Still Feels Like We Are A Couple

[redhotchilipepper]

Hi there...this is my first post on this board but before I start I just wanted to say Hi to everyone out there...

 

The problem I have is basically me and the ex have dated for almost 3 years and then before the break up we started to always have different opinions on stuff we always used to agree on...lots of arguing and the trust started slipping away from the relationship. We both decided that it would be a good idea to take a break from eachother and be friends to see what would happen. Everything was working out great until she met a guy on the internet and started going out with him. He asked her out and she said yes right away and told me she really like this guy alot. I was very upset because she told me just before that she wasnt interested in dating anyone. That only lasted for 3 months and she called me one day and begged me to take her back. I agreed everything was going great for a while and then the same thing happened...she wanted a break but this time I told her I was done and couldnt deal with her mood swings.

 

But the thing is everytime we see eachother we still act like we are dating...ie holding hands...kissing and having sex aswell...and when I ask her what is going on she sais we are just friends. It really irritates me because I still feel like we are a couple but when she tells me she is going on other dates with other men I get very upset and confused. Its so hard to just turn away from all of the love and intimacy we share together. Im not sure where this is heading but I just wanted some advice on what the best thing to do would be.

[Rochelle]

My opinion is you need to cut it off. She is still coming around and acting lovey-dovey becuase it is familiar. Her dating and such is a new experience and can waiver between frightening and exciting.

 

But then she can come back and have sex and hold hands and get the intimacy from you and will probably keep doing this until she finds someone else and/or gets over you and just drifts off.

 

IT's not emotionally healthy for you becuase it keeps you hooked and confused and not moving on yourself so that you can open up possibilities w/ other women.

 

She's not detaching, you're allowing becuase it's doing something for you too, but someone has to call it what it is....Friends w/ bene's.

 

If it's too hurtful, which i don't see how it's not...one always still desires the relatioinship while the other is getting thier basic needs met until they move on, then you need to explain to her that this is too confusing and unhealthy, you need to heal and move on, and it would be to your benefit to just go NC w/ eachother for a time so you can both detach (plus seeing eachother and being just "friends" is still going to lead you back into the bedroom).

 

Doesn't sound like there is any hope for the relationship at this point, and you know it too.

 

Good luck.

[Hope75]

I think that you need to establish some boundaries. You also send her mixed messages when you have sex with her, kiss her and cuddle her despite the fact that she does not want to commit to you and wants to be able to see other people.

 

If you are not OK with that, and want more from her (and it sounds like you do), then you need to put a stop to the blurry line between 'friendship' and 'relationship' that you have helped to create.

 

Let her feel the consequence of breaking up with you- and what her choice to not be with you is really going to be like.

 

She sounds very confused, and you are not helping the situation by allowing her to get what she wants from you when she wants it, without any of the real work of a relationship.

[p_fred]

Cut her off.

 

If she is dating other guys and sleeping with you... How do you think the other guys would feel? How would you feel in their shoes? They are investing time with her and she is getting sex on the side? This isn't a healthy person to be with. I feel sorry for the guys that are dating her.

 

She probably thinks there is nothing wrong with doing this and you are letting her get away with it. If there are no reprecusions for her actions then why not do it?

 

She is has her full cake and being served extra pieces to eat at the same time. Lucky for her.

 

Hopefully she isn't sleeping with these other guys too.

[alwaysthegirlfriend]

it seems to me like you are tired of "being friends" in other views people would consider what you are doing to be "f buddies"

 

this may be harsh but i think your girl seems like she does want you as a part time boyfriend while she is shopping around and checking out her other options.

 

i know it's hard to turn away when the intimacy happens maybe because part of you wants to win her back and show her wha she is missing. but it sounds like she does know what she wants. she is shopping around to see if something else better comes along.

 

from reading what you posted i think you already know what you want.

 

when you are ready you already expressed what you are feeling on your post. you need to tell her that you are tired of just "being friends" and want to be in a real relationship. and if she is not ready for that they i think it's best to cut her off.

 

i've been in your position before and we took a break and were "friends" then after a couple months of "friends" i ended up crying when we had sex or being really depressed cause i felt like i just wasn't good enough for him that he wanted to be in a real relationship with me. so i confronted him when i felt that way and told him I was tired of just being "friends" i wanted the title along with the relationship. and we ended up being back together. but it was a risk i had to take because i didn't know whether he wanted a relationship again. and if he didn't i would of just walked away.

 

if you are feeling like this now i think it's time that you confront her. because it only gets worse.