Does this make me a jerk?

[coolio2cool]

is it normal that i love my grilfriend dearly but everytime we go out into a public setting I can't keep my eyes off other women. If we go to a mall i look at every attractive womans body. I feel like a dirtbag while doing it but i can't help it. And she hasn't noticed yet but I was wondering if this is just normal human tendencies or am I a jerk because my eyes wander so much? I care for her deeply, i hope i am not painting a bad picture here, I just surprise myself sometimes with my straying eyes sometimes.

[ButterflyWrists]

As far as i know its normal for guys to look at other girls..

[Tethys]

No, it doesn't make you a jerk, unless you are blatantly checking out other women while you are with her. I'd consider that disrespectful, so I think you should at least keep it to a manageable level when you're in her presense.

 

(Unless she's okay with this behavior -- most women are not.)

[beauty21]

Yes. It's very disrespectful, but I wouldn't call you a jerk. My ex used to do that all the time. He even went as far as making comments about other women when I was in his presense. My current bf doesn't even look at women, period. I know, because I am so used to my ex doing it that when we are together, I look at him to see if he's looking but he doesn't. That makes me feel good, that he wouldn't do that type of thing in front of me.

[coolio2cool]

well thats why im torn, im not a monk, if a girl with a nice figure is wearing booty shorts in front of me and bends over am i supposed to look away because i have a girlfriend im in love with? I can't help it My girlfriend hasn't noticed yet and maybe your boyfriend is good at it too to the point where you think hes not doing it but maybe he is too? who knows...

[Tethys]

Beauty, I am like you -- I was once with a man who drooled over other women all the time and would even make comments about their bodies or body parts. It was incredibly hurtful, but I was young and stupid at the time. (I don't know how else to explain why I put up with it!)

 

That made me very "on guard" for such behavior in the future. My current boyfriend does not look at other women. If he does, he's very careful about it. I don't pretend that he never does it -- I am sure he does -- but he has enough respect for me to not do it when we're together.

[Ash]

well thats why im torn, im not a monk, if a girl with a nice figure is wearing booty shorts in front of me and bends over am i supposed to look away because i have a girlfriend im in love with?

 

Is there a particular reason you can't look away? Simple answer from my perspective is: Yep, sometimes you're just supposed to look the other way. If you've already noticed her figure and her clothing you don't really need to be continuing to stare at her, do you?

 

Totally normal to look, but keep it reasonable. Sounds like you take a little too much of a look sometimes. Go girl watching when you're not with your gf, doing it when she's there could possibly be considered disrespectful.

[Tethys]

well thats why im torn, im not a monk, if a girl with a nice figure is wearing booty shorts in front of me and bends over am i supposed to look away because i have a girlfriend im in love with?

 

If she's standing right next to you, yes, look away. If she's not, look all you want -- that's all we're sayin'.

[android12]

does ur gf look at other males? that uve noticed? i think its not an issue to look but if ur starting to think about how they might look naked, or in bed, in the shower etc those kinda thoughts make u a lil disloyal to to her....is it just lookin or does the thinking/fantasizing come with it?

[chai714]

is it normal that i love my grilfriend dearly but everytime we go out into a public setting I can't keep my eyes off other women. If we go to a mall i look at every attractive womans body. I feel like a dirtbag while doing it but i can't help it. And she hasn't noticed yet but I was wondering if this is just normal human tendencies or am I a jerk because my eyes wander so much? I care for her deeply, i hope i am not painting a bad picture here, I just surprise myself sometimes with my straying eyes sometimes.

 

Out of respect for your woman, sneak a peek but don't make it obvious. Gawking is going to make her feel bad (about herself and/or you) so don't be obvious. So, it's fine to look but don't stare or gawk. Subtle.

[beauty21]

9 times out of 10, your gf notices you are looking. She just isn't saying anything. Trust me, a woman is very nosey and critical of other women if they are not shaped or dressed in the same category and she will be watching to see if you are watching. That, you just haven't noticed yet.

[CharLit]

Depends on what way you're looking at them.

 

Pretty much anyone, male or female, will take a glance at an attractive person of the opposite sex (if they're straight that is, same sex if not). Personally I don't think there's anything wrong with that. However, actually looking a woman up and down or looking at her for a long period of time, I would consider disrespectful.

