Is there a limit on who you can attract in terms of hotness.

[Massari]

I am just wondering, how much exactly does a guy's look and style matters to a girl? and is there a limit in which we guys need to understand so we wouldn't try to impress and date someone who is out of our league. I am trying to understand my limits if there is such a thing as limits. My first gf wasn't that pretty, second one wasn't wither only because I didn't try to go for the pretty ones simply cause I thought they were out of my league.

 

Now my ex was extremely pretty, most guys would rate her 8.5 -9 /10, while I was in Germany I dated a German girl who would be a perfect 10 just Gorgeous. But seriously I am wondering is there a limit?

[JeckyllNHyde]

No way. Besides you got girls who are a perfect 10 almost. At the end of the day they are just people.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I've read a theory that you can attract someone who is +/- 2 pts from your looks score.

 

The thing with looks, is that it's only one facet of a relationship. A relationship that is balanced has a better chance of success, than one that is not.

 

Hence a rich girl who is a 5 in looks, could easily be happy with a guy who is broke but a 10. Her money adds to what she brings to the relationship.

 

A guy who is a 10 in looks, but is bat-s*** crazy won't have much luck with a gal who is a 9, but is more stable.

 

It's about balance.

[Massari]

No way. Besides you got girls who are a perfect 10 almost. At the end of the day they are just people.

 

you see I am thinking maybe I was just lucky. I consider myself an average looking guy!! I am not Tan... not so tall and not muscular cut! but I to take care of myself.. always shaved clean.. dress well up to the fashion..but is that enough?

[LostInMyThoughts]

you see I am thinking maybe I was just lucky. I consider myself an average looking guy!! I am not Tan... not so tall and not muscular cut! but I to take care of myself.. always shaved clean.. dress well up to the fashion..but is that enough?

 

Dressing with the latest fashions will help increase your looks.

 

If brad pitt dressed like a bum, and smelled like butt, im sure his appeal would drop dramatically.

[chai714]

No way. Besides you got girls who are a perfect 10 almost. At the end of the day they are just people.

 

Agreed. It basically comes down to your mindset. Once you decide they are out of your league, they are. Until then, it's all fair game. And as JeckyllNHyde said, they're just people like you and me.

[JadedStar]

Do you even go for the type of person internally at all or is it all external for you? Was the relationship with the hot girl anymore meaningful then with the not as pretty girls? This is a serious question, because I doubt a relationship has more quality based on the appearance alone of those involved.

 

It is an amazing thing how much the word "hot" and "hotness" is used here. It is even more amazing that nine times out of ten, or ten times out of ten, it is only someone under 25, and rarely anyone over age of 28.

 

I am so glad I finally grew out of that obsession with who is hot and who is not!

[Siriana]

Well your 10 is not mine 10.

So how do you know she's out of your league?

You only think that she is.

 

Taking care about your looks certainly helps.

Coco Chanel once said that there are not ugly women on this world - only women who don't care about their looks.

I think that this applies to men also.

[Raiden]

I'm not a proponent of the 'rating' system that gets thrown around so much. I think it's silly, shallow and unnecessary.

 

My little rant is over.

 

you see I am thinking maybe I was just lucky. I consider myself an average looking guy!! I am not Tan... not so tall and not muscular cut! but I to take care of myself.. always shaved clean.. dress well up to the fashion..but is that enough?

 

Massari, is that your pic in your profile? Just curious.

 

If brad pitt dressed like a bum, and smelled like butt, im sure his appeal would drop dramatically.

 

I doubt that it would. Besides, he already covered that market in Kalifornia. Still didn't loose his female fan base

 

It is an amazing thing how much the word "hot" and "hotness" is used here. It is even more amazing that nine times out of ten, or ten times out of ten, it is only someone under 25, and rarely anyone over age of 28.

 

"Hot", to me is synonymous with "cute", "attractive" or whatever. But then, that's just me.

