bubblyblonde11 Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 probably the drinking while out with my friend mixed in with the fact I had to update her on the goings on and why I split then looking at pics of him and me/him when I got in still drinking wine. I know I know I shouldn't have. I still don;t want him back, I just miss someone, you know that last phone call of the night, someone to cuddle and make love to in bed. Oh I donno, I do miss the good side of my ex but know totally in my heart it was just never gonna be, and he was def not the one for me. Why would anyone dump me, I have a great personatlity, I am a good laugh, love life (most of the time), like to go out, like to stay in, take an interest in the other halfs hobbies/friends/family, help when I can, care about them, look great, have fit body and love sex - jesus for any of my faults surely someone would be able to see all the great they were getting. Really I think I am a great catch I really do, all I have put on link removed is all true I love sports, sports cars, top gear, playing golf & pool, going to new places as well as all the above. OMG what more does one have to be??? Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 I just miss someone, you know that last phone call of the night, someone to cuddle and make love to in bed. Awww... I know that exact feeling, and I get it too (thank god not lately) but I have had it alot, specially after drinking... You just either need to find that new special someone (who is worth it) or just be content with yourself for now like I am doing. Just enjoying being single, and by this I mean not having anyone to answer to whatsoever. Link to comment
AngelEyez Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 Turning to alcohol after a break-up is a very bad idea. I know this as well, considering I was also on anti-depressants while drinking and thinking of my ex-boyfriend. A very bad combo. Anyways, the state you're in right now will definitely pass. You're fresh from a break-up and you miss "someone". Heck, it's been about 6 months since my ex-boyfriend broke up with me and I'm getting very lonely. But I try to surround myself with good friends. I try to get my mind off everything and get to know new people (maybe a potential boyfriend). Recently I've found a very close friend. I actually knew him since we were like 5 years old, but we really didn't keep in touch that much. My friendship with him saved my life. For now, try not looking for a boyfriend, but enjoy the time spent with your close friends. I'm not really a fan of "family time", but if you have decent folks/brothers/sisters, you can spend time with them too. Do something good for yourself. Don't spend your time being sad because we only live once. Live for yourself. Link to comment
bubblyblonde11 Posted August 25, 2007 Author Share Posted August 25, 2007 Awww... I know that exact feeling, and I get it too (thank god not lately) but I have had it alot, specially after drinking... You just either need to find that new special someone (who is worth it) or just be content with yourself for now like I am doing. Just enjoying being single, and by this I mean not having anyone to answer to whatsoever. I know what your saying is so right and 95% of the time being single is just fine, but its that other 5% that gets me down. I feel so unloved at these low times, so unworthy although at the same time know I am pretty great. Its alot of very mixed emotiions and feelings. I just wants someone that will accept me warts n all, ( btw I don;t have actual warts lol) Feeling so so low Link to comment
bubblyblonde11 Posted August 25, 2007 Author Share Posted August 25, 2007 This is the thing though sweets,I have kept bust spent time on myself, time with family, time with friends, time down the gym....just every now and again it comes back and bites me in the ass. Shock more than lost love now, I still cannot believe he dumped me for all and there are alot of excellent qualities I have. His loss I know. Just some times my emotions/heart/clariry/thoughts get lost in it all and I get mixed up tomorrow I'm sure I'll be fine again. I will not let this b.a.s.t.a.r.d. get the better of me, ever.... Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 I just wants someone that will accept me warts n all, ( btw I don;t have actual warts lol) LMAO! Nah, I know what you mean. It's like the 5% just has so much more value then the 95%. It's just like having the best job, income, education, friends, family. Yet you lack ONE thing or maybe just something that makes you fel alone in a crowded room, and the more value you wil put on it. Don't worry hun. Maybe this is just a feeling that will be gone by tomorrow. There isn't much we can do about being single again except accept it and try and enjoy all the small things... Link to comment
bubblyblonde11 Posted August 25, 2007 Author Share Posted August 25, 2007 The very sad thing is when I get to feeling like this its like a devil on one side and angel on another, the devil says screw it and just end it all and be done with all the pain and the other side says no you can fight it, and will NOT let him get the better of you. I hate this. I'm normally such a strongish person can cope with anyone elses problems just can't deal with the emotioal ups and downs of my life sometimes - although I actually can cope really. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 Off course you can . You got thru the toughest part of the break up. Now your just having a fw good-bad days. When I feel like I hear my conscious telling me "when will this end? end it now" and stuff like that, I think: ending it is a cowards way out. I am no coward am I? I have so many good qualities, why should I end it b/c I miss someone special in my life... Plus if I end it now, I will never get to know if I meet him... I always say in moments like these: what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger. You know that Christina Aguilera song? Kinda like her lyrics say: "Thanks for making me a fighter". Link to comment
