I haven't expected this!

[Iarra]

Ok, so it's a Saturday, and I have to work this afternoon. I'm usually the only one in the office during this time. So I'm just here busy working, and guess who goes in. It's my ex. He goes to his cube and he's talking, like there was somebody with him. And then that somebody spoke. It was a girl. They're talking about tickets so I think they're gonna watch a movie or something.

 

I walked by there, coz I just HAD to see who it is. And I have no idea who it is, but she has similarities with me. So there you go. He's dating. So much for not wanting a relationship right now.

 

I don't know what to feel. Right now, they're still at his cube. And I'm feeling numb.

[Rochelle]

I'm sorry that happened to you sweety...he's seems classless, really.

 

You deserve better. You should get out there to and try dating. Let him go, he's not worth it.

 

My ex stayed on me about not dating and always wanting to know if i was and worried that i'd say yes, but then he turned around and started dating less then a month after we broke up.

 

Sometimes they are just liers girl...get out there and have yourself a good time. You'll get past this.

 

-Rochelle

[Iarra]

Rochelle,

 

Thanks for replying. I really don't know what to think right now.

 

Well, they're gone now. And I heard them talking about getting some sushi first. Man, these were the things that we used to do. I don't know what to make of this. It seems that he just got a new version of me or something.

 

I think he didn't expect me to be here. So now that he knows that I'm here, I hope he sees what he's doing.

[Rochelle]

Sometimes when people are on the rebound, which is likely what this is...so don't take it too seriously that it will turn into something, they will find another model just like their ex. Happens all the time!

 

My ex, before falling for me, actually had a type...it was brown haired, brown eyed, small chested females....after we broke up and he started dating and rebounding, i'd see pictures of "friends" all over his myspace page that myseriously all looked like me, blonde, blue eyes w/ full chests. Hmmm....lol.

 

Well they say that typically an ex, when out of a recent relationship, will unkowingly try to "seek" you out or replace you w/ someone that looks just like you...

 

However there is only one you, unique w/ your own special personality and traits...likely this one will not measure up but she is being a temporary bandade effect for him while he's getting over you two.

 

That's why i say you should get out there and have a good time too...distract yourself, even if only w/ other girlfriends and some good laughs if you're not quite ready to date.

 

Time will pass, you will show him you don't and aren't paying attention to what he's doing and the mystery of you will return again. But you have to go away (i know you work together but you can still seem to "go away" in a stronger emotional way by being happy and not going out of your way to say hi to him but not being obvious in snubbing him too coz that looks obvious and desperate too....just fix yourself up (maybe a nice hair cut, or subtle highlights, some new makeup, new skirt, couple new soft, feminine tops, paint those toes and get some new open-toe pumps...things that will help you not only build up your self-esteem but might even get his attention).

 

I know it hurts and it crushes you when you are faced w/ something like that...you busy yourself w/ your own life, friends and fix yourself up a bit, you'll have a whole new attitude and the confidence will be very attractive and noticed by more then just him, which will also help your self-esteem and get him feeling a bit threatened! Afterall he expects you to be pouting and feeling depressed over him...mine did...and it blew his mind when he found out i wasn't sitting at home anymore...I was starting to get out there and i wasn't waiting around for his call...and he knows that i'm going out w/ genuine people too and not fake "friends" like he was...and now that he's burnt out, he's looking at me to comfort him, and i'm not around...too bad!!!

 

Good luck hon....keep that chin up! Your better then him!

[Iarra]

You're right. This is most likely a rebound.

 

Time will pass, you will show him you don't and aren't paying attention to what he's doing and the mystery of you will return again. But you have to go away (i know you work together but you can still seem to "go away" in a stronger emotional way by being happy and not going out of your way to say hi to him but not being obvious in snubbing him too coz that looks obvious and desperate too....just fix yourself up (maybe a nice hair cut, or subtle highlights, some new makeup, new skirt, couple new soft, feminine tops, paint those toes and get some new open-toe pumps...things that will help you not only build up your self-esteem but might even get his attention).

 

This is exactly what I've been doing the past two months. Some of my co-workers have commented on how my arms look good (I've been working out ) and now I'm showing them off hehe. I've gotten looks from him (usually at least once a day) when I pass by his desk.

 

I know it hurts and it crushes you when you are faced w/ something like that...you busy yourself w/ your own life, friends and fix yourself up a bit, you'll have a whole new attitude and the confidence will be very attractive and noticed by more then just him, which will also help your self-esteem and get him feeling a bit threatened! Afterall he expects you to be pouting and feeling depressed over him...mine did...

 

So far, I've been doing so well in not showing him how affected I was by him. This latest incident won't change how I act towards him, but it would change how I look at him, that's for sure. Talk about reality check.

