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I love my girlfrind very much. I think there is a problem that is getting in the way of our love. Ok, well, she thinks that I have not been able to detach myself from my exgirlfiend. I feel that I have moved on. She thinks that I haven't because I have been occasionally seeing what is new in her life and what kind of trouble she is getting herself into. I want to know that I was right when we ended. Maybe this is selfish of me, but that is why I am searching for advice. Am I being selfish? What should I do to make my girlfriend feel I truly love her and I don't want to be involved with my past girlfriend in any way??? She seems really hurt by this but I don't want to lose my memories of the past either. Can anyone help???

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To be honest, I'm a little unclear about your response--how exactly does she think you are not over someone? What signs or signals is she detecting which makes her think you aren't over someone else? Please clarify this a little further.

 

Overall though, I don't think you are being selfish at all. Rather the contrary; we all learn valuable things in relationships--especially the worst of them! To deny someone the right to think back on things, to rival in the pleasure and feelings you had "back then" is truly selfish. To deny that we all have sexual and emotional histories is ludicrous(sp).

 

If you've done all you can to convince her you are happy in that relationship, and you aren't seeking anything with anyone else, then it is up to her to accept that at face value, and trust you will follow your word.

 

How open is she about people she has dated in the past? How comfortable would you be hearing about the people she has been with? Make sure you are ready for the same thing you are asking her to do first and fore most.

 

Get a few more details in your next reply, prepare yourself to hear things from her about her relationships, and work on being sincere with her about how you are feeling in the present.

 

See how it goes from there.

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Dear Hubber,

Your Girlfriend is justified in the way she feels. I can understand that you want to know about your ex just to make sure you were right coz at one point in life I used to do the same. Eventually I realised what a waste of time it was. We should trust our decisions more than this.

Lets say for a second , you found out that you were wrong in leaving your ex. So now wouldnt that make your life more complicated?

I would say, stop following your past and focus on your current relationship. That will give you a better chance to happiness tomorrow.

Regards,

JustAnotherFriend

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No offense, but you are merely looking for an answer to which you already know when you asked this question. I think the problem you need to address here is that you haven't gotten over your ex because thereforeeeeeee you wouldn't be concerned about "what trouble she's getting into". The fact that you need reassuring justification that ending your old relationship was the right thing to do makes it all the more obvious that you are second-guessing whether or not you should have ended it period. That, my friend, is ongoing feeling for someone you are not with anymore thereby causing your now girlfriend to question the validity of your love. Maybe you need to be honest with yourself, as well as your current girlfriend, if not your former girlfriend. If you want to see a future you have to get beyond the past first. Hope this helps-

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