Thoughts for your ex today

[itsallgrand]

What are they?

 

Go ahead and write them out if you want. I'd like to.

 

Dear X,

 

Thanks for moving away. I know you didn't move away for me. I know you did it for yourself.

Still, it helps me to know that you are gone. Physically gone.

 

There's a lot I never got to say to you because I was so mad.

It makes me laugh now to think that you knew me well enough to know how I would react. You chose your actions accordingly. You wished me well as your final call to me. Even though it was sure to inspire wrath. That helps now, somehow.

Even though you said you were afraid of me! -which I never totally bought, by the by, as you could clobber me with one punch if you wanted to - but now I see you didn't mean afraid physically.

You meant emotionally. And yeah, I could have clobbered you, and I didn't, which was a victory for me and for you.

 

That makes me happy.

Even though it makes me feel rather sad that my default response to troubles was anger.

 

Anger to the exclusion of love. Because, having you gone now, I have had to learn understanding and acceptance that the two can live in the same person.

 

You have known me black and white. I'm growing in colours now. Like that Bob Marley tune I drove you insane with! I'm a rainbow too, I'm a rainbow too, and it has GOT to be the club mix.

 

I know there were a lot of times I was not a lot of fun to be with.

There were a lot of times I beat you down. Refused to support you.

That was very childish of me.

I wanted you, and that was that.

I took, and that seemed to feed into your worst, and my worst. I knew it wasn't right.

 

This is surely the end. You are with her. I am happy. There is no meeting of the two without destroying something precious.

 

It still disturbs me. That you chose a child, practically. It disturbs me and haunts me and I intend on setting that straight in myself.

How could I feel love for a man who could do these things that go beyond what I can comprehend?

 

It haunts me that you must know that it is to me, vile.

 

And it haunts me that I know that you too understand that it is not right. You do understand, and you hide her. I do not find you treat her well. And I like her.

 

So more accessories for you. And she is compliant. Compliant in all the ways I never was.

 

You just aren't ready to face it. I could teach you a lot about you, and you could teach me a lot about me, but it isn't going to happen. There is too much poison.

 

Still I can hardly believe or accept that I loved you, and do love you. That's always been part of the problem. That caused a lot of hurt to you, and I see that now. My fears blinded me, I was half unconscious.

 

Was I ashamed? Yes.

 

Do I regret it? No.

 

Of course this not something meant to be sent. It is more for me. To me.

[FeignedMischief]

"If you said I was the only true love of your years, then why did you still let me go?"

[Dako]

You did the right thing. I got over it and have a newer, more frugal and portable life. We both came out intact, and you're a fine person to get divorced from.

 

Hope you had a good trip. I'll stop by with that antivirus software this week. Give your pooch a hug for me.

[Nixee]

Dear train wreck,

 

I am horribly disappointed in you.

But I do wish you well.

 

I am confident that you will feel true remorse one day, and finally express it to me. We will not get back together at that time, but we will finally be able to talk like friends. You will admit that you learned a lot from me. You will admit that you handled things poorly. You will admit that my significant other is the luckiest man on the planet.

 

How do I know this will happen?

Because you handled things poorly, yet I was always honest with you. Because I am truly someone worthy of respect and admiration, and I know you still have these feelings for me. Because I spent so long with you and had a profound impact on your life.

 

But also... because I know appearances are more important to you than they should be, and people (your friends included) keep telling me how much cuter I am than your new girlfriend.

Seriously, when you ditch someone for someone else, shouldn't it be for an upgrade?

 

Have fun playing baby-daddy and being whipped like people keep telling me you are. I look forward to speaking with the real you again someday. I miss that guy, I thought he had potential, and we had some great conversation.

 

Sincerely,

 

the former, so called, love-of-your-life

[JoeWho]

I am tired of thinking about you, so I think I'll stop thinking about you for good. lol

 

If it were only that easy

[numbhead]

how did you get to know me so well... you knew me too well. like you could see into my soul. you knew it couldnt and wouldnt work out in the long run so you let me go.

 

i feel like you know what my future will be but you also know exactly where your going

 

my mother is breaking up with her husband,,, it brings everything back...all the feelings,, i just want you back , to feel like i once did,, but you are gone forever, but you arent you're still alive living and moved on..

 

things you predicted in the past have come true, it makes me laugh that you were right

[surfjon]

Once I thought you were my soulmate, that forever we'd be together and in love.

 

When you left me it shattered my world. For 6 weeks I staggered through the days and sleepless nights and you didn't care. 19 years you wrote off like discarding trash. You forgot the trash was a human being, one that dearly loved you. I'll not forget that you took my children from my daily life.

 

I want you to know everyday I get stronger. Everyday I am away form you puts me one day closer to finding someone worthy of my love, someone to sing my songs to, someone who will be crazy about me the way I was of you.

 

I have much love to give and will be ok, I am not broken. Bruises heal and scars fade but remain silent reminders of how you ended our time together in silent dismissal of me. I am so glad I didn't beg you, didn't tell you how much I miss you, didn't let you see me cry those times sitting on the floor a husk of a man tears on terazzo floors, gasping for breath.

