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I am 34 and VERY shy. I have never dated, all through grade school/high school I had a crush on one girl. My cousin found out I liked her when we were in 7th grade.

The next day right in class he said hey **** will you go out with ****. She said eeew no way!


I was hurt and never forgave him and got very depressed.


Now back to the future, I have been at my current job for a year and a half. Theres a 20 year old lady that comes in and buys a pack of cigarettes or a cigar every day. I fell for her the first time I seen her. But I never said a word because I was 33 at the time, now 34. We have never really spoken much just hellos and how you doing and the like. But I get all light headed and my heart goes nuts and I can hardly breath when she is in the store.


Two weeks ago she came in and bought a cigar, I know she uses it to smoke weed. I dont use the stuff, but out of nowhere I ask her when she was going to share and pointed at the cigar. She said what time you get off?


Now I never thought she would say that and I was surprised I had asked her that. My mind was going like 100 MPH thinking I cant believe I asked that, I cant believe she asked what time I got off work, I get off at 9pm and have to be back at 7am..., I just started laughing not saying another word and she left the store.


She came in the next day and didnt say much to me. I could not get her out of my mind now. She dominated my every thought. So being shy I wrote a note to her on my computer and printed it out explaining everything, how I had a cruch on her and why I laughed, etc...


I doubted I could give it to her but the next day she came in and when she was walking out the door I said wait, here this is for you and gave it to her.

I was shaking like mad for an hour after... then I was floating on air....


She came in the next day but I was on break and I could see her but she couldnt see me. I then moved to noon to 9pm shift and she didnt come in when I was working but as I was leaving for the night she was coming in the door as I was leaving. I just looked at her and kept going. I stopped outside the door and had a smoke, she came out and was walking the other way, I was watching her and she stopped, turned around, smiled, said Hi, and walked away. Now this sent me onto cloud 9... I should have went after her and talked to her but I didnt...


Well she came in the next day and smiled and said hi to me and I said hi back, then one of my co-workers who dated her mom a year ago asked her for a hug. I shut up and didnt say another word.


The day after that she came in again and he hit her up for a hug then when she left he said to me and the 3 customers in the store that he had her mom and was hoping to nail the daughter too. That pissed me off.


She came in the next day and we talked a little and thats all.


I finally told myself last night that she wasnt interested in me and to let it go so when I got home I wrote yet another note and told her I understood that she wasnt interested in me and that was OK. Then I warned her about what my co-worker said and told her I didnt want to see her hurt, yeah I know, stupid on my part. But this guy has been with over 50 girls that I know of in the year he has worked with me and from what I hear he is a abuser..

I again told her how I felt about her and how beautiful she was the day before.

I also admitted I had never smoked weed...


Well when she came in the next day I gave the note to her and she then blew me away when she told me she had just quit her job but just started a new one and as soon as she was settled into it she would hook up with me to go smoke.


That was 3 days ago.. the last 2 days the thoughts and dreams have gotten alot worse, I cant get her out of my mind. I have never felt this way before...


She has my number but I dont have hers even though in both notes I asked for hers. I think I scared her from comign back to the store and I dont know what to do now.


How do I get over her and get her out of my mind and dreams? After the first note she seemed to smile at me alot and it melted my heart. I am going

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Whoa man. Slow down.


I think you need to work on the basics. Like any skill you have to start with the foundation skills. Being able to say hello, then being able to talk to a girl for a few minutes, then being able to talk for a little longer, then being able to ask for a phone number, then being able to ask her on a date etc etc.


You get the point. It seems to me you are putting the cart before the horse. With this girl you mention she smokes dope but you dont. Could that get in the way of a healthy relationship?


I think you need to slow things down and do some self talking and telling yourself "one step at a time". You dont know these girls and for all you know they could be Charles Mansons daughters. But you are putting them on a pedestal.


The girl in grade 7 may have said "ewww" because your cousin put her on the spot and embarrassed her. At that age her embarrassment may have caused her to have a typical girly reactions towards boys who have cooties. She may have very well liked you but was too embarrassed to publicly anounce that.


One idea for over coming shyness around women that I have seen is to make a committment to yourself to go out and say "Hello" to X amount of women in X amount of time. EG Making a committment to say Hello to 20 girls in the next week. Say hi to every girl you see walking down the street. After a while you will see its not so bad.

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