[barbielovesmac]

It's human nature to look. So, no that doesn't make you a jerk - well unless you get caught. Then you may have some explaining to do.

 

Maybe you could tone it down a bit while your with your gf?

[coolio2cool]

yeah ill take it down a notch. I definetely won't 'gauk' like I've been doing...but ill still peek, i cant help it. Thanks for all the advice

[handsdown]

I'm not a man, but I am one who believes men and women aren't as different as people think.

 

I love my boyfriend very much and rarely, if ever, do I feel so "attracted" to the opposite sex in public that I have to "pull" my gaze away from them. I admire a nice looking guy but that's it really, I don't get aroused by it or feel the need to take more then a passing glance even if he is bending over or flexing his biceps. It also rarely happens when I'm with my boyfriend because I'm busy spending time with him and talking with him etc etc, why would I be looking around for more sexual stimulation?

 

I don't think you are a jerk, but I do think your girlfriend notices and if she is like most girls, it probably hurts her feelings too. Girls are taught to put a lot of what they are worth into their looks, so if you love her you have to be REALLY careful about looking at other women so that she never feels like she is coming in second place. I have never once caught my boyfriend looking at other women, when we are together he makes me feel like I'm the only one he sees and that makes me feel really special and happy. You should do the same for her.

 

edited to add: Had you been single for awhile before you met your girlfriend? Sometimes guys get into "single man" habits that they find hard to break, it may take some effort but once you get used to it, other women might not be so distracting.

[coolio2cool]

oh yeah im 22, single all my life up to her. I don't miss the single life though becuase i was ready for some stability in my life However its unfair to do comparisons because men dont wear outfits to accent their attributes, women are the ones who wear the low cut shorts and size small tshirts with their boobs hanging out. Its alot harder for us than for women.

[toribee2]

Cry me a river, dude. You can't help it?? It's harder for men than women?? Puhleeease... I would be willing to wager that the majority of men WANT to look at passerby titties, but guess what?!? When they are with their girlfriends, they don't.

 

Here's the thing... You are human and yes, that will happen sometimes, but doing it while you are with your girlfriend? That's just tacky and rude. Make a conscious decision to not do that anymore. Self Control, Man. Self Control. You may think she doesn't notice, but she more than likely does. I would soooo notice that and I would say something about it too.

 

I may sound harsh, but it's only because I am imagining how I would feel if my boyfriend did this in front of me. hehe. Got a little ticked. It is good that you have recognized it as a problem.

 

I wish you luck. Do try to stop that because that is potentially very hurtful to whatever woman you are with.

[Tethys]

Toribee,

 

Preach it, sister!

 

I suppose I am not like a man, in that I am not inexorably drawn to stare at men's butt cheeks as they bend over in tight shorts... (usually it's pretty hairy, ew..)

 

Nevertheless, every now and again, I see a man I am drawn to -- I can never put my finger quite on why -- and not just the good-looking ones, but the ones who are good-looking with an aura about them. And, oh yes, I do stare. I look. I admire.

 

But I would never even DREAM of doing that in front of my boyfriend. Yes, every now and again one of those guys with the right look and the right aura passes by me while I'm with my boyfriend, and what do I do? I AVERT MY EYES! It's that simple folks -- it's called self-control.

 

I'm sorry, I don't believe any man or woman who says they have a problem "controlling" this around their SO. I just don't. If they do, they have other problems, and maybe those problems can be fixed, or maybe that person shouldn't be in a relationship.

 

I'm not picking on you, coolio, in particular. I'm just saying, for all the men out there who claim they just can't "control themselves" ugh....

[toribee2]

oh. Don't get me wrong. I like to look. I loooove to look. But I would NEVER do it in front of my bf. He would scream. Just like I would if I caught him doing it. I would like to keep my bf, thereforeeee when hot guys are around, you would think I were a nun. In the interest of keeping my relationship, I put the blinders on.

[Tethys]

Toribee,

 

Yes, I was agreeing with you! LOL, I like the nun analogy -- exactly the way I act with hot guys floating around me when I'm with my boyfriend.

[toribee2]

Yes. I thought you were agreeing ... hehe. Wish my tone of voice could come thru in my typing. hehe.

 

yep. As far as my boyfriend is concerned, other men cease to exist when I am with him. I simply ignore them. It is best for all involved. hehe.