should i join the club?

[mintblossom]

There is this club at school that I want to join. My current guy...err...bf...not used to calling him this......had the misfortune of telling me his exgf was in that club and she loved it.....

 

We had a fight over this because I was really mad. I didn't know and didn't really want to know.

 

Anyways, should I go ahead and join the club? I don't particularly want to meet her, know her, or associate with her. But I do want to join the club because it looks like fun and it seems like a shame to let something like this stop me.

 

I know which one she is and I find her unattractive. But I want to join the club........I just don't want to look at her.

[Meow18]

Well, if she's a member of that club, then you will have to get over your issues with her.

 

It would not be fair to join a club you know she is a part of and then make it miserable for the both of you.

 

Can I ask what the club is? And if you join, would you have to see a lot of her and associate with her?

[DN]

Why did you get mad at him because his ex is a member of that club - are you jealous of her for some reason? - I don't understand.

[Lana0120]

If you want to join the club - join it. Don't let the fact that the current girlfriend is in the club influence your decision. Think of joining it as part of moving on.

[mintblossom]

Well, he dated her like a month before we went out. I DID NOT know this. He only dated her for about a month and a half though. Thank god.

 

I told him very clearly when I first met him that I don't like guys who have emotional baggage with exes, who might be rebounding etc. I just don't like it and don't want to be apart of messy emotional business. Plus he told me that his best friend just got out of a relationship with a girl he loved and his best friend was heartbroken. But it seems like his best friend immediately jumped into dating another girl......and that kind of made me wonder if he was the same.

 

I am barely healthy emotionally and mentally for the first time in my life in years and I can't afford to get involved in anything like that. It makes me feel threatened, afraid, and insecure - not what I need.

 

Well, he did not tell me he had an ex from a month ago so I was not aware of this. In fact, he said it was about three months ago....the timeline was not clear to me. Then I found out that the week we started dating, he had contacted her to meet up with her to return her things and to have lunch and try to be friends and to get closure.

 

Needless to say, I was not happy and did not feel fine.

 

I am reasonable about a lot of things but there are certain boundaries that I feel very sensitive and touchy about. And I don't need anyone telling me differently.

 

We did get over our fight and resolved it so it's not an issue I will bring up to him again. However, I must admit, when I think about it, I still feel uncomfortable and see quite a bit of red. Plus I feel jealous and pissed off. I feel insulted that she is not very pretty and is fat....makes me question his taste. However, I suppose, if she was really pretty, I would feel even worse.

 

I think I am prettier. And this does matter because I know for sure girls compete on looks - whether they admit it or not. We girls always know which girl we are prettier or not as pretty as. It's instincitve.

 

Hopefully it's a big enough club. I think it has like 300 members though I don't know how often most show up.

[Lana0120]

The trouble is though mintblossom... where does it stop. You don't join a club because of her... maybe there will be other things that you don't do because of her or another ex. I think the point we're all making is that you have to live your life as you would live it if you hadn't met your ex. Besides, you might find that she's nice if you get to know her.

[DN]

If you think he is still hung up on his ex that is one thing - but I would make certain he is before jumping to conclusions.

 

But most people will have exes - it doesn't mean they have a whole lot of baggage that will affect a new relationship in a bad way.

[Meow18]

If you are so sensitive about it, then I would advise not joining. If you can't even handle knowing that they had something, then being reminded of it everytime you see her will not help your situation.

 

And maybe it makes you feel better that she is fatter and uglier than you, but she obviously has good things about her too. So, it is kind of shallow of you to be insulted just because he saw something in her, wouldn't you say?

[ghost69]

join the club. act like you have no idea who she is. chances are she doesn't know you. unless there is a club rule like 'no ex and current gfs from the same guy can be in the club at the same time.'