 

Right now, I'm just feeling all sorts of emotions. I've got to sort all these things out later when I get home.

 

Thanks again.

[alwaysthegirlfriend]

i'm sorry you had to hear him and that other girl make plans and then see them leave. it was numbing cause i guess it hit you that he is now dating and you feel that you haven't moved on.

 

but you know you have moved on it's just now you have confirmation that he has moved. just because he is taking this girl out to sushi and do things that you have done doesn't mean you can't enjoy the same things.

 

i'm sure there will be a guy who will take you to the same places and take you on dates. he is probably just trying to throw it in your face and don't give the satisfaction.

 

you will find a better guy dont' worry. just ignore him

[Iarra]

Thanks, alwaysthegirlfriend.

 

To be fair, I don't think he was trying to throw it in my face, since he wouldn't know that I'd be working today. But it still hurts. One thing that's a comfort for me is that he probably thought, "Oh sh**. She's here"

 

I've already had a good cry when I got home, and I was able to vent to one of my girlfriends, so I feel better now. I'm still majorly pissed. But because of this, the chances of us getting back together is now SLIM to NONE.

 

A few weeks ago, I checked the forum that he goes to just to see any indication that he has a girl, thinking that it would help me move on. What I found then didn't help me. And now I had this encounter. I got what I was looking for.

 

That's it. I've had enough of pining over him, thinking how great this guy is. What he said about wanting time for himself is pure BS, and I'm not taking any of it anymore. Adios, amigo.

[Iarra]

I didn't sleep well at all last night. I'm feeling angry and sad. A part of me wanted to contact him. It's probably just panic. But I won't. I'm just really pissed off that he didn't even think of sending "feelers" to see if I'm still up to going out with him, now that he has time. Aargh!

[alwaysthegirlfriend]

good girl !

 

no more pining it's time that you let go of all the bs he said because he probably said it just to get into your pants.

 

i think the encounter just pushed you over the edge to move on.

just remember everytime you start remembering how great this guy is you remind yourself of how hurt you felt when you heard him talking over plans with that he never confronted you or told you that he has moved on. instead you had to find out from overhearing.

[detox5]

Hello I hope a guy is welcome here

 

My approach would be anger for this, I know that in the past feeling bad about myself and this and that never helped, but being angry about it, the fact that being messed around and the other occupent not having respect for my feelings.

 

well this is was the courage and motivation I needed, it made me angry and for a good cause, I think anger was much better for me then being sad, it seems stronger.

 

It kind of lets you have a negative aspect on the other person, and it helps you not miss them and get over them better.

 

If you hear about him going out with someone else, dont be down about it or sad, well try not to, I think your attitude should be, "ohh do what you fooking like, I dont care, im going out with girls friday nite, the hell with guys".

 

I think I got to the point that I was soo fed up of being hurt and being in that seat of thinking about all the bs and stuff, that I totally cut the opposite sex out of my mind, to give myself peace, it worked great, im only suggesting this because escape in your own mind from your circumstance can be really hard at times no matter what you do

[Iarra]

detox5,

 

Of course guys are welcome here! Hearing these things from a guy helps, actually.

 

I know that we are broken up, and he's free to see whomever he wants. But it just sucks to actually see it with your own eyes just after two months, you know? Yeah, I was upset and mad, and it did help. Because now I'm starting to see him as not such a nice guy after all.

 

If you hear about him going out with someone else, dont be down about it or sad, well try not to, I think your attitude should be, "ohh do what you fooking like, I dont care, im going out with girls friday nite, the hell with guys".

 

Hehe. I know not all guys are like this, but yeah I don't feel like seeing anyone right now. I got asked out for coffee a couple of weeks ago, but I'm not really into it, so I'm just gonna enjoy my singlehood for now.

 

You know what? The attitude that I have right now is, "He's her problem now" LOL

 

I still have that lump in my throat, and I woke up earlier than usual today (still feeling anxious, I guess). It'll probably take some more time before I'm totally ok with it, but I'm getting there.

 

I still have some of his stuff at my place. As soon as I get over this anger (maybe this week or next), I think I'm ready to contact him and dump the rest of his things at his desk. Yes, I still have feelings (which is why it hurt so much), but I'm starting not to care, so I think I'm going on the right track.

 

Thanks for the support guys. I really appreciate it.

[detox5]

Glad to see your staying possitive.

 

Let us know how it goes

[alwaysthegirlfriend]

it's great you are taking this as a positive. just remember the next time he wants to hang out just say no cause you know he is probably asking you because no one else will be with him.

 

i still think now that you are realizing this guy isn't as nice as you thought you will start to look back on the type of person he really is.