 

Goodbye

[papalazarou]

Just eff off and leave me alone.

[bubblyblonde11]

So long farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye. Do not ever come near me ever again.

[NiceGuy76]

I hope one day you realize what REAL LOVE is...instead of being in love with falling in love.

 

Relationships take work and compromise...the "honeymoon" faze does wear off with everyone. You have to learn to grow with someone and let the relationship progress. You never gave me a chance once I realized my true feelings for you, I was willing to take you back and forgive you for sleeping with another guy while living with me - even though we were broken up at the time. You could not even wait 2 weeks before you allowed another guy to trip, fall over and slide himself into you. You have no self respect and crave attention because you are young, immature and have no concept on what REAL love is about.

 

I was a fool for ever falling for you, you were the biggest mistake of my life and I want to thank you for teaching me this valuable lesson so I can live my life looking for the RIGHT girl and not the WRONG girl. Have a good time in your new found relationship, because it will never last!

[StillTrying]

I am with JoeWho

I am tired of thinking about you, so I think I'll stop thinking about you for good.

 

but after 7 full NC days I am caring less & less of you & for you. You will miss me way more than I miss you. I have moved on many times before & time heals all wounds even yours. If I really cared so much (like I thought I did the day u ruined everything) would I have had the great night I had yesterday with 27 yr old man that was so attentive & made me laugh so much? That's all it took & I had the best time & felt really good about myself & still do now. I will be thinking even less from today on & will have a better time on vacation without you. Hope u find eve u r looking for out there because I have moved on & thanks u did me a big favor having someone treat me the way I should & will be treated from now on.

[EricAK]

Dear x,

 

I know one is supposed to be a bigger person and forgive, but screw that. I am glad I figured you put early and got you put of my life. If you never recognize you need help and get it, I hope that you get hit by a truck hauling birth control and red bull and you subsequently due under the weight of two tons of birth control pills while the red bill keeps you awake just a little longer for you to see the irony. Have a bad life.

 

With regards,

 

Eric

 

(dang thath feels good!)

[Moto]

Dear x,

 

I hope you're as happy as you're pretending, as I know if you are truly with R, you are just doing the same activities we used to do, as you never changed anything in our entire relationship.

 

It was rather drawn out, near the end, I do love you, but I was tired of walking a one way street, where I love you with all my heart, and attempted to give you everything you desired. I put you above myself, and you left me here, on the bathroom floor. I counted the tiles, over and over again, to pass the time and try to forget about you. I'm sure you pretended to be more then fine, while I was a wreck, now I sit at home alone, when you are no doubt out with all of your friends who seem to be in love with you, giving you attention that you really shouldn't be seeking at this time.

 

You gave me something to live for, and I think I gave you an outlet to pass your boredom, until you found someone you deemed better. I hope you get your heart broken as you have broke mine, and I hope it ruins every ounce of you.

 

You don't deserve to be loved the way I love you, yet I can't rid myself of it. It is a plague upon me, and I hope I can find the cure.

 

I forgive you, but I don't think I could ever fall in love with you again. You will always be seen, as less then human in my eyes, despite how genuinely great I thought you were.

 

-Jason

[Desiderata]

Dear J,

 

I've been writing things down and typing things out to you - just silent little discussion with myself that you will never read. I walk around campus with a smile on my face - some stare, some smile back, some may think I'm terribly happy even though I consistently feel empty.

 

I've had "Lead Sails Paper Anchor" for awhile and I'm sure that you know. Listening to "Lose It" and screaming along with the lyrics makes me feel powerful - both because I have the album before you do and because Alex's voice just reaches inside of me and makes me feel breathless after I'm through with the song. I drove around in my car yesterday with the song playing so loudly - singing till I was almost in tears. "This is it, I'm falling/My wings need to grow", "I'm dying to know", "My body's aching" - just all things that I feel, that they put so eloquently. I almost hope that you end up loving the song - hopefully to feel pain also and know that you cannot come to me for comfort when you used to push me away so many times.

 

Going to the Lounge last night was one of the best experiences I've had in a long time. You would have felt uncomfortable because people were drinking, you're not very good at striking up conversations with people you only vaguely know and you would have been staring at the Steelers/Eagles game the whole time. Well I had an amazing time - I built up stronger connections with people that have such strong feelings for me, that feel like I'm such a genuine and beautiful person. I was laughing while we took the picture with Christa, I was laughing while Cara called Debbie and cursed her out over voicemail, I was laughing all of the way back to campus and feeling content when I went to sleep. I could not count on both of my hands the amazing people I met yesterday - there were too many.

 

I do feel sorry for you in some ways, but I don't. It's your fault for not having friends - you push people away. It's your own fault for not having insurance and not figuring out what to do about school - they are things that you could have figured out but you have not. You felt like I was holding you back, well baby I'm moving ahead and you are not going to be able to catch me. I am riding on this wave of work, school, friends, love, happiness, and just me being me. Feeling like you are one person telling me that I bring you down, when so many others are telling me that I lift them up.

