really upset and not quite sure what to do

[TeenGirl]

earlier in the week (i made a post thing about it) my boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me kinda out of the blue and said that i had lied to him and blah blah blah. if you want more background i think the post is titled "helllllp" or something. anyway, hes been making me feel like about everything that happened and then today my friend showed me these pictures from about a month ago (when we were still together) of him in a hot tub making out with these girls. it turns out he was cheating on me when he would always tell me he wasnt even hanging out with girls and would always accuse me of cheating and get mad at me when i wasnt doing that at all.

 

so i jsut wanted to know like should i say something to him about it or should i just let it be? because im really upset about this and not quite sure how to handle it.

 

Love,

Lauryn

[Lana0120]

I could understand if you did want to say something, but I'd say let it be. He's not worth wasting any more of your time on - and if you do say anything to him, it'll be an ego trip for him, that he still matters enough for you to bring it up. *hugs*

[HappyAsALark]

Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing that this bothers you. If he did this to you, he is not worth your time. Most people that are constantly accusing their SO of cheating, is cheating themselves and knows it can be done. You should have the satisfaction of knowing that you can now move on with your life and meet someone better. He is not worth your time. I know you are hurting and I know it is not a good feeling. But with time it will all heal.

[TeenGirl]

thanks you guys

[Lana0120]

Anytime. *hugs*

[Samedy]

Even though it would probably be easier and in the short term feel good, it is probably best to leave it be. All confronting him will do is bring him back into your life, where it is apparent he is the kind of person you shouldn't want any part of.

[Meow18]

Do you still talk to him? How does he get a chance to make you feel bad?

 

I could understand why you would want to call him out on what he did. But he's just not even worth your time. He knows what he did, he knows he cheated on you, so really, what would you telling him do?

 

All you can hope for is that he learns his lesson and doesn't do this to another girl, but chances are he will. Just be happy that he's not your problem anymore.

 

Can I ask though, what made him suspicious that you lied to him? And did you?

[TeenGirl]

Can I ask though, what made him suspicious that you lied to him? And did you?

 

im not sure what made him suspicious...maybe he just thought that since he was doing it i was too. like hed get really mad at me for things that never even happened he was just really over protective. the reason he broke up with me was cuz he thought that i lied to him about a bunch of random stuff that like was totally stupid and i didnt lie about. it all just came as a really big surprise.

[Clabs]

Hey Lauryn

 

I am sorry you found out he was cheating - ouch.

 

You have been given some fantastic advice here. Don't confront the jerk because if you do, it will only likely upset you and the satisfaction that you gain from it will be very very short in deed.

 

Why is he blaming you for this stuff? In a word - guilt. He is trying to pish some of his guilt onto you to make him feel better - what a class act!

 

Leave this jerk alone and find yourself someone who does appreciate you.

 

Mark

[detox5]

Christ clabs, with a smile like you have there, your a gorgeous little thing, your ex MUST be out of his god damn mind

 

What I was gonna say was that did you ever stop to think that he called you a liar for watever bs reason so that it would make HIM feel better about what he just did or what he did do, I guess so he could sleep at nite so he could say ohh well I didnt trust you so I did that.

 

What an idiot.

 

Another thing if he is in the hot tub or watever with these slutty girls, they arent gonna show him respect or themselfs, and guess what it wont be long until he really realises how much of a bad thing he did AND the fact that he took your loyaltie and love for granted.

 

But by then, you will be dating some wonderful guy thats just full of possitive energy, full of charm and full of ambition and before you know it you will see him out and be like ohh I used to know that idiot, and you will turn around and go, WOW I havent thought about that guy for over 2 months how funny is that ,and at one point he was the most important thing in my life.

 

Serious hun, guys like him will come running because what he had with you, he no longer gets with anyone else, but he was dumb to go off in the first place.

[TeenGirl]

thank you for your advice and compliments. its just like he knows exactly how to upset me and he does it and he knows it will put me into a depression because im bipolar. im just having a really hard time with all of this and other stuff going on at the same time as well. im trying to keep busy all the time with friends and volleyball and cheer but i keep running into him and every time i see him or even think about him i get sad. i dont know how to make that stop and its really frustrating.

 

Love,

Lauryn

[detox5]

Hun everytime you think of him, email me, everytime your down IM me.

 

Im ALLL ears for wonderful people like you.

 

YOu have the kind of eyes that when walking into the room, you really light it up.

 

Another thing, why not use your weaknesses as strengths?

 

If you say you bump into him every time, and he KNOWS he upsets you, why dont you just make it your ambition to push this energy around.

 

Jump in at the deep end and REALLY get on HIS nerves, how?

 

Well when you see him smile but never outstay your welcome, OR give him the time of day.

 

I dont care how much it hurts, NEVER SHOW IT, because then he will love that.

 

If you are soo chilled out and show you really dont care what hes doing, you will see a different side to him.

