How to Keep a Girl In Love

[lilokster]

To keep a girl/woman in love with you there are several things you must do.

You must at all times be the "man" in the relationship. Never let her tell you what to do, demean you, and never do anything to let her know that she has control over you.

 

A woman's goal is to change you from the bad person you are into the perfect man that she wants. The problem is, once you have changed into that person she will not want you anymore. No matter how much she tries to change you, she will not respect you if you do. She may say she wants a man that does this and that, but the fact is she got with you the way you are.

 

Women need drama in their loves to feel loved. They need to think you are cheating, lying, love your friends more than them, etc...

 

As much as they say they hate fighting and arguing, it's really what keeps them going. If you give in, stop hanging with your friends, take orders from her, and cater to her every need, she will get tired of you. Tired of you just sitting there being good. She will drop you(or at least start cheating). She doesn't want the man you have became. She's gonna go out and get with someone that is all the things she said she hated about you. Someone that really does all of the things she accused you of doing.

 

To make a relationship work is not about trying to make her happy all the time. You have to stress her out. Argue, fight, etc... The good times aren't really that good if there are no bad times to compare them to. They're just boring days.

 

You are a challenge to her. She started thinking about the things she was gonna change in you the day you met. She really thinks she wants you to change. But she doesn't. She's with you for a reason. No matter what she says. She is with you, not who she wants you to become. Once the challenge is gone and she has won, you're history. She will be out looking for another man to tame. Who wants a tame lion? Who would respect a lion that bowed his head to a woman? She won't.

 

The bottom line is....

Be yourself. That's who she wants. Give in from time to time. But keep it a challenge. We may want our women to be submissive to us, but they don't want that from a man. They need a real man. It doesn't mean you have to be an * * * * * * *, or hit them, cheat on them, or whatever. They just need to think it's possible.

 

Even if you are totally in love with her. She will walk all over you if you show it. Never let her know you can't live without her. Cause she will take advantage of it. Keep her challenged. Keep her on her toes. Make her have to struggle to keep things right. Too easy is boring. Women need excitement.

 

Keep her challenged and you will keep her forever. Change into the weenie she wants you to be and watch her treat you like the weenie you are.

[shes2smart]

This woman had her fill of drama over a decade ago, and realized that you can't change anyone even longer ago than that.

 

A man who "stresses me out" and constantly "challenges" me just makes me tired. I don't like living feeling like I'm sitting on the edge of the chair, arms outstreched, reaching for something that's continually out of my grasp.

 

I also don't like to fight/argue. Really. I don't.

 

Oddly enough, I had a bf who believed in this sort of stuff...and it got old fast...and he became an ex-bf even faster.

 

Anytime I see proclamations about what an entire gender wants or how to treat an entire gender, I'm immediately suspect.

 

One of the few (if not the only) accurate statements any of us can make about an entire gender that would apply to every single member of that gender is this:

 

They (men or women) are all different.

 

Broad generalizations save time, thinking and the effort of getting to know any one particular individual. I suppose they may have their place. However any usefulness they have flies out the window the second you encounter one of the many exceptions to the rule.

[Tethys]

I disagree with your entire post.

 

It certainly doesn't encapsulate an entire gender and has elements of dysfunctionality about it (women love arguments? That seems to be a statement from someone with a bad childhood), though I do agree all people (yes, male AND female) should be themselves and not be submissive to their partners and become a doormat.

[prizmpyxis]

I also disagree with your post, and I think it shows an extremely stereotypical and biased view of women in general. Did you even consider the female perspective in this? Or talk to an actual woman before making these assumptions? I really don't think so.

 

Women need to feel that you are cheating on them and lying to them???? That couldn't be more far from the truth. I hate drama, it tires me out, and I love it when my boyfriend is sweet and kind. In fact, I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

I don't want a man in my life who is going to yell at me, hit me, or make me feel bad in general. I don't even want to think that's possible. What I want is to think that this man respects me enough NEVER to do those things. That's actually what most women want out of their relationships.

