take that padding off, and sooner or later you're gonna get scraped from a fall. The point is to learn from the mistakes in relationships(and life), and not let them happen again. This is your life, only you can change yourself.

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The ironic part--or not so ironic part--is that I KNOW all of this. I know I can't walk around with a shield up around myself and my heart. That's just stupid and illogical. But apparently, I'm pretty illogical.


Also, I know that I don't HAVE to be in a relationship. I'm not trying to force anything, I'm just worried that when and if I get into a serious relationship, I'm going to freak out yet again. In fact, I probably am going to freak out again because, apparently, I'm a big, fat coward. *sigh*



Yeah...I think we all freak out a little sometimes when we get into new relationships...I -know- I did. Once I made it an official relationship with one of my ex's...I FLIPPED out, I wanted to call her and break up the NEXT day cause I started seeing what I was losing...my freedom of being single! I managed to piss off a few other girls in the meantime too who also were mad I got into a relationship with her.


In the end, I talked to a good friend though, and she calmed me down to stay with her...I was happy for the short-lived time the relationship lasted, I don't regret it, it was an experience I needed to go through to learn. I took something from it all, I won't be afraid of it anymore.


I see relationship sometimes...like backflips, I know sounds weird lol. But like most tricks/flips, the best way you're gonna learn something is to GO with it, because if you go halfway into a backflip, start throwing yourself up and over, and then freak out in mid-air and bail, you're only gonna get hurt. You've really gotta go all the way through and see yourself landing it, or you're only gonna freak yourself out, and you're not even gonna attempt the flip because you'll be so afraid. Sorry to kinda get off topic from the original poster there

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