 

If he is with a girl, Bite your lip, go up to them, have the most WONDERFUL smile on your face that you currently posses and just be like hey hgow are you whose this, ohh nice to meet you

 

well anyways, I gotta go, have fun you too.

 

Im telling you, turn the situation around, I think control in yourself is so much more powerful and stronger than you think.

 

Instead of feeling sad when you see him, enlighten that picture with possitive, when you see him smile, and say hi how are you, do not put negative on it, just possitive, this way you are never fearing to see him, and soon enough you wont care.

 

It's the best way of controlling your emotions, I know I tried everything to get control back of my own mind.

 

Another thing by you saying hi to him, its on YOUR terms, YOUR in control of yourself and what you do, you choose to say hi to him. YOU choose to smile, if you are down and look miserable, it is him doing that to you.

 

Take control back hun.

 

I got all the time in the world for you if you need a talk

[TeenGirl]

thanks sooo much!

but like he hangs out with onlu girls he knows i cant stand and that really hurts my feelings. today at school he asked this girl that i hate to homecoming which is weird because its not even until like october AND he asked her right in front of me and kissed her on the cheek and looks over at me with a like evil smile. right now im trying so hard to control my rage because i have a bad problem with my anger like i lash out and yell and its not good (comes from being half italian and half irish i guess!).

 

and i want to sort of give back what he dishes out to me but i just feel really wrong doing that for some reason, like, he sends me pictures to my phone of girls i dont like giving him blow jobs and making out with them and i cant imagine doing that to anyone with the sole purpose of hurting them. hes just like psycho i dont even know what to do. do any of you have suggestions?

 

im sure this all sounds like really stupid high school drama and it is for the most part but its something im really struggling to deal with and any help or advice is appreciated. thanks.

 

Love,

Lauryn

[JadedStar]

Hun everytime you think of him, email me, everytime your down IM me.

 

Im ALLL ears for wonderful people like you.

 

YOu have the kind of eyes that when walking into the room, you really light it up.

 

 

IM you? Wow this isn't a dating site.

 

But anyhow, to the OP, you deserve more than he was able to give. Please just move on and don't even bother confronting him. that is not going to really give you the comfort you need, and he'll likely turn it all around on you again.

 

Just take the good times you two had and remember that, but move on and find someone who will appreciate you as they should.

[TeenGirl]

i guess your right but i still love him as much as when we were going out and i dunno why. he just sent me a text message that said "u let us die" and ive been crying a lot tonight and i feel really pathetic right about now. i hate this.

[Clabs]

Hey TG

 

So sorry you feel down at the moment. You will do and it sucks and hurts like hell. But - you will get through this and come out the other side an even better person.

 

Messages like that do bring you down but just try to ignore them. He is just trying to push his guilt off onto you -make him feel better and you feel bad - what a nice guy!

 

Take care of yourself honey.

 

Mark

[TeenGirl]

so heres where im at today...

 

last night and this morning i just had to tell him to stop. i told him theres probably no way wed ever get back together because he sort of hinted that he wanted to and even though i wanted to take him back soooo bad i just couldnt allow myself to do it. then this morning we kinda decided we werent gonna talk anymore, but sure enough a few minutes later i get a text from him saying "i wish i could join the army because i really wouldnt care if i died right now" and i told him thats how hes been making me feel and he felt pretty bad about it. i told him not to do anything stupid because hes too important to everyone in his life blah blah blah and he just told me he loved me and i said i loved him too but i just couldnt go on with him even though i do still love him a lot. so he was pretty sad all day and texting me telling me he was sad and stuff and then after school hes like quoting love songs and stuff and i felt pretty bad. then he says "im gonna warn u...im about to get mad at u" and so i told him if u feel like that then please dont talk to me because i already feel like * * * * and dont want to be reminded of it. i havent heard from him since (this was about 2 hours ago) and ill most likely hear from him about what a terrible person i am before the day is up.

 

so i felt a lotttt better when i thought we werent talking anymore but then the tables totally turned when he started feeling bad and now i feel bad again. i want him out of my life because i just cant handle this anymore...he has total control over my emotions and i relied on him for so much and i still love him but i just cant have him in my life anymore. the problem is that like hes not the type of person that would commit suicide but im just constantly worried that he will for some reason and it would literally ruin my life if he did it because of me. do any of u reading this think he will or is he just being like this for a little while because he had a major realization? im really really paranoid about this right now and i just want to know your thoughts. thank u.

 

Love,

Lauryn

[TeenGirl]

also, whenever i talked about suicide which was sometimes because ive tried to kill myself before due to the fact that im bipolar hes always said it was really stupid and that hed never do it but im still just freaking out someone please answer this.

 

love,

lauryn

[Clabs]

Hey Lauryn

 

You need to just ignore this loser- he will do nothing but bring you down.