fIIsion Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 Why would anyone dump me, I have a great personatlity, I am a good laugh, love life (most of the time), like to go out, like to stay in, take an interest in the other halfs hobbies/friends/family, help when I can, care about them, look great, have fit body and love sex - jesus for any of my faults surely someone would be able to see all the great they were getting. Really I think I am a great catch I really do, all I have put on link removed is all true I love sports, sports cars, top gear, playing golf & pool, going to new places as well as all the above. OMG what more does one have to be??? You do not need to be any more, you are more than enough already. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 ohh nooooo.. now I kind of miss someone special to have late night phone calls with and spend my weekends with Link to comment
bubblyblonde11 Posted August 25, 2007 Author Share Posted August 25, 2007 ohh nooooo.. now I kind of miss someone special to have late night phone calls with and spend my weekends with Oh gawd I'm sorry didn't mean to drag anyone down, I'm really sorry (((hugs))) Still feeling bit lonely this morning, but its that special someone lonlieness not general lonliness because I have a very full life, I was out with a friend last night and I am out with my best mate tonight and then another friends BBQ tomoz but still get twinges of feeling low just missing someone. Thankfully its not the ex I miss anymore, I miss affection from a bloke and I don't know how to get around this feeling although I am sure it will pass as a natural course of action. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 Why would anyone dump me, I have a great personatlity, I am a good laugh, love life (most of the time), like to go out, like to stay in, take an interest in the other halfs hobbies/friends/family, help when I can, care about them, look great, have fit body and love sex - jesus for any of my faults surely someone would be able to see all the great they were getting. First off, it is common to have highs and lows after a break up. So this too shall pass. Bubblyblonde, another thing that maybe will help you get thru this is realizing that people get broken up with all the time who are NOT bad people. Your statement above suggests that perhaps most of the people in the world might deserve to be dumped because maybe they are not so great. I have read about 20 posts of yours where you say how much you love sex and your physical attributes. While that is fantastic to love yourself, because of you don't who will - your physical attributes is not a prequisite to a fulfilling relationship. Your posts show you really concentrate on external things. I almost wonder if these declarations are to convince yourSELF of something? Please read this with an open mind, I am not trying to ding you here, just saying that I think there is something you need to work on in order to find happiness with another person because you might be a bit more insecure than you are able to admit. Your threads and posts - even tho many times are outwardly declaring your love for yourself - i still really get a very insecure vibe from you.... Your post shows all the more why you shouldn't jump into a relationship right now. YOu crave to be in one for reasons that seem will validate you and make you whole. YOu have to learn how to do that on your own or you will end up a very co dependent older lady one day. Have you thought of counseling? I think once you learn how to live wthout someone then you can better find someone to share your life with. Link to comment
bubblyblonde11 Posted August 25, 2007 Author Share Posted August 25, 2007 I am trying to convince myself that I am loveable, trying to build up my self worth from being dumped hun. I was drunk last night btw!! I have lived without someone I was single for 4yrs before I met the ex in Dec 2006 so I know it is possible and I was pretty happy back then but I still miss the affection & being loved by a bloke. Think it is fairly natural? I know love etc is certainly more about me on the inside, my statement was saying as a package I think that I am pretty great catch as an entire package I really do have a wonderful personality and smile and laugh and make people laugh, I care and love alot, if I didn't I don't think I would have as many friends and be as well liked by people as I am. Saying about sex and my body is just a part of me hun I don't just concentrate on them solely its just a part of me that makes up this package. I donno just trying to figure out stuff for the future. I am at the stage in my life where I want to share it with someone and be in a relationship perhaps get married and have a child I am 34 so its just a stage I am at right now. I do go to counselling as well as group therpary sessions, and I read alot of self help groups. Alot of my issues stem from my rough childhood. And yes in relationships I do get a bit insecure but that is because of how I was treated by my ex step father and my therapist and I are working on that. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 Well that is great that you are in counseling. That will surely help. Message boards are very cathartic but can never do quite as well as face to face counseling. It does take time for the hurt to completely go away....so your down times you are feeling are normal and will pass. Drinking always seems like a good medicine until we come down off of it! lol Link to comment
bubblyblonde11 Posted August 25, 2007 Author Share Posted August 25, 2007 Well that is great that you are in counseling. That will surely help. Message boards are very cathartic but can never do quite as well as face to face counseling. It does take time for the hurt to completely go away....so your down times you are feeling are normal and will pass. Drinking always seems like a good medicine until we come down off of it! lol Yeah I'd been out with my friend and have to give her the brief run down of the break up so was fresh in the mind on top of a few glasses of wine over dinner out. Just felt a little low when I got in, drinking most of the time I'm ok with I think it was the mix of talking about the ex once mate & me parted company just felt lonely. Yeah I think your right, although it is strange cause I have accepted it is over and def don't want to hear from him ( I don't do friends with the ex thing)!! Lol Think this is just a minor blip - they are getting fewer and further time between so that is a great sign of recovery. Sun is out here for a change so that also helps my Mum thinks like her I might suffer a tad from S.A.D. disorder, sun is good we just don't get enough of it. Perhaps time to move abroad!!! lol Thanks for your posts. Link to comment