 

Who would you believe?

[whes]

Dear Backdoor man,

 

I'm tired of thinking about you. Everywhere I go I think of you. It's been too long, and you don't belong to me anymore. You belong to someone else and someone else belongs to you. I'm glad I had you, then, when we were both healing. Rebound, for sure. But there was something there that makes me think twice. I'm sorry i couldn't open up to you, it was too soon, too raw, too hard. Neither of us ever said much, but just having someone there with me, even if it was mostly silence, helped. Thanks for... you.

 

I could still beat your ass at crib, any day.

[comfyshoes]

i don't want to have thoughts about you anymore, but i do.

so here are todays.

i hope that one day you realise that not everyone you have a relationship is wrong, is toxic and manipulative. i hope that you get the help that you need someday. try to remember my as the one who made you laugh until you cried.

stop posting lies about me on myspace.

take ownership of something, anything.

 

if you can't do these things, would you have the decency to die in a fire?

please?

[Tezza]

My thoughts everyday when I do think about him is "Your a f!@#en idiot, you f$%^en cheater"

[fr0st]

Alisa,

 

I love you, I want the best for you, I want you to the lead the life you want to lead.

 

I want not to love you. I want to forget you.

 

Always,

John

[bubblyblonde11]

One is not thinking about him today or for the rest of the week - this is a challenge I have set myself

[Tshwane]

i stopped myself, reminded myself that it's a waste of my thought process.

[just M.E.]

Dear Richard, a.k.a. " * * * *" -

That knickname always fit you so well. I'm sending you my forgiveness, because deep down I know that you just don't get it and never will. That's rather sad, but I can't be there for you anymore.

The saddest part is that you are two people, and unfortunately I fell in love with the good guy. It's too bad you have pushed him aside and let the dysfunctional person run your life. I don't understand the alcoholism but I know it ruled you. I was so proud of you last year when you quit, so many people were.

If only you could have truly understand that. What real love feels like. You had this giant hole in you and it was if I tried to shovel all my love into you to make you whole again, but it was never enough. Your dissatisfaction with yourself, made you lash out in anger and hatred at me. I walked around with a bulls eye and cross hairs on my heart for you. That was no way to live, but I would have stayed with you forever. I am grateful you left and lifted this burden from me.

You will never find another love who will care for you as I have. Why do I know that? Because you found me by accident, I am not the typical, self serving type you fill your life with, your party and drinking buddies. It is much easier when you lead a shallow life, you never really have to look at yourself, do you?

I wish you a good life, but sadly, I know it won't happen. When I look at your mother and father, I know you can't rise above what you know, what is comfortable. And your friend Jack (Daniels) will keep you for having the life you really wanted.

I know you will hate this but it is what keeps me from falling into bitterness, as Jesus said on the cross "Forgive them Lord, for they know not what they do"

[benga]

grandy - I have been following your life... This is a great post... Very therapeutic...

 

Dear RXXX

I feel bad for you. I feel bad for who you have become and what you have become. The world of extravagance, pride, ego, partying, no-work, no-responsibility, no-income....is no life at all. I wanted to help you through your depression, I wanted to support you through the grief of your fathers passing, but all you did was push me away. Avoidance is no solution.

 

You have pushed me away too far.

 

You will have a reality check of life soon. Unfortunately I will not be there for you. I have my life to live and I am sure you will find strength in the support system you have created for yourself over the past 9 months.

 

I would not like my daughter to grow up with your values. But there is nothing I can do about that, because she spend most of her time with you.

 

I wish you the best in life. I will not entirely feel happy for you, but for the sake of our daughter I will speak to you when you want.

 

You know where and how to reach me, but remember, I am your husband no longer..

 

ME

[bubblyblonde11]

i stopped myself, reminded myself that it's a waste of my thought process.

 

I am with you on that one, although depends what stage your in I think, for some it is theraputic. But yes for me now just a waste of energy I can use on something better and worthwhile, like me!

[tushboy]

All I can say to him is that - I still love you. I gave you everything , until I became empty. You saved me from dying one night, I thanked you then, now how I wish you never held my hand. How I wish you never said those 3 words, how I wish you never held me tight in your arms until I felt your breath on my neck that night...... I wish you love. I wish you joy. I wish the best for you, cause my love for you won't ever die. Yes I will move on, Yes I will find another love, Yes I will survive, but I will always have the tattoo of your name on my heart.

[itsallgrand]

Dear X,

 

Been thinking of ya a lot this last week. I have a lot on the horizon, a lot of big decisions to make.

 

Facing it without you, it's had me missing you. The good times. The good stuff.

Gee, I forgot about that! lol.

 

I love ya. I'll always love ya'. And I'm starting to let you go. Letting it all go.

 

I decided it isn't healthy for me to be thinking of you much anymore. So I won't be from now on.

Gonna keep the good stuff that helped make me who I am today, and leave behind the bad stuff that serves no purpose.

 

Take care of your health, for god's sakes. You're going to need it now that you are starting a family.

 

Bye!

 

love,

the one and only me