Mornings are the hardest

[Delia22]

Does anyone feel this way too? By the end of every day, I feel so much stronger because I've talked it out so much... but when I wake up the next morning, the sadness takes over me again and it's hard to push myself out of bed and get to work. Usually, I need an hour-long phone call with my mom to make me feel semi-better.

 

In other words: It's 10 o'clock in the morning and I feel like complete crap. I miss him... I'm on Day 6 on NC... spent my first weekend without him in a year... and I can't stop wondering how he spent his weekend and if he's already moved on.

 

So yeah, mornings suck.

[Murasaki]

Every day for about three weeks when I woke up it was what I was already thinking about. The pain, the loss, the abandonment, the envy, the anger. I felt hurt that she had left, empty that she was gone, abandoned when she went off with other friends, including some of mine, envious that she had so much more ahead of her in the near future, and angry that she hurt me so much and left the relationship scot-free while I picked up the pieces.

 

But make counterthoughts to your own thoughts. Do you feel abandoned? Remember that you have friends. Do you feel empty? Remember everything that you loved in life before your ex. Do you feel angry? Remember that it's like clenching a fist on nothing over a long period of time--it only hurts you. Do you hope to contact them or see what they're doing? That will probably only make you feel worse. Its amazing how accurate some descriptions of ex's behavior are.

 

Basically, have ready-made things to dwell on that remind you why you should try to bear your sadness and stay strong. Mornings were the absolute worst for me, but after a while, it stopped being what I thought about when I woke up. I was ready to take on the day and you know what? I told myself it would be a good one. Look in the mirror and tell yourself everything good about yourself. You have faults by God so does everyone! With time you can melt it off. Don't get buried in the dirt shoveled on you. Shake it off and use it to take a step up.

[bubblyblonde11]

I think IMO it is because you are yet to face the world, you haven't spoken to anyone, no ones distracted you or made you laugh or made you think first thing in the morning.

 

Once you have to put your brave face on and get out and face going to work/play etc then you feel a bit better and if you mingle with people then the lonliness you might have been feeling in the morning while alone passes??

[anna_k]

Mornings were hard for me initially because every day was another day alone.

But....now they're not so bad because I'm always busy and rushing around during daytime.

 

Nightimes are so hard. So much time to think!

[Delia22]

After work, I try to surround myself with tons of people like friends or family so that I don't have time to think by myself. I don't go home until I'm dead tired and know I will pass out the second I hit the pillow.

 

But in the morning, I wake up alone... and it's too early to call anyone... and I'm just left alone with my thoughts and I drive myself crazy.

 

We're our own worst enemies, aren't we??

[MarkD]

It has been over 3 weeks and I know exactly what you are talking about. My nights and mornings are the worst. It does get a little bit easier to deal with as the days go though.

 

I know for me, my dreams feel SOOOOO real that when I wakeup, I wish it was all a bad dream and that we are still together, but then I relive the breakup all over again.

[Dako]

Morning challenges you with new day to struggle through.

In time it will become your future instead of grief over the past.

[CharLit]

Yes, I remember that from my last break up... there is a moment before you fully wake and you haven't remembered what's going on... and then it hits you like a punch in the guts.

 

Hugs sweetie, time DOES truly help you heal eventually...

[FeignedMischief]

I used to dread waking up in the morning, you described it pretty well CharLit, that punch in the guts realisation that it's another day and he/she is not there anymore.

 

I must say I have better mornings now (it's only been 6 weeks) but sometimes it hits you without warning and I feel like crawling back to sleep, unable to face the world.

 

Will it ever come to an end? *sigh*

[NiceGuy76]

It lasted a good 3-4 months for me...I was always a cuddler in the morning holding her for the last 10-15 minutes I would lay in bed in the mornings...

 

It was tough waking up, rolling over, and had nothing there. That was awful!!! 8 months later I can handle it and I try to look at the positive things - more room in bed for me, no hair in my face (i kinda miss that though), do not have to hear her alarm going off for 15 minutes before she finally got up! lol

[tushboy]

Yes they are, try doing this tho -

 

As soon as u wake up, close ur eyes and thank GOD for showing you this day, show some gratitude, and open your eyes

 

As you touch the ground with your feet and take steps, again say a prayer and thank the LORD for blessing you wit this day

 

Then take some time to miss your ex, a few minutes, splash ur face with water and begin your day.

 

 

Thats how I begine mine

[Llon]

No doubt that mornings are for some reason tough. I experience the same thing in the morning. It makes you wonder if it is going to be one of those days again. When I get my coffee and get going, it feels better. Hang in there. Only time can lift your hurt.

[beauty21]

It took me about 9 months to shake that feeling. So I know how you feel. When I look at how sad I was feeling back then, it's amazing how far I've made it thru. You will have your hard days and your easy days, but each day get's alittle better. Just hold on... Time will fly by even when you think it's not.

[Coyote9]

I'm 4 months out and while I can sleep better, I still wake up in that state of depression and sometimes despair that so many have described here. I'm much better than a couple of months ago however, when I couldn't sleep more than a few hours without waking and basically experiencing that pain and the thoughts run amuck for hours and I layed there with that familiar anvil laying on my chest and the wind blowing through the hole in my heart.

