Tips on NC

[cnfsdnluv]

When I first started posting on this site, I was in the same boat as many others - DESPERATE to get my ex back, NEEDING to talk to him to work it out, TOO WEAK to go NC for any length of time, etc.

 

I have forced myself to stick to NC (at 11 days now). WIth time it really does get easier, but I've also found some tricks that keep it easy that I thought I should share.

 

My Top 5 Tricks for surviving NC:

 

1.) STAY REALLY BUSY - you should see my calendar! There isn't a moment of the day that I don't have SOMETHING on there! I schedule EVERYTHING from my morning coffee (no joke) to visiting with friends, work (and I mean every presentation I'm doing, every meeting I have, every email I am writing), massages, reading, going to Church, EVEN WHAT TIME I WILL LOG ONTO ENA!!! - EVERYTHING GOES ON THE DATEBOOK! It keeps my mind focused to open my calendar and start attacking each day.

 

2.A.) PICK A NC LENGTH GOAL - it sounds silly to put a timeframe on NC, but I think it makes it easier to try and achieve a SPECIFIC amount of time. I am aiming for (minimum) 30 days NC. If I go longer GREAT, but right now, I want to make it to day 30.

2.B.) Once you have a timeframe, find a way to TRACK it. - maybe create a calendar where you can cross off each day as it goes by, bringing you closer to your goal. I have been posting the quote of the day on ENA. I have exactly 30 quotations to open up and that is my goal. So, each day I get an inspiring message, post it, write it in my datebook and then try to focus on it all day. As long as I DO NOT contact him, I can keep opening a new quote the next day. And, I can VISUALLY see the time going by.

 

3.) GET AWAY! - No, you don't need oodles of money or time for this one. I have been driving to my cousins house (an hour away) to spend each weekend. Being around them has kept me busy, out of my element and away from things that remind me of him. It's not liek I'm going on an exotic trip (I'm sleeping on a couch for crying out loud)!!! But, it's making time go by FAST and contacting him NOT EVEN AN OPTION

 

4.) FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO TALK TO - this is really important, especially for women - as women NEED TO TALK things out. I have one friend that I consistently talk to and my counselor I've been going to for some time now. They afford me the opportunity to get out my confusion and share my feelings without reaching out to him.

NOTE: DO NOT REACH OUT TO EVERYONE!!! NO ONE REALLY WANTS TO HEAR YOUR WOES, LET ALONE EVERYONE! It sounds harsh, but really, find 1 or 2 people you can be open with and let it out there. Otherwise, find something else to talk about!!! (And, of course, you have ENA to post on too).

 

5.) Okay this is important: WHAT YOU FOCUS ON GETS BIGGER. Have you ever heard that saying? Well, it's true, if you focus on good things, good things will come to you. If you focus on negative things, you will only attract more negativity in your life. So, don't focus on the LACK of your ex in your life. Focus on what IS in your life that you love - maybe friends, family, pets, your car, your favorite pair of shoes, the fact that the break-up made you lose 10lbs and you look better now than ever! Just DON"T focus on NOT being with your ex!!!

 

If you are having a hard time letting go of things, confusion, things you want to say, apologies, regret, name-calling - WHATEVER - try writing it down on a piece of paper and then tearing it up and throwing it out.

 

Sounds a bit bizarre, but you'd be surprised how freeing that can be!

 

Good luck to EVERYONE out there going thru NC. I KNOW in my heart, we will all be better people tomorrow for the struggles we endure today.

 

XOXO

[Gratsy]

Hey thats a great post. My life has been great b/c of those things...focusing on positive and being busy.

[cnfsdnluv]

Thanks! I'm glad to hear you've found success with a similar strategy. It's NEVER easy, but anything to help is good

[MarkD]

That is a great post. I am just doing things a little bit differently.

 

I don't want to overload my schedule with stuff to keep my mind of things...As hard as it is, I still want to take the time to reflect the situation and try to think of the good memories and look at how I can be a better person with or without my ex.

 

I also would avoid putting a time frame on NC. What happens after you reach the 30 day point if that is your goal? You might find yourself wanting to break the NC...I am sticking to NC until my ex contacts me. Since she is the one that does not think we can work on the relationship, I am concentrating on getting better and if she changes her mind, she will contact me.

 

I am not putting down the way you are doing things...just my 2 cents

[Lana0120]

One thing I would definitely suggest is removing your ex from your speed dial and scrubbing the phone number out of the book, if you feel you are very likely to weaken and call. Of course, this will only work if you don't know said ex's number off by heart...

[orchidrose]

And, if you're technologically inclined, remove your ex from your AIM/Yahoo/MSN lists. This way you won't see when they're online and probably not messaging you. I found the urge to contact my ex was greatly diminished when I didn't know whether or not he was online.

[cnfsdnluv]

I can understand what you are saying about not having a time-frame on your NC. I think it's great that your goal is until your ex contacts you - if I were strong enough, I'd do the same. For me, it's just easier to set a deadline and reach that and then perhaps set another. I think once I hit 30 days it will be easier, so then I'll extend it - or perhaps by then I won't even care to, y'know?

I guess it's whatever works best for yoU!

[cnfsdnluv]

One thing I would definitely suggest is removing your ex from your speed dial and scrubbing the phone number out of the book, if you feel you are very likely to weaken and call. Of course, this will only work if you don't know said ex's number off by heart...

yeah, I agree, ironically, though, I did block my ex from IM when we first broke up - more for my own sanity than anything (like not to be mean or anything). Do you know that he called me out on it? He said that he went online under his other screenname cause he thought I had blocked him and saw that I had...um...okay....

 

haha

 

oh, well. Needless to say, I'm just avoiding IM now!!!

[cnfsdnluv]

Update: yeah, so I'm doing really well with no contact, but my EX CONTACTED ME!!!! hahaha

 

score me: 1 ex: 0!!!

 

It really wasn't anything exciting. We still share responsibilities of our apartment (even tho he no longer lives there) and he emailed me about rent. BUT, the weird thing is that there was no reason for him to do that - as I pay on time EVERY month...

 

oh, well, we've made contact...