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Why do I keep her freakin' emails?


Caldus

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Why can't I just trash them forever? I already deleted her phone number. Well not really, because it's still in one of her emails sent to me last year. Why do we try to hang on to things that we know are over? I dug way deep into my emails knowing it's her birthday soon (I was looking up exactly what day in September), but some feelings came back as I read through a few. I had to stop myself. Surely I can't be in love with someone I was only with (and by 'with' I mean an open relationship basically) for 3 months total. It must've been lust right? Why am I still reading through this crap and still getting feelings? I can't love her. There's no way. Plus I live like a thousand miles away from her now. Which is good I guess because most days now I rarely think about her except when I dug through the emails. But when I read those emails tonight, oh my God I felt a strong wave of emotions hitting me instantly. It's been over a year now since all of this began. I know it's over. It won't ever work out. She insisted and I respected her decision. I am not having any thoughts of trying to get back with her or anything. Just feeling these strong emotions when I read anything she wrote to me back in the day (and it was a lot). I can't send her a birthday message. Then she would respond and then my whole world would probably shake when I read each word she writes. I would rather conceal it all and just let myself continue to move on. Then a part of me wants to since she wrote a simple happy b-day message to me back in March (which I hated the simpleness of but oh well). I want to do the same thing she did: H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y!!!

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I've been there. It sucks, I know. You know things are over; you know you'll never go back to the way things were--ever--but it's kinda nice to remember how sweet things used to be. The feelings were (and are) pleasant and it's nice to recall those things.

 

At least that's how it was for me. His phone number was the first thing I deleted. Then came his emails (after about three months)--all except one. There's nothing particularly special about the one I saved, but it was just a testament to how we used to be together. I used to read it every now and then because it felt nice. Slowly, I stopped reading it. Then, one day, about a year down the road, I finally deleted that, too.

 

My guess is that maybe you're not as over her as you think you are? Maybe? There's nothing wrong with that; it sounds like you're getting to that point, but imo, you're not completely there yet. Once you are, you won't want to read those emails anymore and you'll just delete them, too.

 

Believe me, it gets easier with time. Sometimes, a lot of time. But it does get less crappy and you'll move on.

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I know what its like. I had a girl come into the open and tell me she had fallen for me even though she knew I had/still have a girlfriend. And for some reason all the text messages she sent me I kept them for a while and started to delete them one by one, emails I never got any only msn conversations that we had which I didn't save. The only thing that I have left which I haven't deleted and is the facebook wall convo's which will take a while to find and the pm's that she sent me. For some reason I can't delete them when I read them I get a smile, not that I don't get any from my girl which I do.

The girl is not really in my life any more, we still not but not as much as we used to . She's moved on and has a boyfriend which deep down I don't approve of him I think she can do better. But I guess what it is in both our situations is time that it all happened and that it was a good memory and that is why we haven't been able to delete the messages.

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Nuke the lot!! dont umm and aaah over it just do it. I deleted everything to do with my last boyfriend, his phone no, his email address,every last message. I wiped out every cyber trace of him lol

 

You'll feel better in the long run honestly. Out of sight, out of mind...or something like that...

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