[Massari]

Do you even go for the type of person internally at all or is it all external for you? Was the relationship with the hot girl anymore meaningful then with the not as pretty girls? This is a serious question, because I doubt a relationship has more quality based on the appearance alone of those involved.

 

It is an amazing thing how much the word "hot" and "hotness" is used here. It is even more amazing that nine times out of ten, or ten times out of ten, it is only someone under 25, and rarely anyone over age of 28.

 

I am so glad I finally grew out of that obsession with who is hot and who is not!

 

You see that was gonna be my next argument. the girlfriend who wasn't gorgeous had a VERYYYYY crappy personality. She showed her true colors 4 months down the relationship materialistic and cared about how much I spend on her.. and that was kinda what turned me off about just carying about their personality, she seemed sweet at first but heck no she wasn't.. now my ex wasn't anything like her though we had other problems but she wasn't like that all(non the less she was really pretty).. the one in Germany was the most down to earth gal I have ever met in my life..just into her studies and NOT into other guys.

 

I have had some bad luck when it comes to the relationships and as I mentioned my first relationship started cause I liked her personality not her looks.

[Massari]

I'm not a proponent of the 'rating' system that gets thrown around so much. I think it's silly, shallow and unnecessary.

 

My little rant is over.

 

 

 

Massari, is that your pic in your profile? Just curious.

 

 

 

lol no.. but look like him. ppl have mistaken me with him at times when I had shaved head

[Up and Down]

you see I am thinking maybe I was just lucky. I consider myself an average looking guy!! I am not Tan... not so tall and not muscular cut! but I to take care of myself.. always shaved clean.. dress well up to the fashion..but is that enough?

 

 

Its confidence, if you feel good about yourself, i.e. dresses well taken care of you tend to carry that air about you. This is an attractive quality that women like, being funny helps too. Don't confuse this with arrogance...there's a fine line...and as another poster said once you think they are out of your league...they are.

[Massari]

Its confidence, if you feel good about yourself, i.e. dresses well taken care of you tend to carry that air about you. This is an attractive quality that women like, being funny helps too. Don't confuse this with arrogance...there's a fine line...and as another poster said once you think they are out of your league...they are.

 

so basically what you are saying is that its all about my own mentality here? how I feel about myself reflects what others see in me?

[JeckyllNHyde]

I think it has to do with luck, but I say that about finding your "perfect" match/BF/GF as well.

But not only that, alot of people (myself included) don't go straight for the hot guy/girl who seems out of our league. I notice so-so guys faster and try and talk to them before the really hot ones. You obviously dare to do it, b/c you have done it before. All you need is the confidence to aproach them and from there on its upto how you carry yourself (confident, aloof, relaxed, funny, nice, etc). But if you rule out having a chance with a hot girl, you just set yourself back b/c your esteem goes down, and you end up never trying.

It's kind of having a "I have a shot at her" attitude instead of a "why would she go out with me" atitude. And that helps boost your confidence level in yourself.

[afrodite79]

Do you even go for the type of person internally at all or is it all external for you? Was the relationship with the hot girl anymore meaningful then with the not as pretty girls? This is a serious question, because I doubt a relationship has more quality based on the appearance alone of those involved.

 

It is an amazing thing how much the word "hot" and "hotness" is used here. It is even more amazing that nine times out of ten, or ten times out of ten, it is only someone under 25, and rarely anyone over age of 28.

 

I am so glad I finally grew out of that obsession with who is hot and who is not!

 

I was thinking the same thing. Is it all about looks or does personality and compatability factor into what the OP wants in a girl?

 

I always wonder what some people actually mean by saying someone is "hot". Is it a person who they feel is just generally attractive or someone who is totally ideal hence wondering if that person is out of their league. Nothing wrong with wanting someone attractive (we all do) but worrying about getting the most ideal looking person is a waste of time.

 

I think the rating system some guys use on for women on here is something that needs to be grown out of. I don't understand it and it makes women seem like objects and not people.

 

To the OP

I'd say just take the chance and ask out the girls you're interested in.

[Massari]

I think it has to do with luck, but I say that about finding your "perfect" match/BF/GF as well.