 

Please don't do anything to hurt your beautiful self honey. He only has control while you allow it - you are your own boss. Take back the reins - steer yourself clear of this a-hole. Stop worrying what he says he is going to do - he says it to get you this way and you allow it to happen.

 

Stop talking to him - period. Ignore any form of contact from him and get yourself busy. You deserve so much better than this pr1ck and the sooner you realise that the better.

 

Come on honey - we can help you but you have to start helping yourself too!

 

Mark

[JUSTBLUE]

Hey hun...

 

He knows what buttons to push with you.

He knows u love him.

..He knows that if he plays on any of this it will get u to react...and it will give him attention.

He NEEDS u in his life, as so far u have been easy control.

 

U've come here to talk and get the support u need and its makin u stronger u keepin focused as hard as it is ...i kno!..

 

Do not be so hard on urself if u feel urself overcome by ur loving feelings for him.

 

Hes very manipuating and controlling but just remember THAT ITS YOU THAT CONTROLS YOU HUN...

You are WAY ahead of this guy...and HE knows this.

 

You know in your head u have done nothing wrong but treat this guy with love the whole time..so whateva happens atleast you KNOW THIS.

 

Maybe He has alot of unresovled issues/feelings from his past...that he feels he cant control.

 

His only outet for control is to have it over you.

 

Keep strong and slowly but surely u wil get stronger and make your way thru this.

[TeenGirl]

thanks for all the advice guys. im glad my friend told me about this place on here.

 

so right now we havent really been talking much and it feels rrreeeeaallllyyyy good and im pretty much positive he wont kill himself or anything. so im doin good...gettin ready to cheer at the football game tonight. hell be there playing so im gonna see him...hopefully it goes well. what do i do if he approaches me? because im almost certain he will...

 

Love,

Lauryn

[Clabs]

Hey Lauryn!

 

Just be your beautiful self, darling - act cool and do your stuff - cheer the best you ever cheered!

 

If he approaches you - shoulders back, head up, BIG smile, let him talk. If he says anything nasty, walk away. If you say anything, keep it short and sweet. Don't blurt a whole bunch of stuff out before thinking.

 

So far as his "killing himself" comment - ignore it. People say that to get a reaction - I think I even said it when I was your age and I am still around. It must have sounded pretty pathetic back then!

 

You will be fine without him - you will be better without him. Keep strong and keep positive.

 

Mark

[TeenGirl]

thanks so much clabs.

 

so heres what happened:

at the football game he waved and i waved back and that was that. then later there was a big party because we won and im there having a good time and i get a text from him saying "hey what are u doing" because he wasnt at the party for some reason and i write back that im at the party. i didnt get one back for about a half hour so i write him another one asking what hes doing and why hes not here and he sends one back "dont f-ing talk to me have fun hooking up" and i tell him im not hooking up and to chill and he sends another back "how can u leave me behind like that." so i was a little confused and i didnt respond but then i get another saying "say hi to the guys there that are apparently better than me i dont get how u can deny me" so i send one back saying "do u want me to sit at home and cry about u more because ive already done that and im * * * *ing finished with it" and he says "i just want u to be with me" and i didnt respond again because i actually wanted to have fun and i get another one saying "goodnight heartbreaker."

 

so in short, i think all of u are right when u say hes EXTREMELY manipulative. im honestly really sick of him and the amount of control he has over me. thanks for helping me come to realize this u guys.

 

Love,

Lauryn

[Clabs]

Hey Lauryn!

 

This is good - really, really good!

 

God - he really is on a major guilt trip - what a jerk. I am so glad you are seeing though this - he has major issues and is absolutely no good to you whatsoever.

 

Get on with your life and leave him behind - you will soon find someone who does treat you with the love and respect that you deserve - someone who goes out of their way to make you feel special, and not someone who goes out of their way to bring you down.

 

You can do this - you really can.

 

Mark

[TeenGirl]

Hey Lauryn!

 

This is good - really, really good!

 

God - he really is on a major guilt trip - what a jerk. I am so glad you are seeing though this - he has major issues and is absolutely no good to you whatsoever.

 

Get on with your life and leave him behind - you will soon find someone who does treat you with the love and respect that you deserve - someone who goes out of their way to make you feel special, and not someone who goes out of their way to bring you down.

 

You can do this - you really can.

 

Mark

 

thanks again.

 

when we were going out he seemed perfect but now looking back on it he was really over protective and would hurt me emotionally sometimes just so he could be the one to pick me up again and i would think he was God or something and that i needed him. it worked....very well. these are a lot of the characteristics that my some of my boyfriends before him had except those guys would resort to physical violence against me. im thinking of telling him that even though he never actually hit me or anything that hes more or less the same as them because of the way that he mentally abuses me. should i tell him or just leave it out? id really like him to know but i dont wanna start anything else.

 

Love,

Lauryn