My friend is in love with my boyfriend

[PinkFlame190]

Okay, here's a fun story. About a month ago I got this message on facebook from this guy I didn't recognize just saying hi (we'll call him mike). When I asked Mike who he was he said that he was a friend of a friend of mine (let's call her Mary) and he just moved in the area for college but didn't know anyone. Mary had just left for bording school and said some nice things about me so he decided to contact me. So, after a lot of talking and stuff we started to hang out and eventually started to date. In fact, we haven't spent more than a day apart since we met. Mike later told me that Mary had this crush on him and when she asked if they should date he said no because he didn't want to be in a relationship with someone who he was never going to see. Well, he later shows me these letters she's been sending him saying things like "Baby I love you" "I think about you everyday" and "I know we were meant for eachother." I'm not really the jelous type so I'm not worried about him having feelings for her or anything, but breaking her heart. Mary is a VERY clingy person and will fall in love with anyone who is nice to her (not saying this as a bad thing...just as a fact). She also has no idea Mike has a girlfriend...and REALLY has no idea it is me, one of her best friends. Mike said he's told her a million times that he doesn't want a relationship with her, but she just doesn't get it. She's coming back to visit in about a month and I know she's going to hate me for dating the guy she's going head-over-heels for. I adore Mike and don't want to lose him but I don't want to lose Mary either, she's such a good friend.

How do I tell her I'm dating her crush without killing her. She's very sensitive and already under enough stress from going to bording school (which in fact is a special school for girls who suffer with depression). Any advice PLEASE!

[flower99]

She never told you she had a crush on him... right? So how were you to know better.

 

So talk to her before she comes up, phone her or something be all happy & tell her you met a guy & got a boyfriend. Mention you met him on facebook & think she may know him. If she never told you she liked him, you really never did anything wrong. how were you to know?

 

(Do not mention you've seen those letter, that's bad idea. Because it's breaking her trust with him & than shows that you were being sneaky.)

[agent1607307371]

So why hasn't he mentioned his girlfriend to her?

 

flower99 is right. Make like you've never seen the letters and just straight out tell her that you're dating him. Pre-emptive strike.

[Sweetheartleftbehind]

Well, the best you can offer someone is honesty, it really is the best policy. The truth can really hurt sometime and I know that you don't want to hurt your friend, especially since she is in a fragile state... But you have to think how she is going to feel if she finds out later; she may really value your friendship now and omission is a form of betrayal. You have to consider the pro and cons of not telling her now versus telling her later. Everything works out in the end but it may take a while to get there.

[thegoodsheppard]

Well, I don't support the lying plan. Lying is never the proper way to handle anything. Ask "Mike" to tell her. If he declines he's being a coward IMO.

[Sweetheartleftbehind]

I agree with you flower99. word.

[flower99]

what I posted above, but changed my mind...now i changed it back.lol

 

Well, I don't support the lying plan. Lying is never the proper way to handle anything. Ask "Mike" to tell her. If he declines he's being a coward IMO.

 

 

Mike is a mutal friend why would he tell her? the poster & Mary are pretty much best friends. She's got to be up front with her, It's got to come friend her mouth....

[miracle29]

Why did he turn all evasive on her? Why didn't he tell her about you? Why do you have to do it? Sounds like she does not know about you. I think if you told her..she's leave him be. My concern is where is his telling her? The FIRST thing he should have done was tell her about you.

[flower99]

What I'm wondering is why didn't he tell you about her likeing him BEFORE you two hooked up? that way you could have been a clear decision & could have spoken to her first. how long have you two been dating? why haven't you mentioned it to Mary yet?

[Mavis VDSande]

I wouldn't question so much how you should handle it, more why he didn't handle it when he could have.

 

If he's known her for a while and she's the one propositioning him, he should tell her he's seeing someone, you. If he can't then I'm sorry, he's a coward.

 

The only reason why I don't think the responsibility falls on you is because you had no idea about her feelings for him. However, if you dispel the problem by letting it out, then you solve the problem of him facing up to her.

 

Let him be the man, do the right thing. I find it a problem that he can't just tell her the truth.

[PinkFlame190]

he didn't tell her that we were dating because he's afraid of hurting her as well. She has very bad depression

[miracle29]

he didn't tell her that we were dating because he's afraid of hurting her as well. She has very bad depression

 

 

 

I don't buy it. I call Bull###. You dont' know how many times I've heard from people on this site "he didn't want to hurt her" ...than a month later its..

"he and her are an item...what clues did i miss"..

 

Excuses thats the first one.

 

NOT SAYING ALL MEN ARE ALIKE..but i smella rat.

[PinkFlame190]

first off, he hasn't talked to her since she left for school. Second of all, they can only talk through letters. Before she left he said to her "I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who I never see." That was before I knew him. After we met, he didn't know how close I was with her. We just connected very well. I adore him. He doesn't like her but she still thinks that there is a chance together. It's complicated but we both struggle through these issues that is hard to talk about with anyone else, even my best friends. He said he is going to write her again and say that he is not interested but even I agree not to tell her we are dating until later. But I have no idea if she'll forgive me. She's in a really bad place right now, emotionally

[WWBG]

this situation is full of trouble. even if you didn't do anything wrong, your friend is probably not going to see it that way. lost love, or losing a love to a friend is a big hurt.