 

As far as the changing thing goes, sorry but I wouldn't change my significant other for the world. I agree that everyone should be themselves and never change for their partners, but you are taking this to an extreme. Women do not try to change men, actually in any decent relationship couples try to compromise when they are faced with the challenges of change.

[Timebandit]

Rule #1: Stop playing games

[suresuresure]

I've known girls/women like this...but here's the thing: unless they were simply immature in the broad sense of the word, every last one of them clearly had severe issues and probably couldn't have a healthy relationship with a guy no matter how he treated her.

 

I'd rather be single than in a relationship where I have to walk around wearing a mask all the time (luckily I'm in a great relationship). Let me emphasize that it is important to stand your ground if you're being wronged, or call her out if she does something mean or thoughtless, but that's a far cry from arbitrarily starting arguments to "keep things interesting."

 

I'd rather have my wisdom teeth pulled with an old rusty pair of pliers than deal with that kind of nightmarish situation.

 

The true sign of a good relationship is when both partners can be vulnerable and it makes them closer rather than pushing them apart. Apparently you haven't found this yet, but I hope you do.

[Mavis VDSande]

Is this something you found on a site/advice from others or is this what you believe to be true? It sounds pretty crazy to me, why should hitting or cheating be at the back of any man's mind to keep a woman? Or feeling that women need a good argument now and then in their system?

 

You can't generalise women or men. It's like generalising what a relationship is or what a brother or sister should be to someone.

 

I believe in order to keep a couple in love, a couple must have friendship, respect for each other and a spark between them. How this is translated, executed is between a couple and can't be generalised.

[Tethys]

Yeah, the OP seems to be describing the "perfect" relationship for fifteen-year-olds, not adults. The only part he has right is that no one (except he only specified males) should become a doormat, catering to his or her partner's every wish. That IS the kiss of death in a relationship.

 

Otherwise, it sounds "nightmarish" (as said above) and like WAY too much work, for both parties.

[android12]

Many things wrong with this....there are too many generalisations and implications about women. You say that basically a women DOESNT KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS IN A MAN since she will change someone and then leave/cheat on them cos they are bored...this unfortunetly happens with BOTH SEXES! people dont realise that they cant change others, only themselves.

 

secondly youre saying be yourself, she's obviously with you for that reason. if you go around being controlling and trying to keep her submissive without her having her say/do things then (in most cases) your not being herself and why should she stay in a relationships where SHE cant even be herself! relationships with trust, mutual respect and communication work MUCH better with BOTH parties staying "in love" then the method you claim.

 

stressing her out by arguing etc...that is ridiculous....ask yourself...would YOU stay in a relationship like that? its not even arguing over a real/serious issue thats come up between both of you, its just about adding DRAMA and stiring the woman up to keep things "interesting" and a "challenge". couples will argue for a reason and try to resolve it, come to some sorta comprimise and they grow stronger for all those issues they sorted through. if someone threw pointless arguments at me all the time then those would be "bad times" and there wouldnt be any "good times" to compare it to - the "good times" would be my SO telling me i cant do this/cant speak my opinion - NO THANK YOU! as for girls feeling loved - youre trying to say that a girl will feel loved after you REASURE her that youre NOT cheating/love your friends more/lying. Why should anyone -MALE OR FEMALE- have to go through that pain in order to feel loved?! if you love someone show/tell them - dont make up some sorta situation to hurt her and make her the damzel in distress so that u can "rescue" her and tell her how much you "care". this all sounds like a huge power trip. if any girls smart - she'll be outta there before you realise!

[suresuresure]

Brilliantly said, Android (and everyone else, really). The way to challenge/interest a SO is to share opinions, do new things, set some lofty goals together, just HAVE FUN and don't be so conscious of some end goal! Enjoy the process, WANT to be together, make her feel like she's the only girl for you and, frankly, mean it.... all that bull you've heard in fairy tales is true, believe it or not. ROMANCE is what keeps a woman interested. I'm not talking about showering her with fancy gifts....no, I mean keeping her on her toes with different experiences, showing respect for her opinions (well, except for the dumb ones )

 

All that corny stuff you see in movies and whatnot? It works. Trust me, I was cynical too, but after a few failed relationships I gradually learned.