But not only that, alot of people (myself included) don't go straight for the hot guy/girl who seems out of our league. I notice so-so guys faster and try and talk to them before the really hot ones. You obviously dare to do it, b/c you have done it before. All you need is the confidence to aproach them and from there on its upto how you carry yourself (confident, aloof, relaxed, funny, nice, etc). But if you rule out having a chance with a hot girl, you just set yourself back b/c your esteem goes down, and you end up never trying.

 

YOu see I tried that before, lets go for someone who is nice inside and don't really care about the outside appearance but they turned out to be the most evil ppl I have ever known in my life so far.. it was just bad luck I would say and my friends say I can do so much better.(maybe that is just friends talking)

 

btw this is me in my avatar... some one asked me if I was the guy in my picture profile

[Up and Down]

so basically what you are saying is that its all about my own mentality here? how I feel about myself reflects what others see in me?

 

Yes! Some of my good girl friends are always complaining that they never meet guys. Well I tell them to smile more, why because what guy wants to go up to a girl with a scowl on her face! Think about it, people want to be around people that are having a good time, not with their heads hung low. When I was single...err well I am single again, when I was out, I used to make a conscious effort to smile, also a person that is smiling is more inviting to talk to as they seem easy going. Thats just part of it, but yes how you carry yourself is very important, IMHO.

 

The other thing is this, I have some guy friends that go out and if they don't meet anyone in their minds they had a bad night. My goal when I go out is to have fun, and if I meet someone great if not I still had fun. Helps to have a good group of friends to go out with. I am usually out with a few women and in my experience the best wingman is a woman! in my opinion women see you as less threatening when you are with a woman than with five guys looking like vultures ready to swoop in. Most girls can also figure out by body language that you are not dating the women you are with.

[JeckyllNHyde]

so basically what you are saying is that its all about my own mentality here? how I feel about myself reflects what others see in me?

 

 

I have heard this before but I do not know for sure if that is true. I do know however that it has ALOT to do with HOW you project yourself and I guess that does have to do with your mentality.

Say you haven't had much luck with women, etc. Don't project that and tell the other person. Just be more confident, kind of like "I have done this loads of times". If someone knows you don't have high regards of yourself, or if other girls have rejected you, it makes them think twice why THEY shouldn't do same. The more "wanted" they think you are, the more they are likely to want to get to know you. The key here is not being arrogant and boasting though. Just not mentioning negative things about yourself.

 

Oh and I totally agree with up and down too. The part about projecting and what Upanddown said about smiling, relate to each other.

[dietrying]

I don't believe in leagues. We're all people.

 

The rating scale is so subjective....your 10 is someone else's 6.

 

Date someone you think is a 10. An 11 even. I'm sure girls want guys who think they're gorgeous.

[Dating Coach]

It has more to do with your value, and what value's the other person looks for. Sure, almost anyone would prefer an attractive person, as long as they also contained the other qualities they are looking for.

 

Even if you have someone whom is usually turned off by attractive people because they fear their loyalty, or fear something else typically associated with the beautiful people, they'd still prefer the more attractive person if two people were identicle in everyway except one was very appealling physically and the other wasn't.

 

So beauty matters, but it's not the only thing. There are other values, such as personality, social skills, social status, wealth, loyalty, energy, etc. What also matters is your ability to show that you have these qualities to the person of interest.

 

Can a 3 in the looks department get a 10? Absolutely. Movie stars do it all the time. Why? Because they have other things of value. They are seen as the "elite" so they have a very high social status, and are also wealthy. While these may be superficial values, they do mean a lot to a lot of people. So these things will assist someone in gaining another whom is much more physically "beautiful".

 

But movie stars aren't the only ones capable of this. There are other values. Let's say you have amazing social skills and an amazing personality. You may be a 5 in the looks department but if you are a confident person whom has the crowd laughing all of the time and everyone looks up to you, you're going to be in a better position to attract another person of higher value. They'll see you as someone of higher value due to how others look up to you and how approachable you are.

