Still in a lot of pain.

[evr]

my wife broke up with me over 2 months ago. i am still in denial and i don't know what's going on.

she moved out over a month ago, but invites me over to her parent's house where she is staying. i'm lucky at this time she is very nice to me, but she might be getting tired of me. even though i try my best to act positive, she told me that i have a 'black cloud' following me and it's hard for her to deal with.

she told me she outgrew the relationship. she said she loves me, but not in 'that way'.

what can i do to ease the pain a little? it's very crippling and taking over my life and ruining my career. I can't go out to any store without crying and I feel completely helpless.

i've been jogging, playing tennis and nothing has helped. i'm still feeling very out of control and immensely sad. i've been seeing a therapist for over 2 months.

[stressedstill]

One thing that helps me cope is to have a network of friends. Supportive friends have helped me a lot; and I am there for them too when they have problems. Being isolated is the worst for me.

[evr]

Unfortunately I don't have any friends close enough to trust and lean on. Noone else knows about this. I am very alone!

[DN]

Well, she seems remarkably unfeeling to complain because you have a 'black cloud'. Perhaps she would prefer it if you were pleased she was gone.

 

I think you should stop going to her parents place. Perhaps not full no contact but low contact at best.

[rosie76]

I've not been married and haven't shared a house with someone for nearly a decade, so can't really relate to what you're going through. But I can relate to the utter feeling of loss and inability to accept what's happened as I took about two years dragging out contact after a relationship ended and two years after that getting over what had happened. Come back here and talk about what has happened to you - there are plenty of people going through divorces who will be able to give you some support. And I agree with DN that seeing her again and again at her parents place will only put off the inevitable acceptance of what has happened. You need some time to process this on your own and not think about what she is thinking of you. Talk here so that you're not completely isolated and try to find some people to befriend where you live. Did you have close friends before you got together with her?

 

Good luck, and I'm sorry you're in so much pain now.

[Llon]

Evr-

 

I am so sorry for your pain. If she broke up with you, it is necessary to go no contact. I know that this is difficult, but trust me, a veteran of 16 years of break ups with the same woman, that you must. I know you love her, but she broke up with you for a reason. Go no contact for at least 3 months. If she loves you, she'll find you. You just have to endure the pain, and I know it's tough.

 

Hang in there and may God bless you.

[evr]

i appreciate the responses. i broke down bad last night after work and wasn't able to do anything.

i have this huge urge to quit my very stable and cush job and move out of this city that depresses me. i have no good plans, though, besides taking 1 or 2 classes at a community college there and i could very well be putting myself in a huge financial and career crisis if i move.

do you think it's me wanting to just get rid of the memories and run away from the day to day agony, or should i actually move? the place i want to move to is a city i love and feel would be happy there, but who knows...

[Clabs]

Hey evr

 

I am sorry that you are stuck right now in this place of hurt.

 

Listen to the advice here - stop contacting her - for as long as you keep going back there, you will keep this fresh and painful by keep pulling the scab off.

 

I wouldn't be in any hurry making any decisions right now whilst your head is in such a muddle - particulaly about moving city/changing jobs. Work on getting yourself back on your feet first. It is hard that you don't have anyone close to hand for support, but you do have us lot and the good thing about us is we won't ever tell you we are sick of your bleating about your ex!

 

Moving away may well be a good thing - a fresh start - a new place to live - just give it a bit of time - but you really need to leave her alone for your sake.

 

Take care of yourself.

 

Mark

[evr]

why then do i have this huge urge to move and start a new life there now? there is a deadline, classes start there mid september.

and all day at work i keep thinking--i'm over this job. i'm very bored and it's going nowhere (besides being very cush)

i actually signed up for 2 classes here and last night was the first class and it went well. but i realize i don't want to be in this city! i never wanted to. both of us hated this city. i want to move 2 hours away to the area i want to be in. thing is, my ex lives in that area and i don't know how much i can honestly gauge this is for me or for hope in getting back with her.

is it my emotions or should i listen to my big urge to get out while i have a chance?

[evr]

let me clarify a part of my plan:

i don't see a future for myself in this city. i feel i need to get out, but i'm scared to lose this great job with great co-workers.

my ex is going to be alone in her parents house for over a month starting mid september.

school starts there in mid september.

i feel i make the move it would benefit me and help me grow, simultaneously i will be there for my ex when she is alone and hope to rekindle our relationship.

how does this sound?