Please help... any advice would help...

[VUJuan]

Hello. My name is Juan and I am 18 and here is what is going on with me...

 

When I was 15 I met this girl online. We started going out and immediatelly thought we were meant for each other (of course, being 15 and all didn't help at all) so we started fooling around and next thing we know we are pregnant. 2 Years later we are living together with my parents. I am working 3 jobs and attending school full time. She is a stay at home mom who makes my life miserable in almost every aspect but somehow still finds a way to make me find happiness at the end of everyday. So after being together for 3 years she starts to visit her mother more and more often (who she used to hate) and starts to get into religion. I don't like it very much and it actually kind of bothers me but I go along with it and let her do whatever she wants understanding that she needs something to do with her free time while she watches our daughter. A few months later she leaves home and says that she will be staying over at her mother's house for a day and I have no problem what so ever with it (I found out over the phone while I was working) So 2 days go by and we start arguing over the phone because she doesn't want to come back. After the 3rd day I keep calling and she keeps hanging up. Eventually some guy picks up the phone and tells me that she is busy. I forced him to put her on and proceed to ask her if she was seeing someone else. She admits to be going out with this guy. At that moment I felt like dying. I felt like I was the lowest form of life in the planet and that both her and my daughter were gone forever. I even went over to her mother's house a couple of days later and asked to see her. We went out to grab a snack and she had hickies on her neck. I gave her the opportunity to go back home with me and forget anything ever happened. She tells me that she wants to see how things go with this guy and then she will let me know, something we all found very disrespectful and crazy. So ofcourse the other guy is 15, no school, works at McDonals, and leaves her after a week. I decided to move on and found someone else who I am pretty sure I like, sure, we argue, but who doesn't. Now... 3 months later... my ex decides to call me and email me and what not just to see if the feelings for her are still there.... I cannot lie and admit to still having some feelings. I think you guys get the point by now... I know there is no going back... She has now basically cheated on me (which she denies constantly and tells me the hickies were there just to upset me and has had sex with yet another guy...) I know there is no going back... but damn it! It's killing me inside. I get to see my daughter every weekend instead of everyday and I miss them both, but I know there is no going back! Why?!? What the hell did I do to freaking deserve this kind of treatment? People just tel me: "That's what you get for having a kid at your age" And it's like "Thanks a lot a**hole." I know it isn't fair to my new partner that I still think about my ex and I do even more that I would have a chance to get her back but there just isn't a way of going back. I do not know what to do... I am at the same state of mind as when she first left me for someone else... I stay up all night, open 20 cans of soda but only finish half of them, I drive around town all night long and sometimes reach 125mph on the freeway, I cry for hours at a time, I wake up my parents in the middle of the night when I know they gotta go to work the next day, I bother my new gf with all this crap even though I know she understands, I get extremely depressed at work and take it out on co-workers and customers and it just sucks, I can't eat, I can't think, I can't sleep. What the hell is wrong with me? I miss my freaking daughter!I never asked for much, I just never thought this would happened. I worked very hard (too hard according to my ex) to give them everything they wanted and more and tried my best but it just wasn't freaking good enough and I don't know why. I don't even know how I had the guts to write this since my chest starts hurting everytime I think of the situation. I am a freaking zoombie. I work 55 hours a week at one job and have worked as much as 19 days in a row combined in between both current jobs. I don't know what the hell I am doing and I don't even know if I care. Please help me find a way to make all of this work out or at least make sense. Thank you so much for all of your help and excuse my grammar and spelling, It's 2 AM. Thank you guys... Thanks...

[Gilgamesh]

Hello Juan

 

I read all this and man, I just have to give you a pat on your back for being there for your GF, yes it was a mistake having sex and having a family so soon, but you were mature enough to stay with her, love her, and support her and your daughter, many young guys would have run for the hills.

 

And she repays you with this, I completely understand where your at right now, your thinking how can you have her again, she was gonna dump you like worthless trash so she could take off with that other guy, and she even had the nerve to tell you, she was going to see whether things worked out with him, and if they dont shell give you a call, really, so your second eh?

 

Some will probably say, oh, she is the mother of your daughter, and you need to think about her, well to those people I say, yes thats exactly what you were doing before she took off and had a fling, was she thinking about her daughter or herself when she was with this other guy? yeah right.

 

A loving relationship is based on trust, also respect, you have lost your trust in her, and she dissed you bad. If she really cared about you she would not have done this.

 

I know you hurt, I am in a similar situation, I can never ever go back to my Ex. I have not contacted her in 5 months, and i wont. because the woman I loved doesnt exist anymore, she lives only in my memories, I loved her so very much, but its as if she has died, and in a sense she has, I would never be able to trust her again, she blew it, she had everything, love, honesty a hard working man and romance we were wonderful together, but she blew it, just like your girl did to you.

 

My ex probably wants me back, I dont wanna know, I dont care, some say forgive that people change, well im sorry, she hurt me in so many ways and on so many levels. if she was capable of doing it then she is capable of doing it again.

 

You Juan, are a loyal, hard working man, you have legal right to see your daughter at any time, love her, take care of her, but at the same time, find a woman that will appreciate you and love you, you will find her, cause there are so many gals that are looking hard for a good man like yourself.

[VUJuan]

Thanks for all your help man... I still find myself coming home after working 2 16 hour shifts on my 2 "days off" over at Utah and looking at my filthy hands and saying... "Now I see why she wouldn't want this..." But then I turn around and look at my daughter's food supply, her clothes and all her toys... and I just tell myself... "Damn... what the hell?" It is so confusing. My father told me the same thing after I came from my main job the other day and was all beat up... he told me that she would do it again and this time it would be under my roof. I really like the girl that I am with now... but I don't know if I am with her because I truly want to be with her or because she is helping me get over my ex... The only thing that I know is that there is no going back... friends tell me that people change and that I can give her another chance but I would much rather just go through this one than to risk it happening again. This new girl is pretty cool, she is very inmature given that she is only 16 and I am 18 but feel 55... Thanks again for all your help and please let me know if there is anything else that needs to be said about what I am going through... Thank you so much...

[DREAM]

IM SORRY BUT I T.O.T.A.L.L.Y AGREE WITH Gilgamesh.

[VUJuan]

I was brought up seeing my father as a good family man and I have always hoped to be at least half as much of a man as is... Looks like I have taken the rougher road but I will eventually make it... You are absolutely right... The idea of going back to her just to be with my daughter is very tempting but I would rather just cut clean now and leave it as it is than have my daughter experience a nasty divorce a few months or years down the road. The thought of another guy taking the role of her father is another thing that drives me nuts. I know that there can only be one father... but can that father be the one that you get to see on weekends only if your mother thinks that it is ok? See what I mean? I know that there is no point in tormenting myself with all these questions... It won't change anything for better or worse but I can't help it...

 

I can afford to take a few hours off work every now and then but would much rather keep myself occupied so that I don't have a lot of time to think... Besides... I like to spoil myself and those around me... especially my daughter (aka my godess) she deserves the best no matter what...

 

I wouldn't mind having some friends but that is another thing I was never allowed to have while I was with my ex... All and Any of my friends bothered her... I had to switch out of classes in HS and avoid people at all times because she was affraid that I would cheat on her... Ironic isn't it? It is now 3:30 AM and here I am again... Oh well... I actually do have one good friend who has always been there for me and helped me out right away when things first went wrong... he tried taking me out to dinner and going to gaming places and whatnot... I have to make sure to let him know that I appreciate all that he has done for me sometime... I also appreciate all the help that I am receiving from you guys and I hope to get my life back in the right lane and syncronized once again.... Thanks again...