Is it wrong to want to have sex with an ex?

[TijuanaJones]

Well, she was the one who broke up with me. That was 8 months ago... After a while we started seeing each other again in a non-romantical way, but I was in doubt about her intentions, so I asked her point-blank... she said she wanted to be friends, so I said OK... but after that I felt such a relief that I didn't feel the need to see her ever again, so I never called her or wrote to her again... Right then she was not working or studying, she just sat on her behind all day, watching soap operas. Fast forward three months and there she is: Calling me just yesterday with a lame excuse.

Now she says she is starting college, she works part time in a stationary store, and goes to the gym afterwards... She says she wants to see me again and invited me to a club next week.

To tell you the truth I still like her, she is a hot 19 yr old whom I loved. But Im not sure I want to go back to her, but the physical part of the relationship was too good.

 

How can I know if she wants to have fun only? Of course I don't want to use her, so I won't lie to her about my intentions if the occasion arises.

 

Is it wrong to want to have sex with an ex?

[radioheader]

i don't think it is....sex is a natural need that most of us have...just tell her that you are not interested in a serious relationship and you just want to hang...why not just bring up the idea of having sex over drinks if that is really what you want...she may want that too...but too often a woman will attach more onto that act so you need to be honest with her up front...and tell her that it is not an indication of committment b/f the act!!! not after!!!

[Beec]

I think sex with an ex is fine, but I think you need to know you are on the same page with her before you have it.

[itsallgrand]

I think this could head for trouble rather easily....

 

I agree with Beec, but there is no real way to know if they want fun only except by what you know of the person and how they communicate overall.

 

If she was generally one to not hide feelings or throw curveballs, you might be ok.

 

If there was drama, well, you might get more than just fun.

[TijuanaJones]

Thank you for your comments!

 

I guess what I really don't understand is why she wanted to see me again after all these months. Maybe it's because she finally settled down and is going to school again, she is hanging out with older, more mature friends, and she is not dating or seeing anyone romantically. Could it be that she finally saw the great guy I am and wants to take another shot at it?

[MarkD]

I think it's a bad idea.

 

At first i was going to say that as long as you are both on the same page it wouldn't be a bad thing..but then your last comment when you said "Could it be that she finally saw the great guy I am and wants to take another shot at it?" tells me you still have more then just wanting sex feelings for her.

 

I might be wrong here, but I just think most girls can't have a "just sex" relationship, and it may get nasty.

 

You are young...I am sure you can find other hot girls to meet?

[sandyv]

Yeah depends I guess, got involved with my ex about 5 months ago... yep yet again... bad mistake in my case.....

 

It took me right back to go... do not collect $100, do not pass go..... devasted me, yep and maybe him too, I'm kinda thinking it killed us both now.. emotionally... was the wrong thing to do...

 

Just my 2 cents worth.... I won't do it again...

[TijuanaJones]

Yeah, after a couple of days of thinking about it, I have just realized that I tought I was completely over her, but deep inside I still have some feelings for her, and it is unlikely but possible that I may fall for her again. So what may start as a physical relationship could become something more and I too would be back at square one... Darn! its hard not to accept her invitation... well, I already did, and a friend told me that she told him about it, and that she was happy that I accepted her invitation. So it looks like next saturday it's her and me and a bottle of tequila... I'll try to forget that she was once my GF and concentrate on having a good time...

Well, I won't worry too much about it, me both might end up wanting the same thing and have a great time, or not and never see each other again, so in either case I have nothing to lose.

[sandyv]

^Wrong buddy, you do have something to lose... your heart for instance.....

[renaissancewoman101]

You're a guy, you might be able to keep your feeling separate from sleeping with her. I hope so. It's not a good place to be when you have feelings for someone and they don't feel the same about you.

[p_fred]

I'd say go for it.. Apparently it doesn't take as long to heal the second time after getting you heart broken by the same person Perhaps just go slow and don't give in to full-on sex the first night back together if you want to re-ignite a relationship? Plus you'll be drinking so maybe you won't remember

 

and I'm led to believe that yes some girls do just see sex as sex and love as something else (I don't see it that way but to each their own I guess)

[TijuanaJones]

true, true... I'll try to stay on my objective and have fun no matter what.