just M.E. Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 morning bubbly, hope today is better, keep working with your therapist, I've been there, still there. Those feeling of self worth haunt us in relationships, keep us from asking for what we need. I couldn't think of why the ex dumped me, I was a good person, etc., it does a number on your sense of worth, as much as I tried those negative thoughts kept creeping into my brain, those ones that said, "I must have been really awful to be with if he left me." I left me with such an irrational sense of failure. When I my first divorce happened I felt like I had a "F" branded on my forehead. It's a self defeating way of thinking but hard to shake. Those feelings are my demons and years ago I thought if I drank I would exorcise my demons, just ends up I exercised my demons. I was never much of a drinker so it didn't take much, just like your few glasses of wine. I also grew up think I wasn't good enough, so in thinking tha, I set my standards lower (dumb) I got what I set my standards to. When my ex left he made some snide remark about me being an old maid forever. I would rather be alone than be with someone who didn't love me. I wish I had found this forum before the split, it would have been there for me more in those early days. Link to comment
Cimmie Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 I think the low times are inevitable, BB. God knows I have experienced enough of them over the past two years so I should know. But it does get easier as long as something changes in you. You don't need a man to complete you. Wanting affection and family life with someone is totally normal (I am the same age as you so I can completely empathize) but personally speaking, I have become aware of just how unhealthily co-dependent my last relationship was and the last thing I want now is another relationship. I know that I would not be able to handle it right now. I think, as JS said, that using this time to figure out who you are and deal with some of those issues from your past (which sounded pretty horrendous) would be really valuable for you. If I know anything, it's that a man will not rescue you from yourself, and if one has issues around abuse in one's past, then attracting an abusive man is more likely. It takes time and patience and hard work to change your internal expectations around relationships when those habits are deeply ingrained, but I believe it has got to be worth it in the long run, as we are more likely to make better choices when it comes to men because of the work we have done on accepting ourselves first. Link to comment
KG Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 Bubbly, Know exactly that feeling of wanting someone there. No advice, sorry, but wanted you to know that you aren't alone. It ebbs and flows, this loneliness... Be strong, maybe treat yourself to something special? KG Link to comment
bubblyblonde11 Posted August 25, 2007 Author Share Posted August 25, 2007 aww thank you to all of you. Very kind of you for all your words. xxxx Link to comment
miamimami1969 Posted August 28, 2007 Share Posted August 28, 2007 Bubbly, I totally understand about wanting someone there - I too miss my ex - miss what he was in the beginning of our relationship and what he once meant to me - I do not miss paying for him constantly, I do not miss all of the cheap excuses I got day in and day out about him getting a job - but most importantly I miss me - I miss me being happy, I miss smiling, I miss sharing things with that S/O, I miss them sharing with me, the phone calls, text messages, etc. It just leaves an empty feeling within ourselves and I believe over time the emptyness goes away. I am seeing a therapist which i believe helps out a bit and yesterday made exactly 2 months that we are apart and 6 weeks of N/C. I am very proud of myself that I have resisted the urge to look him up on myspace. I did it once and vowed never to do that again and ive stuck to it. yes I have my bad days and my urges to call him, but over these past 2 months they have diminished a bit. You are a strong lady and I know you will be fine just keep pluggin away! Link to comment
bubblyblonde11 Posted August 29, 2007 Author Share Posted August 29, 2007 Thanks am doing great again now, was stressful few days of explaining about the break up but now its been put to the back of my mind and bubbly is back on form again. It's nice to come on here and vent and put your feelings/expression down in writing, for me it is theraputic. Link to comment
Clabs Posted August 29, 2007 Share Posted August 29, 2007 Hey Bubbly! Somehow I missed this thread. Just wanted to say glad that you are feeling back on track hun - it was just a pothole in the road. I think you have come such a long way - good for you, girlie! Mark Link to comment
papalazarou Posted August 29, 2007 Share Posted August 29, 2007 I'd say you are back on form babe! Link to comment
bubblyblonde11 Posted September 1, 2007 Author Share Posted September 1, 2007 Isn't it funny the ups & downs, highs and lows we go through when healing. One thing that I can be sure off for every mild set back or step back I take, I move forward more steps than I take back thus proving I am healing. So remember when you do have a down day, remember all the good days and highs you have had in between, what is the ratio of them? More good than bad? I'm just being insightful today, probably cause my brain has just come back to life from a good night out on the tiles. Link to comment
bubblyblonde11 Posted September 4, 2007 Author Share Posted September 4, 2007 I wanted to share, I donno why this just popped into my brain, made me cry - why well because I am such a caring person I cannot understand someone being so cold. Copied it from my journal. You remember what your first words were when I texted you the day I came out of A & E, your text back (you didn't even call me) were "what was I supposed to sit in and wait to hear from you". How mean can someone be to someone who'd clearly been in hospital. You were not in the least bit worried or anxious about my health, speaks reams I suppose. I do not understand how someone can be so cold so someone the are supposed to care about. Thats what makes me cry not cause I care about you. And thats why I don't want you back, I might be saddened by what has happened and how BUT I AM TOO GOOD FOR YOU Link to comment
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