confused.. young, cant cope... my life the past year.

[confused_16]

well this is probably going to be really long..

So be prepared!

 

Well. 2004... there had been a boy who has been fairly new at our school, and the lasses loved him, he was rather cocky and a charming lad, and very nice to look at, a year had passed. And I was one of the quiet girls, but had the odd chat with him, and then we suddenly found ourselves getting closer n closer, until we admitted we really liked each other.

He had convinced the person hu I had a really big crush on to finish me. This may seem nasty but am glad he did, then on xmass day we got going out! I love that feeling knowing I got with sum one on xmas day!

 

3 months passed, and being 15... we got up to the kissing, but nothing intimate, however unfortunately we finished, you see he wasnt a virgin, and i was, i didnt mind going past kissing stages just i was nervous id do it wrong

the thing wrong was that we hadnt really spoke bout this stuff, and during out split, we did, and realised i had nothing to be scared off and he reassured me, aying we could do things when i was ready, in matter of 2 weeks we realised didnt want to break up. and got back together,

 

during this tym, we did get intimate and did have sex, and we seemed more happier then ever, going away on our holidays we hated it, as we were separated, but we wasnt a couple that saw each other everyday like all my friends seem to be, we just enojoyed each others company, however people got involved, and started stirring things, whitch werent true bout us both and we had a communication breakdown again. as people who said things to me, i didnt say anything about to him, as i didnt want him to think i was accusing him and vice versa, then we thought, whats wrong with us, if we couldnt even talk to each other... once again we experienced another heartbreaking break up. even though we both knew it was over.

 

during the 6 week holidays, even though we had brokeup we would still be together! if you knowwhat i mean. and when we was out he would ask me back out, but then say no im only kidding, he wasnt being nasty, i know he wasnt, but he said the arguments came and he said he didnt deserve me, if all he did wen he finished me was hurt me, he said i didnt deserve to go through it, thats bit is quite hard to explain, butanywa he told me to move on, and a boy i knew asked me out, after a lot of convincing from my friends that it was the right thing to do, i said yes, but then my ex... and i... talked.. and this is wen he admitted, tht him asking me out all those tyms wasnta joke, it was actually for real, he was just scared, as he had neva felt like this about a girl, i stayed up until 5 in mornin talking to him, i then th next morning, wrote him a 7 page letter, as he said if i was moving on he was too, and that day hed had been arranged to see a girl. after this he saw the girl, then another, each tym knowing how damaging it was to me, and then me and him were fyn again, then i started to really like smone, and he found out. accidently by me calling him this boys name. i then was getting with this boy thinkin again i need to be away from my ex, but he knew i still had feelings for him, so he slept with another 4 girls. i got with this boy, and during a short time i really enjoyed it, however the boy had asked me out whilst my ex was on holiday, knowing he couldnt interfere. then talking to my ex when he was on holida, we realised how much we missed each other, and when he came bak we all went to a party, and my ex wold constantly look at me my friends were saying and always sit next to me, and try to talk to me. it was great to know my ex was fighting for my attention after the pain he had caused me no matter how much i loved him.

 

when we returned to school, we had a concert to do, he is a great singer, and me and him flirted like mad, and eveyrone thought we was back together, on the caoch we sat together, and my friend had sussed us out and even sed to us, your getting bak together rnt you. we had concerts through the day that week and we were aloud home instead of going back to school. and he ended up coming back to mine. yes i ended up cheating on the current boyfriend. it was very sad actually cos my ex was crying to me, tellingme he loved me, yes we were only 15, its not like we knew we was going to be together forever, its infatuation, young love i guess.

i ifnished the boy straight away, and then i got back with my ex.

but we had an accident..

i found out around novemeber time.. i ws pregnant.

i was gutted, but he reassured me things were going to be ok, he song my faveourite song to me.. 'smile' we both cried, cuddled, he seemed to be my rock, we agreed that it was best not to keep the child. and decided to have an abortion. im sorry if no one agrees with this.

i had family problems as i wasnt going to tell my parents however my auntie did. and ever since this day.. nothing in my life has gone right

 

after i got rid of the baby, i was down as expected, and in pain. so i wasnt up for going out, and seeing other people, and having fun and goingto partys ike we normaly did. to him i became boring, i dont think he understood how much i was going through, both physically and mentally. we ended up finishing just after new year.. i was heart broken, expecially as i had been through a lot, i wasnt expecting to feel how i did. i wanted to keep the baby but knew i wouldnt have been able to. and so many people would have dissaproved as both me and my ex both have the potential to have good jobs, and our prents told us this would stop us, as both parents were in the same situation. when he finished me, i couldnt understand how he could have when it was only a month after i had the abortion...

 

his birthday came in january and i was coming to terms with the abortion and started to get bak on track with everything, even though we had split up, we still stayed in contact and everything was going ok, he had a party, and we was hitting it off ok, we had a laugh. then he admitted to why he was nasty to me, cos he wanted me to get over him, and wanted me to hate him, but one nyt in febuary i got really drunk and can barely remember doing this. ,and ended up being with my best friends bloke, my ex found out, and said he was going to ask me out but i ruined it.. he used that line quite often wen sumthing went wrong. my friend didnt find out until 2 months after, i was so ashamed of myself. that i coldnt bring to tell anyone. To this day I really regret doing this. I absolutely miss my friend. And I kno this is all my fault..

when she found out, I had actually got back with my ex.. and then he finished me becos of her.. but a week after he rang me up saying he was sorry.

 

8th june..

