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ok here goes


i was with a guy for 2.5 years - he is 5 years older. i was so so so so SO in love with him even though the relationship was very tempestuous and firey. he was quite dominating and controlling so i would "rebel" and we would fight and split up/get back together etc etc. i never trusted him as he used to lie about where he was/who he was with. i couldnt rely on him as if he was out having fun he would ignore my calls (he is quite selfish and self centred). but i put up with all of it because i loved him and wanted to be with him. we bought a house together and everything. anyway, last december (06) we split up - nothing major, just lots of arguing and drifting apart that came to a head. i moved out. at the time i didnt know that it would be a long split, but it turned out to be - 6 months to be exact. during that time i found a place to rent in london and tried to get on with my life. we had very minimal contact (sorting out the house and stuff) and on a few occasions i did spill my heart and ask to get back together - he made it so clear that we wouldnt.


so i got on with my life as best i could, missing him and thinking of him constantly. but i did have a couple of one night stands - one of which was with his sister's friend. then one night out of the blue, my ex calls and says that he wants to get back together. stupidly i got back together with him without even thinking about it - because i loved him and couldnt believe that he would want me back after so long apart.


anyway, his sister then tells him i slept with her friend (he had asked and i had said we kissed and nothing more, bad to lie i know, but i was so scared to ruin us being back together over something that happened when we were apart). anyway, sure enough, he told me how low i was, how he hated me etc etc would never be with me again.. and so thats that. it all happened a month ago after being back together for 6 weeks. he also told me that he had done stuff to and "if only i knew who with i would never talk to him again" but he didnt tell me who, he told me he wanted it to eat me up instead.


we have had NC for 3 weeks and any day now he will be buying me out of the house for good. i go through good and bad days. sometimes i wish i had never had that one night stand. others i accept that i wasnt with him, and couldnt have ever known he would want me back.


ultimately i know that our relationship was not good or healthy and that it would have ended at some point anyway, and i would always have been left completely broken hearted.


all i am trying to do now is to stay strong and rebuild my life and realise that one day i will meet someone who will treat me so much better.


but it is soooo hard!!


any advice / comments??!

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Welcome to ENA


All breakups, regardless if the partner was good or bad, if there was any love then it will never be easy to brush it off so quickly. With that being said, realize that the relationship would have never been healthy for either of you and that this separation (as painful as it maybe) was for the best.

If you've been doing NC, then you know well ahead what must be done to improve your current situation. But I want to throw in to do stuff that makes you happy or even things that will keep him off your mind, like running, cycling or any other myriad of activities available to someone living in the 21st century. Focus on yourself and time will take care of the rest.

Hope this helps a bit. Be good and we're all here for you.

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hi positive, no contact is the best way to go right now. its really, really hard trying to start over but you can do it. you shouldn't feel guilty if u had a one night stand with another guy because u weren't with him when you did it.


right now, start doing the things that you like. keep yourself busy. its the surest way to moving on.


you can get through this.

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