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Am I not good enough???


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Sorry for the NOVEL... I included lots of details so I can get accurate advice, if you don’t care for the details and just want to know the main point skip to the end where the BOLD is I need input though someone please HELP!!!!


Ok lets see... I'm 23 years old and have been in a serious relationship with my Boyfriend for 5 wonderful years still going strong. (I hope) Anyways he's 24, we met at work, which we both quit 6months later, I fell head over heels for him. I was his first, he was my second, and sex since the begginning was an adventure he was nervous at first so nervous he couldn't get the condom on or hold an erection, I comforted him, and made it known it wasn't a big deal, I've read up on this before and addressing that kind of stuff might only make it worse and more embarrassing for him, so I tried to make it alright tried helping, and eventually that was over come. We continued to have great sex! (which to me doesnt' necceassily mean long lasting or hot and sweaty, just satisfying, which he has always done. I used to hate giving ORAL, and I never asked him to go down on me, for that very reason one day he wanted too so bad I let him and occasionally I would give him oral, but not too often. In the beginning I had a great deal of issues with him and good looking women, or porn, nudity, whatever it was that wasn't me that he appeared to like was a GREAT CHALLENGE TO ME so much that I forced him to stop it. Of course forcing him only caused him to LIE to me, which sucked cause I later found out anyways which caused more problems for him and heart ache for me. Because back then PORN was like Cheating to me, I felt not good enough, i felt ugly, I felt unloved, I felt like that was better then me since he had me here IN REAL LIFE but he still insisted on viewing porn behind my back. I'm not ugly but there is no way in hell i look like half those Porn Stars, or movie stars he's so in love with. This sort of stuff was detrimental to my emotions...I tried so hard to overcome this cause I would only suffer more everytime I caught him in a lie. Anyways I got a great job, and My BF continued to be unemployed and living off his wonderful parents and great credit (he's about 40K in revolving debt today) and suddenly i began to push issues such as marriage, him getting a real job, saving so we can move forward, me asking him if he REALLY LOVED ME and wanted to really MARRY me???!!! His answer was always yes, I even left him once or twice cause I wanted to see how he would react maybe he wanted out but didnt want to break my heart. needless to say he came back everytime promising to change adn get a job, and assuring me that I was the only girl he could ever see himself with. He's not a cheater; I know cheaters I have to brothers, and I have at least 14 cousins which not one is faithful they have no regard for marriage vows, or children involved its sad and i'm not proud to admit it but I do know these men and my boyfriend is nothing like any of these men. SO cheating has never been an issue with him. Anyways about 2 1/2 years ago his erection died, I was shattereed this hadn't happened since I took his virginity I naturally felt Sad and cried, i thought we were past the whole "NEW" stage and was certain it was me... I cried he held me tight and said it wasn't me swore he loved me and that I was perfect,we did research and he claimed it was stress, bills, no job, debt, etc...(mind you thru out this whole time I encourage him to get a job, he says "ITS A WASTE OF TIME" I tell him he has to start somewhere. ) it didnt happen again till sometime this past year, again he blamed it on his debt, bills, and lack of income, and again rather then nag I tell him to do something about it, get a job instead of living off credit, his parents and now even me. My advice was nothing in his eyes, he feels we'll never live the "AMERICAN DREAM of being rich or living comfortably if he gets a normal 9-5job JUMP OVER BRIDGE" I tell him thats cause I work my ass off, we all have to start somewhere, he dissagrees he's into get rich quick schemes, real estate flipping, findng good real estate auction deals, and STOCKS all stupid ideas in this day if you ask me but whatever i backed him on alot of this dumb i even pitched in money to stocks as a result i lost out on like $5500.00 not alot but to me more then i would have liked! This year I gave him an ultimatum I said look i love you and i've stood by your side, for a long time but I need support I need you to have my back I need to be able to depend on you too, and as for us getting married well its been 5 years and you still haven't saved a penny for our future, we're no where near where WE Want us to be, ive managed to pay off debt and save little money while you have managed to increase your debt, still are unemployed, and still marriage is not in our plans due to lack of funds, if you really loved me you'd care that im wrokign my a$$ off 8-5 while raising my daughter (on my own) and the little that i have saved i spend on you, my daughter, your ideas, and bills!!! He still fails to see my point. He eventually got a job in mid June of this year (2007), and since then things have been a little better. On top of that I made a new years resolution to attempt porn with him ( which I now enjoy, and have no problem with ) I Love this man so much that I've changed my whole outlook to better our relationship, I've stopped being such a drama queen, and stopped so much, i rarely nag him, i give him space, i've done everything, but




for the last month i've been living with him due to my job relocating me 15 min. from his work and things have been great we get along, we laugh, we play, we joke, we cook together, we shop together, shoot i even try to give him space and i go out with out him to the gym, store, market, whatever, I let him coop himself up in his office studying or viewing stocks and i don't bother him at all, i let him choose the movies on friday night which btw "WAR" with Jet li was quite good. But this past month I've been rejected at least 14 times. =( thats more then I like to admit. I dont' start Drama over it cause things are going so well everywhere else, and becuase he tells me he's just tired, but C"MON how tired can you be, I prance around in cute thongs, or in my bathing suit, adn nothing works i sleep practically naked, nothing helps. he's tired. is all he can say, I WORK monday-friday 9-5pm I get hom eat and leave to my night job which I work at Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and sometimes Friday, weekends i have completely free. and he only works Monday thru friday 8-5pm he works in computers "IT" I'm lost, i dont' get it... am I missing something, what is up, have i become old news??? seriously I've tried talking to him about this seriously he just says "I'm tired" somebody please help.


Sorry for the NOVEL...

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It would be good if you went over your whole relationship again and paid very close attention to see if there really is no other problem besides sex.


From what you said it sounds a lot like your boyfriend is still a kid, completely immature, and for some reason you became a bit like a mom, looking after him, being there to make him feel better, telling him off and putting pressure so he does certain things even if they are for his own good, but he doesn't seem to be putting as much into the relationship, you're trying to make everything comfortable for him as if he needed space or peace more than you, just having him around shouldn't be enough.


If currently the only thing wrong is lack of sex you obviously shouldn't pressure him but intimacy is important, if he refuses to give you any kind of affection it might be time to re-consider what kind of relationship you're getting and what exactly you want.


It seems difficult he's going to act like an adult any time soon, if your plans for the future are not similar you're only going to get very frustrated and find yourself giving up more of yourself for nothing from him.


Have a long talk, discuss everything, don't avoid certain subjects for fear of making him angry or stressed, he's and adult and can (or should) deal with problems, if he's not convincing it might be better to end the relationship.


Good Luck.

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