 

I find that once I'm showered and up, I'm better, but weekends are the worst as I just pull the covers over my head and keep sleeping, or at least trying to. We don't think of it this way, but it's all our bodies way of trying to heal, as we need more rest and time to just be, rather than obsessively doing to try to escape our pain. It does get better but very slowly I think for most of us. As so many things still trigger us to thoughts of our ex, the circumstance around our day and what we have to do also influence our mood I think. I work with my ex indirectly and on days when I think I might run into her I don't sleep and I'm on edge, awake at 4 am often. Even those feelings are becoming a bit more manageable however. It's all about time. I don't any sleep or thinking anything about other ex's, 3, 6, 10 years removed from those situations. These recent ex's of ours will fade into oblivion eventually as well.

Coyote

[Delia22]

I don't any sleep or thinking anything about other ex's, 3, 6, 10 years removed from those situations. These recent ex's of ours will fade into oblivion eventually as well.

 

That's what scares me most of all, I think -- forgetting him. Or getting to the point where we mean nothing anymore. How can something that was once so important just fade away? How can we let it just fade away into nothing?

 

And if we're forgetting them, then you know they're forgetting us too... that hurts me most of all.

 

As you can see, I'm having a hell of a time trying to let go

[onayrb]

This is a good thread.

 

Although experiencing a far less intense emotional situation at present I've felt some of this recently. I do however strongly remember back to my last serious breakup where I think it took about 6 months to get rid of the morning problem.

 

In the first 2 months I went through the nasty moment on waking each time where briefly (for about 1 minute) I forgot the grief and felt normal and then after that blissful minute until fully awake - the punch in the stomach and the dread of facing another day of turmoil. The rest of the six months was a kind of weary resignation that I was due another tough day (without the shock first).

 

In my experience of about 3 long/drawn out breakups - the only way to go is not to hide from the pain, but to feel it and lean into it. And rest as much as possible. Although waking up each time is scary - it's amazing how much healing you will have achieved when asleep. I think that whenever you are feeling the pain, you are healing faster. Go with it. Good luck people. Obviously it gets better and we'll all be fine in time.

[ap44]

Yeah mornings are hard right now cause i'm still not in school yet. So I wake up alone and thinking about her and stuff. It just sucks but then as the day goes on, the rest of my friends wake up and we can go party or just chill...bad way to end summer but it is helping. I find getting up and working out or going for a drive seems to do the trick, at least for now.

 

Once school starts, I will be very busy with that and work so, it doesn't even matter. Only another week left of my summer anyways.

[Coyote9]

That's what scares me most of all, I think -- forgetting him. Or getting to the point where we mean nothing anymore. How can something that was once so important just fade away? How can we let it just fade away into nothing?

 

And if we're forgetting them, then you know they're forgetting us too... that hurts me most of all.

 

As you can see, I'm having a hell of a time trying to let go

 

 

This sounds like it might be a first love? You won't forget him exactly, but you won't have much emotionall attachment to him or to your past, and believe me that's a good thing! Even with all of the serious relationships and breakups I've been through in the last 20 years (6 serious relationships and only one of those ended mutually, the others were not my choice), I have managed to get back on my feet and love again, although it takes time. Longer than we want certainly, and especially as we see our ex's already in serious relationships withing sometimes a few weeks of the breakup with us.

 

 

That's not about us, that's about their own emotional disfunction, or perhaps because they were never as into us as we were to them and pulled away emotionally many many months before the ultimate breakup. I know you don't want to forget the memories, but that's what we have to do to move on, or at least we begin thinking about them in a more detached way.

[Delia22]

Coyote: Not a first love, but definitely the strongest love I've ever felt for someone. In the end we both realized we were unhappy, but still had a great amount of love for each other. It's just hard letting go of someone you're in love with.

 

Thinking about the memories triggers the tears because I want so desperately to be in the moment again. And the thought of him moving on to the point where he doesn't feel that way about me anymore... or says those same words to someone else makes me a little sick to my stomach.

 

I'm starting to detach s-l-o-w-l-y... and I can see that I'm making iotas of progress every day. I want to get to the point where the memories make me smile rather than breakdown. That's my goal. That's when I'll know I'm OK.

[Desiderata]

Mornings and falling asleep are the hardest for me. I'm used to being held while I sleep so it's interesting being sprawled on my bed with no one else there. But mornings are hard too - especially when I dream about him. I wake up and look to my right expecting someone to be there and no one ever is anymore.

 

I just try to think about all of the exciting things I have planned for the day ahead of me and try to greet everyone that I meet after that with a smile. After I'm all ready for the day things do get better, but it's just laying alone and sleeping alone that feel extra weird.

[just M.E.]

I too cuddled while falling asleep but mornings are not a problem> He was a royal pain in the rear in the morning, you know that phrase, "Sometimes I wake up grumpy, or days I just let him sleep!"

I still wake during the night but the tension is slowly going away.

Maybe I should run a camp for the broken hearted ... my horses, dogs and goats, won't let me drag in the morning, now that it fall and I have to haul and stack hay, life won't let me ponder on him much. Maybe later it will. I am ina funny in between spot, sugject for me to figure out and post at another time.

I just read an article about emotional ties and the sense of smell, boy is that right. I miss the smell of the men I have loved, funny thing they all were very similar, kinda primitive, huh?

[bubblyblonde11]

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy, or days I just let him sleep!"

QUOTE]

 

LMAO - now theres a plus point to waking up on your own

[papalazarou]

Funny I actually found mornings quite easy. Probably because we both used to to rush about in the mornings getting kids ready and stuff.

 

Its the evenings that used to get me from around 7 till 9 when I used to feel "it". The coming home and knowing your S/O isnt there after a hard day at work.

 

Not any more obviously but when first splitting up that for me was the difficult time.

[fr0st]

I was dreaming about her...... I was feeling pretty good yesterday now im miserable.