Was prom night.. and my ex friend went with my ex.. and this absolutely killed me.. my prom night was ruined because of this. Seeing them slow dance. Even though I did have a partner.. who I did like. But he came bak to myn afta the prom as we had a party. We argued bout that night saying how he never spoke to me all night. He said if I asked him out he would go back out with me any day. We then started arguing this week. And he realised when I asked him out that he couldn’t commit to the person he loved. So we didn’t speak for 3 weeks. Then one day.. we met accidently.. and kinda got together. And then since then we started meeting. But he noticed a boy liked me.. and I liked him, and then we was at a party, and I noticed he started being really nice to me. and when he kissed me, he looked at the boy who liked me. which confused me.

 

And from july we have been seeing each utha.. and then on the 17th of august he text me saying he wanted to be back with me, he told everyone we was back together, but he hadn’t asked me out. The day after, I went to his and stopped, but whilst he was on his msn, he was talking to a girl.. and I noticed it was quite flirty. Then the day after I asked him what the deal was with me and him, and asked if we was back together. things soon changed, he said he didn’t want to be with me…

Then on the Monday, we went out, and he was being fine with me. I didn’t get it, then on the Tuesday we argued, and we both admitted that we had been seeing utha people, I was gutted cos he was seeing the girl I watched him av an hour and half flirty convo in front of me. I cried my eyes out, knowing we could have been back together. I then went to skeggy on the 17th of august.. and when I came back I had a bad feeling..

He was with her, hed had sex with her and the job lot.. he seemed really happy..i felt like * * * * tbh.. I didn’t know wot to do.. strangley thing was he was being dead nice to me.. and we were friends. Then on Thursday gcse result day we all went out, he knew I was upset, but came up to me and asked to talk.. I did.. and we ended up cheating on his gf, we laid in the middle of the field, and looked at the stars, he then asked how old our bby would be, which im surprised he even knew we would have one in our arms right now. he couldn’t stop saying he loved me, and for the weekend we were constantly talking, and getting on well, I know it was wrong, but this weekend, we have cheated on her more then 3 times, then today, he said it shouldn’t be happening, and said I was dead to him, so I told her.. I suppose hse had a right to know, now im scared of what is going to happen, If im dead to him.. then whats point anymore, I just asked him and he says he loves me, but cant be with me, cos I go crazy when he is with sumone else, but I only told her because he as messed me around, yes I realised ive stooped low to get to him,.. and now im struggling to cope with everything please sumone help me.. anyone know how I can get over him..? = [ im not a weirdo or anything… I am normally a happy girl.. just a confused one who misses a boy dearly..

[prizmpyxis]

Hi confused,

 

I know that you want to get over your ex, but this isn't going to happen right away. The one and only thing that will make you get over your ex is no contact, and TIME. You need to focus on yourself right now, and get yourself back on track. This boy is playing games with your heart and mind, and while it's clear to me that you may love him and he may reciprocate that feeling...it's also clear that the relationship isn't working at all.

 

As we get older, we learn what we want out of a relationship and who it is we truly want to be with. You mentioned several times in your post that you know you are young, and while that may be true...the abortion and everything else you have faced has forced you to experience adult circumstances. I think that you need to learn how to be a kid again, and to let go of these painful memories. If you need to speak to a therapist in order to do so, I strongly recommend it.

 

You may compare everyone you meet to your first love (your ex), but after a while you will find that there are other guys who you like BETTER than him. This hot and cold game that you are playing with each other isn't healthy, and I'm sure it's making you miserable. What you need to do is to break contact with him, and get yourself back on track. It may hurt for a while, but it's for the best.

 

If in six months time, you find that you are completely over your ex and you feel ready...then you may want to consider pursuing a friendship with him. However, for right now you need to tell him that you no longer want to speak to him, and for him not to call you anymore. This is the only way that you will get over him completely. I know this may be difficult, but try not to go to parties/places where you think he will be and do everything in your own power not to call him. If you feel like you HAVE to call him, post on here and someone will help you...or distract yourself with an activity or game.

 

Trust me on this one, there are plenty of other fish in the sea.

[schueysgirl]

Wow. You have sure been through the mill honey considering you are quite young. However you sound like you have a good head on those shoulders and you recognise that you have made some mistakes.

 

The best thing you can really do is get away from this boy and everything to do with him, in order to fully heal both from him and the experience of abortion. Unfortunately at the age you are at it is incredibly difficult to distance yourself from one person due to school, friendship groups and being tied down in one place. You just have to do the best you can in order to get over him and move on. The situation is obviously making you unhappy so you need to have a good think about how YOU can fix things FOR YOU.

 

Write down what YOU want with your life and figure out how to get them. Try and meet some new friends and start socialising away from him and the friends and people you share. Eventually in a couple of years people grow out of stiring and spreading rumours it is just something that happens in a school environment and it is always unhealthy. I went thru a very VERY similar situation to you when i was 16, 17 and 18 and at school with my then boyfriend.

 

So i honestly know how hard it is. I think perhaps you need to talk to a counsellor or somone professional to deal with your grief about the abortion it is nothing to be ashamed about at all you just need to work through it.

 

But honestly distance yourself from this guy at the moment you are both being very toxic to each other and neither of you know how to move on from this. You need to break this cycle of hurt by completely cutting him out of your life so you can heal. Who knows years down the line things may change, people change anyway so much from the ages of 18 thru to 22 so you will both be different people in a few years. If you are meant to be together then going your separate ways to heal wont matter...

 

I wish you all the best and we are all here for you xxx