Passionless....

[MadGenius]

I don't feel happy... I don't LIKE anything. All I can do is count the hours in the day, and try to be unconscious as much as possible.

 

There's nothing I WANT to do, and even if I manage to pick up a book or get out my drawing pencils....I'll just put it down again.

 

I'm just checking off the days till college starts back up, even though I absolutely dread it....it'll be something to do. Maybe I'll make some friends.....

 

Anything that comes up that I COULD do....just seems like too much trouble. I'd rather be unconscious than have to spend that time awake.

 

I went out with my only two friends tonight, to see a movie....it's a DAMN rare occasion I get to see them. It was fun, I guess....but now I'm back where I started. I didn't meet anyone new....nothing exciting happened to think about....nothing to look foreward to tomorrow.

 

I don't know what to do to shake off this soul crushing loneliness, and insurmountable boredom. I'm depressed...

[mintblossom]

There there...I don't know anyone either and I'm just hanging on until school starts. Add that in the fact that my mom is nagging me to death and keeps telling me that I'm going to fail because the past implies the present and I'm going batty insane.

 

I would like to be emotionally dead and not feel anything but remote detachment from the world.

[MadGenius]

Same here. Failed miserably these past years, but I'm still going for lack of anything else to do and to TRY to dig myself out.

 

My dad is dissappointed in me. He came to this country from Iran when he was 19...with only 2800 dollars. He did everything himself and loved every minute of it.

 

But...I WANT to feel something. Something good, obviously. I'm sick of emptiness.

[mintblossom]

well...do you know the reasons why you failed? those are important to understand.

 

and well.....your dad is from a different time and generation. A few decades does make a lot of difference.

 

Btw, those empty passionless feelings will pass. I used to feel that well. I felt completely dead and emotionless and numb inside. I felt completely asexual......but the feelings and desire to live came back.

[d24]

I'm the same way - i have complete indifference towards everything and everyone. i think i closed up 2/3yrs ago because of a bad relationshp and have never managed to 'let go' since. i guess i need councelling - i have been diagnosed as being depressed though.

 

you might wanna go to the doctor's and see if they can get you something - the change in my personality when i was 'on' the meds (took about 2 weeks to kick in) was amazing and i was a lot more like my previous outgoing social friendly self (and a lot happier) - but it had certain sexual sideffects which has led to me stopping.

 

best of luck, i feel your pain mate

[MadGenius]

I'm on the Prozac. When I stop taking it I get really nasty and moody and cry alot...but when I do take it I still feel sad without actually showing it. Doesn't exactly make me happy, but then there's nothing to be happy about at the moment.

[d24]

there's about 60 different anti-depressants and they all work in different ways. If you feel Prozac is not working for you tell your doctor and ask him to perscribe something different. took me three times till I found something which did what I wanted it to for me.

 

Easy ;-)

[MadGenius]

Hmm....I've done counseling and stuff in the past, and we tried four or five different things. This is what I've been on for years now.

 

It's only this past couple months that I'm feeling really bad.

 

I think things just need to change. I really hope school goes well this year. I've done SOO poorly so far, I can't handle failing again...

[Lana0120]

I'm in the same boat as you are. I'm just, like you, trying to find things to do to occupy myself on my own when I am not out with friends. Maybe if you're starting college soon, you could start reading in preparation for that or something? Maybe there's some kind of project you can work towards, e.g. DIY around the house? That can be boring, but it keeps you occupied and stops you from thinking too much.

[MadGenius]

Terrible day....

 

I went to lunch with my dad....he's the hardest person in the world to talk to, at least to me. He always wants to go to lunch or dinner with me...and I loath it, but when I say I don't want to, I think he gets upset.

 

So, we sat in stony silence for about an hour. It was awful. All I managed to tell him was that I didn't like going out with him because I had nothing to say and it felt bad.....so instead of asking why I have nothing to say he just said he wouldn't ask me to go out anymore.

 

 

I know I'm supposed to work on 'myself' before I work on finding someone else....but I feel like my problem is that I'm just plain lonely. I have no one I can really talk to, that I can tell what I feel and be okay with it.

 

 

I feel....terrible. I'd rather feel nothing than feel this bad. Only reason I'm not crushed and crying is because of those damn pills.

[MadGenius]

Terrible night....

 

I decided to go out to this gaming joint. Everyone was such an ass because I wasn't so eminently skilled as them, and one of my friends never showed up. I left after half an hour, feeling worse than before.

 

How am I supposed to KEEP doing this? Trying and failing...