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Lousy Day.

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Hey ENA,


I haven't been posting here as much as I feel like I am healing and all, but today has sucked big time.


First off, for the last two days I have been hit HARD by some bug or such. Fever, aches, lost my voice completely, just nasty. My town is a cruise ship destination port, and those things are basically floating petri dishes of germs and viruses.


So, I had to take two days off from work and try to sleep and rest. Problme is, I am not fully healed yet, and when I am inactive for that long my mind wanders down paths not fun. I am not missing her but missing having someone around when sick, OR just to do things with etc... Then today, when I finally crawled out to restock the DVD's, orange juice and green tea, I found out a oold acquiatance of mine is getting married Saturday. If HE is getting married and partnered up what the hell is happening to ME!


I guess I am feeling sorry for myself, and sliding into that malcontent stage of ruminating on what I don't have. I am hating this, and I know my winter plans include leaving here for three or so months, but the light is changing here, the fall is imminent, and winter is only a few weeks away and I am kind of scared of it all.


And to think this came about because of a failed relationship! Anyway, just thought I'd wirte and let it out. Call it my virus-vent.



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Ew, Eric I am so sorry first of all for you being sick. It is not fun at all especially when dealing with that on top of this healing. I would not be a happy camper. *sends soup and medicine* even though you have OJ and green tea (yum to both).


That really is how it always is, isn't it? Some person that you just secretly (or maybe not so secretly) figured would never step up there before you did and now this. You are at your most vulnerable though what with your immune system battling with your other systems to just calm you down and keep you healing both from the pain and from being sick. It is also scary when changes come upon you so quickly - like there is no time for decisions, everything seems hurried and you just want something interesting to happen in your life because it feels like it's happening for everyone else and not you.


Virus vent, that's a good way to think of it. Maybe something good will come of this sickness - a sudden burst of energy after being cooped up for so long and thinking about so many things. I'm looking back on what I typed and I don't think it was as supportive as I could have been, but I think I was just trying to make you feel better at the same time. I hope it worked.

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I know the same fear Eric, it's cold here tonight, and I have get hay in, firewood, all that winter stuff. It can be overwhelming. It is easier to face the hardship of life with someone else by your side.


I hope this won't insult you and I hope it brings a smile, we were in Sitka years ago and my daughter bought a t-shirt that said:

"Alaskan men - the odds are good

but the goods are odd"

bet that's an old one, I always chuckled about it, someone could have said that about me, odd goods,

Think of skiing

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You know what is funny? That is the second time someone has brought up that saying to me today (and both online!)


And just M.E. winter is my fave time of year, actually FALL, then winter, and every year I go through this at this time. Fearing it, the darkness, etc...but when it is finally here, I actually cherish and love it. The shoulder seasons are the hardest.


I just didn't anticipate another winter of being solo. I made decisions last year to try and prevent just this thing from happening. The best laid plans of mice and men...



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Yah, it's all the prep for winter that gets me antsy, once its here its too late to worry. It's really hard work for me, but it is also beautiful.

Yah, it's all those plans, dreams that sneak up behind us and bite us in the butt.

(and you thought I could write elequently ;-)

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LOL! Your words flow eloquently and cyrstalize your inner ruminations with a broad soliloquey of brilliance...(can you tell I grew up in a household of professors and academics)


I forgot too, considering I have lived in southeast Alaska for 17 years, I have never once made it down to Sitka. I want to, I hear it is beautiful (but nowhere near as beautiful as my little town here!)


Eric - thinking of driving to Whitehorse tomorrow to clear the head and enjoy the just starting to turn fall colors in the Yukon!

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You'll last through the winter, this I'm sure Eric. Whenever we get sick, or feel down about something our thoughts always seem to go to that happy place of being with our ex, like it would somehow make everything go away, even though we know it won't.


Don't fear anything to do with the changing of seasons, or your adventure that is ahead of you... In fact, think ONLY about the activities you plan on doing in your three months away! If any of them includes snowboarding or skiing in BC, especially near Big White, that's where I'll be haha. Probably a little to far out of reach, but you never know with those that enjoy the slopes.

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