mintblossom Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 sigh. it's very frustrating trying to go out there and make new friends. does everyone already have true, good, real friends already and have no time and room in their lives for new friends?? i meet people, get their contact info, chat with them, but then it seems like people aren't really interested in reciprocating. they don't bother to get my contact info or if i text them.....no real reply and no real conversation on their part. i feel frustrated mostly because i feel people aren't very friendly (even when i initiate) and that people don't reciprocate. is no one looking for new friends, looking to reciprocate, looking for new hangout buddies, looking for true friendship after childhood?? geez. just had to vent. it's frustrating and aggravating. but i guess i just have to keep on meeting more people even though i feel scared and anxious. Link to comment
MadGenius Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 That's the only way, to keep trying. I know how terrible it is, I'm in the exact same boat. I met a guy, we had alot in common, and got together really well. We were into alot of the same kinds of things, so I said, "Hey, next time you guys get together, call me up." We exchanged numbers, and everything was cool. We met a few more times (he came into my work a few times) and still got along, but he stopped showing up for a while. I called him up a few times to invite him to my gaming group. I guess he just didn't want to be friends past those couple times we talked, he never called me back or anything. Boo. Nothing to do but keep going...and it's so hard... Link to comment
LostnConfused87 Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 im going to a community college, and i feel the same. I think most people do already have good friends that they are with all the time and those groups stay as they are... i suck at meeting people though...and dont ask for their number or anything so i dont know...but i still feel that way about trying to get into a group. =/ Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 I'm too afraid to go and meet people. I'm not sure if I want more friends. I do want a boyfriend and I miss feeling loved and cared about by someone. Link to comment
MadGenius Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 College is definitely not as awesome as I was led to believe. I really dislike it. No one wants new friends. I've dropped out of two schools already because it was so depressing socially. Now I'm in a community college...I seriously considered not even going back after I passed only one class last time (due to not even showing up), but I have to keep trying. Us lonely folks just have to keep trying. If we stop making an effort, we'll never get any friends! Link to comment
dashalan Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 my whole has been been tarnished by this problem, had inot met my wife of 35 years at 17 god knows what or where i'd be, but i know one thing it seems the more you try the worse you feel,its as if they sense the need in you. Link to comment
MadGenius Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 Are you suggesting we stop trying to make friends? I don't go in acting desperate... Link to comment
x_perfect_stranger_x Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 collage and uni arent all that, people are cold and mean and unfriendly. The people Ive met from there are dishonest and are two-faced. I wish I could tell you how to make new friends but I cant because Im also in the same boat as you, but if you ever do establish a good way of meeting people, let me know Link to comment
LostnConfused87 Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 my whole has been been tarnished by this problem, had inot met my wife of 35 years at 17 god knows what or where i'd be, but i know one thing it seems the more you try the worse you feel,its as if they sense the need in you. i really do think that after a while of trying and failing it does get to you and it does show in subtle ways...it sucks... x_perfect_stranger_x ur avatar is scary... Link to comment
x_perfect_stranger_x Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 x_perfect_stranger_x ur avatar is scary... LOL yeh, its those weird dolls with the hugee eyes! Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 *hugs* I've been in exactly in that situation. I posted on this somewhere else, but can't remember where, so I'll repeat myself! It seems like when people have their little gang of friends, they aren't interested in making new friends. They're 'in' and happy, so that's that. I don't understand it at all, as like you, I'm always happy to make new friends and introduce separate friends to each other and things like that. If you turn away someone new who comes into your life, just because you already have friends, you could be turning away the best friend you'll ever have. Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 College is definitely not as awesome as I was led to believe. I really dislike it. No one wants new friends. I've dropped out of two schools already because it was so depressing socially. Now I'm in a community college...I seriously considered not even going back after I passed only one class last time (due to not even showing up), but I have to keep trying. Us lonely folks just have to keep trying. If we stop making an effort, we'll never get any friends! Same here. At school I met lots of people - it was a big central place, so a lot of people came without friends and had to start from scratch, which was in my favour. Also, people who already had friends seemed more willing to extend their social networks... Now, in higher education, people have their flatmates and their drinking buddies and that's that for them. Link to comment
Psylocke Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 Sadly this same type of problem spills over into the workplace. Once you finally get your career started there are so many cilques in the workforce it's unreal. While these people seem friendly at first, after a month or two you see the 'groups' and feel left out. I put forth my best effort for a few months but after that I became utterly exhausted in trying to be social and find my 'group'. After almost a year now I still do not fit into any of these premade groups that were created way before I arrived. I am downright disliked by a few, which doesn't matter to me. A couple of us 'misfits' banded together to form our own clicque. It was the only way we could survive. Unlike others we don't leave people out of our group. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 sigh. it's very frustrating trying to go out there and make new friends. does everyone already have true, good, real friends already and have no time and room in their lives for new friends?? i meet people, get their contact info, chat with them, but then it seems like people aren't really interested in reciprocating. they don't bother to get my contact info or if i text them.....no real reply and no real conversation on their part. i feel frustrated mostly because i feel people aren't very friendly (even when i initiate) and that people don't reciprocate. is no one looking for new friends, looking to reciprocate, looking for new hangout buddies, looking for true friendship after childhood?? geez. just had to vent. it's frustrating and aggravating. but i guess i just have to keep on meeting more people even though i feel scared and anxious. I'm 41. I've made many new friends over the last 5 years and several over the last two - in part due to a women's networking and support group I joined. I've also made new friends through volunteering, through work, through religious activities and through friends of friends who invite me, in turn to join other groups like a book club, etc. What I found was most effective in becoming frends was being a good listener, offering advice only when asked, finding ways to help the person that is also fulfilling for