How to talk to my gf...

[stratguy620]

So Ive been with my current girl for 8 months now, and I'm crazy about her. She lives a few hours away, which sucks obviously, but she lives in the same town as my family, so when I went home for the summer, we saw each other every day. The thing is, and I don't want to sound like a jerk for this, but she is a hardcore people-pleaser. Her friends (including my younger sister) use and abuse her and she just takes it. They are territorial and manipulative, and get mad at her if she hangs out with anyone but them. She just takes it from them, and bends over backwards, just because she is afraid they will resent her, or something along those lines. For example, for my last night of the summer there, it would make sense that we would spend quality time together. But no, one of her friends asked her to come over and play video games with her...so she did. Both her mom and I have talked to her about how this isn't just bad for our relationship, and that it's unhealthy for her as well. Anytime I bring it up, she gets upset, and says she knows they are terrible to her, but she says she cant change. It breaks my heart that I hardly even talk to her anymore, since she's constantly with them. I really don't know what else to say or do, but it's getting to the point where I'm just reflexively hostile with her. If anyone has any advice or experience, please help...im desperate...

[Lana0120]

If she's hanging out with her friends rather than you, it isn't just because she is a people pleaser. It sounds as though you're making her feel uncomfortable by lecturing her on this amd becoming 'hostile' towards her. Don't get me wrong - I think you're right that she shouldn't let herself be used this way. However, if she thinks that you and her mom are 'ganging up' on her, she'll just head towards those friends. Although it's not true that she can't change, she obviously doesn't want to change, so it's a case of accepting who she is and supporting her, as hard as that is to do when you feel so frustrated that she lets herself be treated this way. *hugs*