 

It's surprising how wonderfully simple life and love can be if you just put in an honest, positive effort and show that you care.

[android12]

Enough of this frenzy and misunderstandings. In all relationships, there's necessity for communication. If you're letting the women walk all over speak out, don't bottle it all up inside. There's compromise. You need that in any healthy relationship. It's a whole learning process, you learn how to love. There's no rules or gameplaying to it. That's what I like about friendships more any other relationships. With friends, you know everything about them, but you love them anyways. Deal with the flaws, shout and argue with each other, and the next day it's okay again. There's no breakup. I think you just need to think it over what you think love and a relationship is all about. We women really aren't as shallow as you think.

 

you've brought up a really good point too - friendship. i think its important that you can respect your SO as a close friend too and visa versa. cos like you said spicysangria - friends will love you no matter what - flaws and all. thats the problem with relationships...people hide their flaws to impress others and then things come up and there are arguments etc. if you can have a best friend in your SO then i think it makes a greater bond in your relationship and makes things easier when it comes to arguments etc - people dont just pull out "its over" they generally try and sort it out as friends. course this doesnt apply to every case! a lil off topic now but yea thats another thing...treat her/him how with the respect you would treat your friend ^_^ not something you own

[Tethys]

We may want our women to be submissive to us, but they don't want that from a man. They need a real man. It doesn't mean you have to be an *******, or hit them, cheat on them, or whatever. They just need to think it's possible.

 

Can I just say this is completely and utterly wrong? No, women should not be "submissive" to you, and any woman worth her salt would not stay with a man that she felt, in the back of her mind, might cheat on her or HIT her!

 

If I had that weird feeling inside that my man was going to cheat on me or start hitting me, I would know I'm not in the right relationship and leave.

[papaevag]

hey listen..

i was in 3 relashionships.. and i was the perfect man.. well thats what they said anyway. The first one 4 years, she left me for another guy. The 2nd one was for a year, i was the rebound. And now the 3rd one, i really liked this girl. I did everything i could think off, was being so good with her, was being romantic, anything a woman would ask for. Things started out well like the other 2 relashionships i had, i was finally happy. But then she started acting weird, was not as a guy would want his girl, was not romantic at all, did not know that the word 'thank u' exists, was been all stroppy with me, would get angry with me for no reason, not answer my txts or calls, or if she did it was like hours laater. So this 3rd time i got in a relashionship, i decided to brake it up, cause i couldnt stand her treating me like crap, when i never deserced it, and also cause i was scared it would end up like all other relashionships i had. So i decided to end it, and not get hurt like other times and have that stupid pain in my chest. Well it does hurt now, but i think i did what was best. And now that i ended it, she calls and txts, but i will not reply again. And the reason is that i gave her the chance to change like 3-4 times, and she didnt. So let her understan what she lost and regret.. well i dought that she will cause she has no heart and feelings. But i did what was best for me. Theres always someone better out there.

 

But what im really trying to say is that, the message i got the past years is that they like been treated like crap, and that us men should not let them think that were always there for them, so they know and feel deep inside that just one day you can leave them and desaper just like that. Most of them are mostly faking that they like there guy being all romantic and treating them like princesses. It's all bull..

thanks

[Tethys]

Papavag, well, from your post, could I not generalize that men and particularly YOU like being treated like crap, since you put up with a bad relationship for so long?

 

Of course I can't -- that would be ridiculous.

 

You yourself said there is someone better out there for you -- I would hope you don't think the "someone better" is a girl who wants to be treated like garbage.

 

And no, we don't want to be treated like princesses. We don't want to be fawned over. Mostly, we want to be treated like equals, but nice gifts go a long way on special occasions. (That goes for the men too.)