you so that you don't feel put upon. For example, one friend I met through that group called me early this morning because she knows I could relate to how when you're really busy at work, the last thing you need is a problem with your living arrangement. And that I would know how to advise her while keeping the emotional distance she needed in order to get back to work. I love being able to help in that way so it was a win win situation. I smile when I read posts about how after college it is impossible to make new close friends. I found that since I changed a lot in my late 20s and 30s, it was a good thing that I lost touch with certain people who didn't change in a way that was compatible with me and was able to meet new friends. It helps that I live in a major city with a huge population of single people and people in my age group, that I am very social and outgoing, and reasonably comfortable in social situations. also my job of the last 13 years involves interacting with many people in my age group and involves a lot of business-social activities. And i guess it takes a positive attitude and mindset - a cliche I know but very true. for example, I always answer the phone with a smile on my face no matter what is going on because when I was 10 years old and got my own phone line my mother told me that it was no one's fault if they called when I was in a bad mood (and back then there were no answering machines really or "screening" of calls). The smile when you answer carries over in to a lot of other social activities. also you might want to read some social etiquette books - even the old fashioned ones - or some "how to make friends" just to see if there are some good tips for how to interact with people if you are a little rusty in your social skills or need improvement like we all do. Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 Batya - you make good points, but sometimes no matter how good a listener you are, how polite and nice you are, they still don't want you as part of your group. Especially if you really want friends, as other posters have said, they seem to be able to smell it on you. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 That's true, if your "desperate" for a friendship, people can smell it a mile away and they avoid you like you've got the plague. It seems as you get older, it's harder to make friends. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 Batya - you make good points, but sometimes no matter how good a listener you are, how polite and nice you are, they still don't want you as part of your group. Especially if you really want friends, as other posters have said, they seem to be able to smell it on you. I am not talking about trying to be part of a group - I am talking about forming a friendship with one person who you might meet through a group - like volunteer work or a networking group. I am turned off by over-eagerness or desperation, but if you truly want to be a good listener and a good friend, you will put your own needs aside and not come accross as too needy. Of course, not everyone likes me and vice versa but as I've gotten older it's become easier to make friends. Also, I "lost" the whole "I want everyone who is "popular" or "cool" to like me" a number of years ago. Link to comment
KG Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 Around here it's very cliquey!!! Locals have been friends for 20 years, and won't let you into their group! Link to comment
jengh Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 Around here it's very cliquey!!! Locals have been friends for 20 years, and won't let you into their group! that's how it is where i'm from, too... (small resort town in northern michigan) I've lived in East Lansing...when i lived there, the people were rude, shallow and materialistic as a whole...i made ZERO friends... then i moved to Grand Rapids...the people here are friendly, outgoing, and VERY accepting... i think it makes a huge difference of what city you're in... both being college towns, the age group is young-ish...but idontknow what it is about this city--i made a TON of friends very fast... i lived in EL for a year..made 0 friends...i've lived in GR for 8months and my phonebook has probably 100 new contacts. Link to comment
undeniyable Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 I will be your friend!!=)....I know how it can be searching for friends...It does get frustrating, especially when you're the one making the initiative, and people don't acknowledge it...I once had a neighbor, she moved away a while ago, but we talked a lot when she was living below me...She's going to school for her doctorates degree in psychology...I would always rant and rave when talking to her...My life this, my life that...When I told her I couldn't make long-lasting friendships, she told me not to try so hard, and to let relationships form naturally. She explained to me that I wasn't going to have a connection with everyone I come accross in life....After telling me this, I actually understood that she was right...I was trying to hard, and I wasn't in my natural form when meeting people. She always had a way of making me see the light in things and to become more accepting of any crisis I was faced with. (I miss her!) When she told me that she didn't meet her good friend until she was 30, I felt more comfortable in knowing I didn't have many friends, because I know I will eventually make them. She told me that she was a loner throughout her entire life....I guess her family were never really accepting of her because she's gay, and her coworkers were the total opposite of her, so she could never make friends in the workplace... I never knew that she was the only young, gay, white, female, nonreligious person at her job until she told me...She told me every single one of her coworkers were black men who were very religious..So go figure on how she gets through her day..If she's even still there??? So yeah, she told me that friends will come and go, but that I will know when I find the right one(s). Don't get discouraged about meeting people, you'll find people who care Also, trust me on this, you're def. not the only person out there who doesn't have many friends..in fact, I believe it is just ridiculous to have more than like 2 or 3 close friends.... I too, don't have many friends, and I'm actually ok with not having many either. I'm healthy, I have myself and I've come to realize that people don't make me who I am...so, I'm def. not as desperate anymore for friends...I am perfectly content being by myself and doing things alone...I do have family, whom I am very close too, but I see them every once in a great while, because we all live in different areas...Plus, all my cousins are like my sisters anyways...and we don't always get along yeah..hang in there..alrighty... I hope this helps you...PM me sometimes..I'm always willing to talk about anything and everything when I'm on...talk to ya soon!!....=) ... Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 I am not talking about trying to be part of a group - I am talking about forming a friendship with one person who you might meet through a group - like volunteer work or a networking group. I am turned off by over-eagerness or desperation, but if you truly want to be a good listener and a good friend, you will put your own needs aside and not come accross as too needy. Of course, not everyone likes me and vice versa but as I've gotten older it's become easier to make friends. Also, I "lost" the whole "I want everyone who is "popular" or "cool" to like me" a number of years ago. To be honest, I wasn't actually talking about joining a group. I was envisaging attempts at making friends on a one to one basis, although yes, it applies even more so with groups. I am friendly, I ask people about themselves, talk about stuff in common... and they just don't want to know me. A lot of other posters have experienced this phenomenon, unfortunately. Link to comment
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