 

once you really have to come to that realization it will make you way stronger and you will not even want this guy in your life. i'm sure you will find wa better in time.

[Iarra]

it's great you are taking this as a positive. just remember the next time he wants to hang out just say no cause you know he is probably asking you because no one else will be with him.

 

Well, I don't think that's gonna be a problem of his coz he gets hit on by girls all the time.

 

i still think now that you are realizing this guy isn't as nice as you thought you will start to look back on the type of person he really is.

 

Some of the things I said were said out of anger. Now that I have calmed down a bit, he did treat me well when we were together. I don't regret being with him. Yes, I still have feelings for him (which means that a teeny tiny part of me that's still hoping to have him back), but I have accepted what happened. I don't want to walk away from this relationship with some bitterness.

 

once you really have to come to that realization it will make you way stronger and you will not even want this guy in your life. i'm sure you will find wa better in time.

 

I AM looking forward to the day when I wouldn't want him back. I guess I'm just not there yet.

 

Anyway, I forgot to mention something else that happened last Saturday that I found weird. After they left the office, my ex came back a few minutes later. Alone. He used his computer for a while and printed something (those d*mn tickets). He went out again, then came back. He went over to get what he printed, then left. So during this time, I was wondering where the girl was. What do you think, guys? Weird, huh?

 

Yesterday, he passed by my desk three times, which he doesn't need to do since there's another door that's closer to his desk. I still don't feel like talking to him though. I think I'll let him wallow in his guilt for a bit

 

And since I was still a bit pissed off yesterday, I decided to use all that aggressive energy for something useful. I took up kungfu lessons It was something that I was planning to do next month. I called the Kungfu Institute yesterday, and the Master told me I could have a trial lesson that day. I wasn't totally prepared to do it yesterday, but the heck? I might as well. I've done martial arts before, but never kungfu, and I'm proud to say that I didn't gloriously suck. Just a little bit. I twirled this long stick around for a while, and I kept hitting myself LOL How intimidating is that? But then again, that might be helpful coz my opponents might just die laughing.

 

BUT I found out that I'm pretty good with the nunchuks I think I've found my weapon of choice hehe.

[Clabs]

Hey Iara!

 

That is a great bit of attitude there honey. It will still suck for a bit but hey - you have faced your fears and seen him seeing someone else - that is a hard one to get over but as you say - he is her problem now!

 

I loved that about the kungfu stuff - and you keep hitting yourself - well funny. It is great when you get to the point where you can laugh at yourself!

 

Keep going hun - onwards and upwards!

 

Mark

[alwaysthegirlfriend]

for now you will kill your opponents with laugther but once you get better they better watch out for your skillz.... lol

 

that was a great way to take out your anger. you put it towards something positive and sometime for yourself.

 

i know the time has not come yet and you are still missing this guy. and you can tell he is missing you if he keeps trying to sneak a peek at you buy passing by 3 times a day. just ignore him. hehehe an evil idea would be to send flowers to yourself at work and mark it from another guy. sometime big and showy to make him jealous making sure that there is a person who hand delivers it.... just an idea

 

you can make him jealous but in return you get flowers that are beautiful and for you.

 

Kungfu sounds great.. keep it up

[rosie76]

Hey Iarra,

 

Brilliant stuff with the kungfu! Have been wondering how your week was going and am glad to hear you're keeping your chin up.

 

Also happy that you're hoping to come out of it without bitterness. I understand what detox5 was saying about anger, and sometimes think I'd be better off if I were angry a bit more often, but fundamentally unless you _know_ you've been treated badly, I feel you're better off being able to remember that you were genuinely loved during the time you were together. But if that doesn't work for you, by all means grab the nunchucks!

 

Cheers,

rosie

[Iarra]

A little update. He was talking on the phone yesterday, and I overheard him say that he's gonna be gone for the whole month of September. When we were still together, he told me that one of his goals is to go travelling, so it seems he's doing just that.

 

He looked up at me yesterday as I passed by his desk, but I wish that he would make some sort of effort to let me know that he still cares. But knowing him, he's probably thinking that he would hurt me more if he initiates any contact, especially after what happened last weekend.

 

I still do have feelings for him, but I really want/have to let go now. I had the urge to contact him yesterday. I guess I just wanted to let him know that there are no hard feelings and to wish him well. But Rosie and a girlfriend of mine convinced me that it's not a good idea.

 

He didn't come in to work, so I'm thinking his vacation has probably already started. I'm just feeling incredible sadness right now. I'm doing ok in terms of keeping busy and doing the things that I want to do, but I'm still feeling this emptiness inside. It sucks that I'm no longer part of his life.