UK lad, terrible with girls

[UK1000]

Hi there, this is my first post, so please be gentle lol. Basically from day one ive been terrible with girls, i have no confidence what so ever and am very shy when sober lol. Im 22 years old and have never had a proper gf, ive been out dates etc, but never really found any of them gf material. Sadly i have to admit that i am a shallow person, wish i could change it but i cant. When im out and about with the lads and i see a girl who i like, i just cannot go up and talk to her for 2 main reasons, rejection and i have no idea what to say. Some days it really really gets me very down to the point of deppression. I will post a pic up of myself, but please please please dont say im just looking for compliments, you see the problem is i get complimented a bit, but i never believe them, i just think theyre just saying it to make me feel better. Ive been told im a nice guy etc, i have a good job and a nice car. I just need some help please people.

 

p.s. for some reason it wont let me post a pic????????

[Lana0120]

Hi there. First of all, I'd like to ask, what do you mean by the fact that you're shallow? Do you mean that you only ask out girls who would be considered total babes? I'm gathering that you're talking about a situation where you see a complete stranger and it's a case of asking her out, cold? Could the problem be that perhaps you need to get to know a girl a little first before you ask her out? One way would be by just getting to know people you work with, or share classes with if you're at uni.

[UK1000]

Hi there. First of all, I'd like to ask, what do you mean by the fact that you're shallow? Do you mean that you only ask out girls who would be considered total babes? I'm gathering that you're talking about a situation where you see a complete stranger and it's a case of asking her out, cold? Could the problem be that perhaps you need to get to know a girl a little first before you ask her out? One way would be by just getting to know people you work with, or share classes with if you're at uni.

 

hey, first thanx for the quick reply to answer ur questions, well ummmm not always total babes, but i do like pretty girls. Its just the actual talking to girls when out, i just cant do it so scared of rejection and being laughed at. Ummmm my job doesnt have a lot of women in it and i sont go to uni

[Lily04]

I agree with the above poster... try to get to know girls in class/club situations (clubs not being dance clubs, where most guys just try to take a girl home that night and not hope for relationship material) but clubs as in clubs of interest. Do you have any hobbies you enjoy? I joined some political clubs at my school and met friends through that... just by exploring some of my interests I would meet people. The only problem I had, which was also why I never dated much during school was lack of time!! lol... but if you make an effort, at a large (or even small) college, you should be able to culviate some acquaintances with girls, which will definitely make it easier to ask her out... trust me. Girls also appreciate when you show an actual interest in their personality and not just getting in their pants, which is what a lot of girls (including myself) assume about most guys in clubs or bars trying to pick them up.

 

So don't try so hard in the bar scene... if it's not you, then that's fine. A lot of the girls you probably think are 'gf material' probably won't even hang around there a lot except for certain occasions (i.e. bday party or whatnot..) so chances are you'll find someone in other environments. Also don't worry about your lack of experience... I'm 22 and only had one bf prior to this, when I was 19... and I told the guy I am currently dating this, and he said it's fine by him... and if I met a guy who never had any prior gfs I wouldn't view it as a big deal either. Just be confident and find a girl you like and take it from there.

[Lana0120]

Ok, well I'd say walk before you start thinking about running. If you start by just talking to them - not even thinking about asking them out - just talking and having a good time, that would be a good start. It's not easy at first, but it gets easier. Then, you can build up your confidence until one day when you're out, you feel comfortable asking them out, or for their phone number or something. Also, don't worry so much as a lot of girls find a guy who is a little bit shy with them quite attractive.

[Lana0120]

I do agree with Lily though... that girls you meet in bars/clubs are often not long-term girlfriend material though (which it sounds like you're looking for). So, maybe it would be a good idea to get involved in something outside of work and going out with your friends, which can get you meeting girls. Evening classes are not a bad way of doing it - you get a lot of older students in their thirties and forties, but you get just as many younger people in their teens and twenties.

[Lily04]

hey, first thanx for the quick reply to answer ur questions, well ummmm not always total babes, but i do like pretty girls. Its just the actual talking to girls when out, i just cant do it so scared of rejection and being laughed at. Ummmm my job doesnt have a lot of women in it and i sont go to uni

 

try to meet people through friends or clubs then. Are there any universities in the area? do you have friends that go there? try to ask them about events going on (esp. with school starting soon, there will be TONS of university parties) and meet people there. I don't see a problem with hitting on pretty girls either... you have to hit on people you find attractive right? don't lower your standards. i think you may feel u need to beacuse u have low self-esteem. I was like that as well, and actually dated a guy I didn't even find physically attractive at all.. the result was I couldn't have sex with him. I couldn't really do any sexual activity with him because it just turned me off... pretty bad. If you're not attracted to someone it doesn't mean you're being superficial it's just catering to your physical needs, which everyone has. it's perfectly normal.

 

don't be SOO random like some guys though... i.e. I was walking down the street and some guy came up to me while I was walking by (quite confidently btw... confidence i found seems to matter lol), and said "wow.... you are a very pretty girl" and looking me up and down. He wasn't even drunk... I just felt awkward and was like "Thanks." He was then like "do you live around here?" and I was like "no..." he asked if I wanted help with the city or anything and i was like 'umm no thanks..' yeah... i dunno maybe because i wasn't attracted to him i found it creepy, but in general... try to be a bit more discreet. ask her for the time and start up a convo. that way or something lol. And also what's odd now that I'm in a relationship guys are hitting on me out of no where... i was crossing the road yesterday and another guy came up to me and said he just felt the urge to tell me there was "something about me" he couldn't quite figure out and wanted to talk with me... i just raised my eyebrows and was like 'umm sure buddy...' again, if the guy struck my interest i might have been more flattered... but everyone experiences rejection... everyday. don't be so scared of it, confidence is everything =)

[UK1000]

thankyou very much for ur replys so far Its kinda like a wall i need to get over to be able to talk to an attractive girl, i find then very very intemidateing, then i go home and thing "what if"

[tylercdurden2004]

then i go home and think (sic) "what if"

 

Thats something you want to get a handle of. Living with regret is never good.

[Lily04]

honestly i know so many attractive girls who are nice and not intimidating at all. you only think that... me, for ex., i am relatively attractive (I could send you pics if u don't believe me, but a few posters here can attest... my cousin is a Gucci model and I used to model looong time ago though but it runs in the family ) but I've only had one bf and thought I was ugly for the longest time... had really bad self-esteem. so don't assume that an attractive person is perfect and won't have any issues of their own... they're human too. just talk.

[UK1000]

honestly i know so many attractive girls who are nice and not intimidating at all. you only think that... me, for ex., i am relatively attractive (I could send you pics if u don't believe me, but a few posters here can attest... my cousin is a Gucci model and I used to model looong time ago though but it runs in the family ) but I've only had one bf and thought I was ugly for the longest time... had really bad self-esteem. so don't assume that an attractive person is perfect and won't have any issues of their own... they're human too. just talk.

 

I would appriciate it if you would send me a pic. Hope that didnt sound as bad as i think it does lol

[Lana0120]

About what Lily said earlier, about only going for girls you're initially attracted to you. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, because it is disastrous to be in a relationship with someone who you aren't attracted to. However, there may be a lot of girls who may not catch your eye, but if you met them outside of the club/pub scene and got to know them, that you might find a girl who is relationship material.

 

Lily is right - you need to remember that girls will have the same insecurities as you, and just built up your confidence bit by bit, and find different ways of meeting girls so that you increase your opportunities.