I'm going to start making myself available...

[ivanhoe]

Hi all, I'd appreciate your thoughts.

 

In my post "I now know what grief and shock feels like" I described the break up of my relationship with my ex. Essentially it's been rocky since the beginning of the year and I removed the last of my property from her house at the end of July after finishing "for good" overnight at the end of June.

My ex made it clear that "there is no chance of us being together" and "we need to move on", for a while I held out hope that we could fix our relationship through proper communication and removal of the misperceptions that I believe were at the root of my ex's decision but now I have come to the point where I can, and will do nothing more to win her back.

 

Her treatment of me, completely blanking me after 3.5 years has helped me appreciate that this is her decision and she must thereforeeee be happy in the knowledge that she has released me. Anyone that is prepared to let their partner who loves them, respects and admires them and, in my case was prepared and happy to support her and her daughter over the long course has to accept that the dumpee may just move on themselves.

 

So this is what I am doing, I've been reading and working through Brian Caniglia's e-book and I am now taking on the "go out dating" challenge. I've created a profile on link removed and have had half a dozen "winks" already.

 

My thoughts are:

 

Am I rushing into this?

My ex could well see my profile and realise that I am actually quite a catch and I may not be around for long...

I may meet my soul mate, although It's a want and not a need

I can experience some new social situations and perspectives.

 

I have spent an awful lot of my personal and professional time analysing what went wrong in my relationship, both of our behaviours and what I need to do to make sure that should I feel "love" again I won't make the same mistakes. I think about my ex a lot and I've no idea how I would react should she decide to get in touch but for now I am going to make positive steps or myself.

 

Appreciate external perspectives.

 

Paul

[Sir Tristan CA]

Good on you! I'm just now beginning to get back into the dating game after a (horrible) break-up with a girl I truly respected, loved, and admired. She accused me of lying to her, which I would sell my soul to prove isn't true, but she was very adamant in her accusations. It hurt like all of hades to let her go, but I knew it had to be done because no matter how much I loved her, she could never love me again without some divine miracle that i'm not holding my breath for. I know just how you feel with the questions about whether or not it's too soon. Is it just a rebound relationship? Bah! Live life! Even if this next relationship turns out to be a rebound, at least you've moved past the one that was holding you back.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

Hi..

 

For me..it would be too soon to start dating again ..i would need some time to clear my head...but i also understand that need to get back out and meet new people...and expand your social life... but i wouldn't go into any of these dates with the intention of meeting someone special... it would definitely be a rebound and it would hurt you and the person you become involved with.

 

I would just be upfront and honest with where you are at ...and take time to get to know yourself as a single person.

[ivanhoe]

Thanks guys,

 

I do wonder if I'm rushing things a bit but the more I think about the more I realise that our relationship ended a long time ago. I understand the rebound stuff and I will be honest with anyone who I do date and also honest with myself about the chance of any development. One thing that I've learnt from this forum that even if it "feels" like the right thing to do it may not actually be the right thing to do, I certainly don't want to be responsible for someone feeling the way I have done over the past few months so I will be treading carefully. I'm not going to give up my single life just yet or have expectations of meeting the "special one" but also I don't know what lies around the corner so I'm going to take a peep and see what happens...

[FeignedMischief]

My ex bf dumped me over 6 weeks ago now and I guess my advantage is that we live in different countries and isnt highly likely for us to bump into each other. I am still in grief over the way I was dumped, like Sir Tristan my ex accused me of lying and cheating on him which I didn't do, and that's how he decided to end the relationship. Despite my pleadings to make it work he was fully convinced that it was my cheating on him that caused it.

 

I have also decided to make myself available at least to become friendly with this guy living in my locality. It is too soon to be in another relationship but I believe that meeting new people, and developing new friendships, to both men and women is always a good way of healing oneself.

 

I suppose it's alright Paul.