 

Or look at it from the opposite angle. If you're generally regarded as someone of high value, meaning a lot of people are interested and attracted to you, are you likely to go hit on and ask out someone who is unattractive physically, who sits in the corner with nothing to say, whom is judgemental and condescending, etc? Why would you as a "9" or so go for someone who's value is regarded as a "3" or so? You wouldn't. Being so high in value yourself, you can get just about any 3 you wanted. Why would you choose one when you can find your equal? Or even someone more highly regarded than yourself?

[Dating Coach]

Basically, in order to attract someone who has high value, they are going to have to see you as someone of equal or higher value. Even if you as someone of lower value, happen to get someone much more desirable than yourself, you're likely going to be in a very bad position as your partner will know they can do better and will be more tempted to stray.

 

I told a story on here recently how a girl who was regarded as someone very desirable was dating a total tool. The guy was average looking, was jealous, a doormat, unfriendly, etc, yet he was dating this attractive woman. What happened? She cheated on him all of the time with guys more her equal in value. She never left this other guy and never formed a relationship with her equals, and I think it was due to the fact that she was insecure about her ability to keep an attractive guy loyal, so she got what she needed from those attractive guys and stayed with the loser because he was "safe". Obviously he wasn't about to leave her as she was a huge "catch" for him.

 

I'm not saying she is a catch, anyone whom cheats isn't, but as far as her place in society, she was regarded as beautiful, fun, and friendly. Definetly better than this guy whom was boring, average looking, and bitter.

 

The point is that you can get attractive people as long as they see you as someone of equal or greater value. Preferably greater because if they feel that way about you then they will regard you as a "catch".

[Raiden]

Or look at it from the opposite angle. If you're generally regarded as someone of high value, meaning a lot of people are interested and attracted to you, are you likely to go hit on and ask out someone who is unattractive physically, who sits in the corner with nothing to say, whom is judgemental and condescending, etc? Why would you as a "9" or so go for someone who's value is regarded as a "3" or so? You wouldn't. Being so high in value yourself, you can get just about any 3 you wanted. Why would you choose one when you can find your equal? Or even someone more highly regarded than yourself?

 

Not to derail your philosophy here Diggity, but I'd personally be happy to approach a girl who thought of herself as, say, a '3'. Provided that I found her attractive.

 

An attractive girl, who happens to have a low opinion of herself, is still an attractive girl. Whether she has a low opinion of herself is irrelevant. I'd like her, and that's all I'd care about.

[ghost69]

you can attract just about anybody you want to. depends on the person you are attracting. if they like a very attractive guy, or even a dorky type with money. depends on their taste too. but you are the ultimate person that decides what you are going to settle for. everyone has standards they look for.

[servedcold]

I am so glad I finally grew out of that obsession with who is hot and who is not!

 

Me too, Jaded, LOL, thought I had left the "hotness" days 20 years ago. Enter first date with most recent ex. We met online and really clicked on the phone. We meet, she sits down, first words out of her mouth, "So, do you think I'm hot?"

 

Shoulda run right then and there, trouble was we had REALLY clicked on the phone, text and email, so I used my patented response to this type of question...

 

"You couldn't possibly be that insecure..."

 

We were making out in the restaurant within 2 minutes after that, so my goose was cooked. I love that line, but will definitely use it with more caution going forward.

 

EDIT: LOL, forgot to mention the point, she is FORTY, so the "hotness" issue doesn't seem to fade with age, at least with immature folks.

[itsallgrand]

I know this may make me sound like a bi- - , but a guy who sits there and compares which of his gf's were pretty on a scale of 1-10....

 

I'm outta your league, dude!

 

 

 

 

 

Ok, only messing with you, not being serious. However, I would run if those words came out of a man's mouth in my presense. That's brutal.

 

This girl is "German, hot, into studies"

This girl is "not pretty, crappy personality".

 

It's just like 2 dimensional characters or something. That's harsh, in my way of thinking, to be described like that.