[Timebandit]

 

But what im really trying to say is that, the message i got the past years is that they like been treated like crap, and that us men should not let them think that were always there for them, so they know and feel deep inside that just one day you can leave them and desaper just like that. Most of them are mostly faking that they like there guy being all romantic and treating them like princesses. It's all bull..

 

Even if I agreed on this (which I do not) I would still ask the question: Would you treat a woman like crap just to be with her?

 

I certainly wouldn't

[shes2smart]

Quote:

We may want our women to be submissive to us, but they don't want that from a man. They need a real man. It doesn't mean you have to be an *******, or hit them, cheat on them, or whatever. They just need to think it's possible

 

Can I just say this is completely and utterly wrong? No, women should not be "submissive" to you, and any woman worth her salt would not stay with a man that she felt, in the back of her mind, might cheat on her or HIT her!

 

If I had that weird feeling inside that my man was going to cheat on me or start hitting me, I would know I'm not in the right relationship and leave.

 

Y'know, I have to chuckle at the usage of "submissive" in that context.

 

As I've mentioned before on the board, I've been actively involved in the public BDSM scene for about 10 years now. I identify as a submissive in that context.

 

If I was with someone who wanted me to believe that they *might* hit me (in a non-consenual, non-erotic way) or they *might* cheat on me or *might* whatever, I wouldn't be around long. The previous partner I referenced in my last post on this thread was, in fact, the first person I had a power exchange relationship with as a submissive. He fully believed this "keep them on edge and they'll try harder" stuff. All it did was make me uneasy, not trust him, and think he was full of crap.

 

When I first met my husband (who's also kinky), I floated the theory to him...mostly just to see what he'd say. He laughed. Hard. Thought it was utterly ridiculous. And from day one, he's behaved in ways that have only caused me to trust him and feel comfortable around him.....not breathless, walking on eggshells and teetering on the edge of my seat.

 

Sorry, but if you're making your partner (male or female) think you could be capable of hitting them, cheating on them or doing "whatever" to them it is, at best, manipulation and, at worst, psychological abuse.

[Tethys]

The funny thing is, shes2smart, I had the BDSM idea of "submissive" in the back of my mind as I typed this, and I almost put a clarifier. But, I realized it wasn't necessary in this context, because this guy is not talking about a consensual submissive lifestyle -- he's talking about women in general being submissive to men. Ick.

 

But, just thought I'd let you know I was thinking about it lol

[papaevag]

Even if I agreed on this (which I do not) I would still ask the question: Would you treat a woman like crap just to be with her?

 

I certainly wouldn't

 

of course i would not treat a woman like crao just to be with her.. but what i would like from a woman is to treat me equal like i treat her, and show the same interest in me as i do for her. and not be selfish and just think about herself. and thats something i have not seen the past years in none of the relashionships i had. And of course i know that theres somone better out there, that will make me happy and show me the love i show her, and be one together, equal.

[Tethys]

of course i would not treat a woman like crao just to be with her.. but what i would like from a woman is to treat me equal like i treat her, and show the same interest in me as i do for her. and not be selfish and just think about herself. and thats something i have not seen the past years in none of the relashionships i had.

 

Well, pal, welcome to enotalone. You'll find that theme here over and over again, from both men and women. We all want partners who treat us with respect and as equals. You're gonna fit right in!

[shes2smart]

The funny thing is, shes2smart, I had the BDSM idea of "submissive" in the back of my mind as I typed this, and I almost put a clarifier. But, I realized it wasn't necessary in this context, because this guy is not talking about a consensual submissive lifestyle -- he's talking about women in general being submissive to men. Ick.

 

But, just thought I'd let you know I was thinking about it lol

 

Eh, I have this problem where I see most things as being interconnected or related to each other.

 

It's ideas like what the OP presented that give people funny (read: "misguided") ideas about BDSM.

 

I'm a lot of things (including being a submissive) but I am in no way a doormat and the relationship described in the original post doesn't appeal to me in any way, shape or form.