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I Baked Him A B'Day Pudding & He Went Out With His Mate


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First of all, I dont even know where this fits in admist all the forum threads. The essense of the story goes like this; It was BF's b'day last friday and he was flying back on thursday night. Long layover at sydney airport so must be completely exhausted upon arrival so other than speaking on the phone didnt really want to ask for anything like a sleepover etc.


So everything was planned out for his b'day. Dinner reservation, the usual stuff, and I made effort to bake him a b'day pudding despite my busy work schedule. He's always loved sticky date pudding and its so hard to get good ones in this part of the world so I decided to make one instead and surprise him. And if it doesnt turn out well, we can both laugh at it or me together.


Friday came & turns out he was double booked. I thought his ex GF was gonna gatecrash the night but nope, its his mate from San Francisco. To be fair, they only see catch up once every 2 years or so but that means I have to wait around from 6-8pm before I could even see him, and boys night out usually mean at least 3 hours of talking about absolutely everything and nothing. So I told him to go out with his mate and I'll cancel dinner reservation as he's not gonna be in time for it. He wanted a rain check for dinner but is sure he will be able to meet him at 9pm.


I sob a little on my way home. I told myself I am not going to murk around just to wait for him to be done with his mate. I have a life too so I went home and pig out on fried chicken wings with coleslaw. That was heaven for me. By 8.15pm he text to ask whereabouts I am so I told him I am watching cable tv at home and not going out. He suggested we do pudding at my place instead. He turns up 8.40pm but was so bloody sick that he went straight to the bathroom and chucked. He wasnt drunk, might have caught a travel bug. So the night ended such a way that I tucked him on a couch with ginger tea whilst he watched telly. At about 11.15pm, I sent him off in a taxi.

I think I both know and dont know why he came round after drinks when he realised he was sick.


I did not contact him for next 2 days because I really dont know what to say or make out of it. This is the first time I've made special effort only to be smacked on the face. He did say sorry on Friday night and I said "Happy birthday before time runs out, sleep lots, take your vitamins and the pudding will keep". He was still sick over the weekend and didnt hear much from him.


Its monday morning here and still no news despite texting him thrice. I am sick of being the GF-in-waiting. Why does a lot of men out there have no respect for a woman's time, and thinks their time is more important than ours. If we dont do anything on their b'day, they dont think we care. And when we make an effort to plan a special one, they think we've gone OTT. When I said its ok go out with your mate, he thinks he's gonna have to pay big time for it another day. But I didnt think like that, it was more like "if your mate from SFO is so important just like many others out there to you, then you should be with them, not me". Simple as that. Perhaps its time to turn the cold shoulder now.

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I'm not sure what's wrong?


It seems like he still made an effort to see you, despite being sick. And he was still sick during the weekend, it doesn't seem wrong that he hasn't kept in touch with you.


Are you bothered that he hung out with his friend instead? Is this friend not really a close one of his?

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I agree with DN. I know you are disappointed because you planned this whole evening for him and were probably really excited about it. When plans don't work out like we think or want them do, we can get angry. But try to take a step back from the situation for a second. He rarely sees this guy. It's not like he can call him up next week to go out. It's a rare opportunity. And knowing he was sick, he still wanted to do what you had planned that was still doable. It's not his fault he was sick. It's not his fault his friend came at this time. I think he tried to balance everything the best he possibly could.

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My exact point is - I was feeling "HUH" right inside. But I wasnt angry, didnt scream or tell him to f-off (i do that when i get a complete melt down). On the contrary, other than sobbing wee bit in the taxi, I went home and nurse a beer instead. This was the first time i have felt "empty" when a man cancels on me and say lets catch up in 2 hours time.


But no, he wasnt drunk. I guess being sick, and having 2 beer, he's just asking for me. He kept apologising, thinking I would make him pay big time (the vindictive me he says) and suggest we would get a Take 2 for the same night (but i told him time cannot be reversed). I really dont think i am angry, i was clueless, didnt know what to do or how to respond but felt something isnt right and i wanna let it out, talk about it etc.

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