phone rings and psychology

[freudj2000]

Hi all,

 

Sorry for venting but I am just not having a good day. It has been over 4 months (1 month since I learned that I was dumped for another) and recently I really did not feel any positive feelings for her. Mostly anger. I also did not have a desire to call her. But today, my cell phone rang and I hoped that it was her. (although deep down inside I know that I will never hear from her again). My heart started to beat fast from the moment I heard the ringing till I actually picked up the phone. Of course it was not her but it worries me that a ring can still make me nervous like this. I even missed her today. Does this mean subconsciously I still can not let her go?

[EricAK]

Relax freud!

 

We all go through that. I want NOTHING and I mean NOTHING to do with my ex. But, I still sort of want to hear from her, mostly just to either validate I was a part of her life and did some amazing things for her and her son, and so I get to ignore her!

 

There are times when I here my phone ring, or hear that text message alert where I hope it is her trying to hoover me back into the chaos. But, I am always GLAD when it is not her!

 

It is normal, and it doesn't mean you are not moving on!

 

Eric

[freudj2000]

Thank you Eric.

[neolithic]

hah, it's been almost two months since i broke up with my boyfriend, but every time my phone says "new message" for a text, i assume it's him. or i have the same feeling or something, sort of hard to explain. i just associate it with him, because we were long distance for 6 months and i heard it from him so so often. i have no desire to speak to him. in fact, last night it went off, i assumed it was someone else, but it was him.. and i moaned and groaned and really really reaaaaaally now wish he hadn't messaged me, but that's beside the point. anyway, the point is, i think, that it's very normal. what i did for my phone ringer, when someone calls, is just totally change it. have you done that? and how long were you two togethere?

[freudj2000]

neolithic,

 

Thanks for the insight. We were together for 2 years, and it was LDR mostly.

Changing the ringer tone is a good idea. I will do it ASAP because you may be right, it is just associating the tone to her.

 

Thanks

[EricAK]

It was one of the first things I did. New ringer tones, new phone even. Juts get all the residue of her out of there!

 

Eric

[auburnslp]

First of all, please do not apologize for venting on here...we are all here for you. Four months is not that long...you are still working through the process...but here is some good news that I read from your post...you said you have mostly felt anger lately, but then you seemed to not care so much, and today was a bad/sad day...well, that is actually a positive...there are certain things most all of us go through regarding grief, and in my opinion, anger is the least desireable of all of them, because it negatively impacts everything about our lives-...these days of sadness will continue maybe for a while, and it is hard, and I am sorry that you are going through this. But please take it from someone who knows-it really sounds like you are moving forward, even though it may not feel that way to you. Sadness, emptiness, and maybe a return to anger for brief periods will continue for a bit...but you will see, eventually you will just come to a peaceful place in your heart and mind, realizing that it just wasn't meant to be, and then you will be completely able to truly move on with your life and love...it will happen-keep your chin up, and plod through the sad moments, knowing that there is indeed light at the end of this tunnel-once again, trust me, I know...

[desert_rose26]

I'm glad to read that this also happens to some people. I thought I wasn't completely over my ex because my heart jumped whenever I get LD calls. I thought I was over him. But after reading the responses, I know I am completely over him. I never want to get back together with him so that confirms that I am definitely over him. That sad thing is knowing that until I find someone new, I will still have thoughts about him.

[freudj2000]

Thanks aubornslp, thecure and desert_rose26.

[FeignedMischief]

I still jump everytime my phone rings, or everytime I hear an SMS has just been sent to my mobile, then feel let down that it wasnt him calling or texting; but somehow also relieved because I dont trust myself as to what I'll say and do should he call or text.

 

The silence of my phone is one of the things I am still struggling to accept, every single day. If only we didnt need phones these days...

[Delia22]

I've been shutting my phone off lately... this way I'm not waiting for it to ring. Although, I have to admit that when I turn it back on and I see that I have no new messages or missed calls, I do get a little disappointed.

[redhotchilipepper]

Everyone seems to go through this sort of thing...

 

That same things goes for me...whenever I leave my phone in my room for an hour or two I go back to check and if I dont have any missed calls from my EX I feel disappointed but at the same time I know that if it was her my heart would skip a beat and I would now know if I should pick up the phone or not. But whenever I did in the past the excitement only lasts for a little while and then Im back at square one.

 

I think part of the reason why most of us get that feeling is because we are hoping our ex will take us back or ask us to try one more time...back to the good ol days when everything was ok

[freudj2000]

Well, I do want her to call and ask me to try one more time so that I can scream a big and loud "NO". It is a good thing that I don't want her back, but apparently my anger is still lingering around so I will just wait till it passes away. I am so looking forward to the day where I won't care anymore.

Thanks all for the replies

[Desiderata]

When my cell phone rings now I know it's not him because everyone that normally calls me - my family and my close friends - all have their own ringtones. But the other day I heard someone's phone and it was the same ringtone I used to have for him and it scared me so much! I was like no, my phone is not ringing... sometimes I wish it was him, just wanting to ask or tell me something but I try not to think about that.