An Introvert has lost faith in love...

[FreshMeat]

Hi,

 

I've been reading around this topic a bit and found some real wisdom in a few people's posts. Consequently, I began an account and decided I would see if I could be a part of this wonderful exchange of problems and answers.

 

My problem first. (Shows you where my priorities are, right off the bat.)

 

My name is Justin and I'm an introvert. I'm actually not debilitating shy, I just need time to myself to recover from being "on". I never really minded people giving me strange looks when I pulled out a book at lunch or the people who judged me socially retarded because I had a problem with small talk, etc. You've all heard this one before, I'm sure. It's actually a pretty common thing I've recently found, which is awesome. However, a big problem arose because of my lone wolf ways, and, like all of life's problems, it started with a girl.

 

She was amazing. Amazing is an understatement. She was a full moon on a quiet night. She was finding a twenty dollar bill on the sidewalk. She was a tree you saw budding and blooming in the spring, full and lush in the summer, glorious and fiery in autumn. She was hot, to say the least.

 

But that's not it; I'm not quite THAT shallow - I started watching her because of her laugh. It was always changing in pitch and tone. It was always real, never phony, that's what I loved about it - honest joy was what her laugh gave me. For a while I was content to watch from afar, but soon it became too much. The usual insecurities that come from years of social inexperience played their tune, however, and I was the tragic loser without the confidence to ask out the girl I had a crush on.

 

That went on for awhile until a nauseating mutual acquaintance said, "Like, Ohmygawd Justin, you're always so quiet but I see you blushing whenever you see XXXX. That's like, soooooo CUTE!" I contested, and turned an unhealthy shade of mauve, and before I knew it, XXXX asked ME out. My masculinity took a hit, but I was still on cloud nine.

 

Skip ahead a date and an awkward lead-in to a magical kiss. I thought I was in love. Before I could think up an appropriate way to express myself she asks me, "Why didn't you respond to my text the other day? That's really been bugging me." It must have been something important for her to get upset, I think, so I whipped out my seldom-used cell phone and checked the message in the inbox:

 

"See u tomoro"

 

I was confused. I asked if she had sent another one or something, but she said, "No, I was expecting an answer." I think I said something kind of sarcastic and she didn't like it...it's a blur. Things stagnated. She sent a couple more texts that I didn't have anything to respond to and before I knew it she was telling me I couldn't "communicate". WHAT THE -expletive deleted-? Admittedly I never really told her how I felt, but now I have kinda lost it.

 

I've lost faith in love, bottom line. Three relationships after that went about the same. Am I just attracted to the wrong women? Or am I the one at fault for not responding to every text?

 

Sorry about the novel-length, but that felt therapeutic. I really need some help, or at least some sappy stuff to make me feel better.

[melrich]

She was amazing. Amazing is an understatement. She was a full moon on a quiet night. She was finding a twenty dollar bill on the sidewalk. She was a tree you saw budding and blooming in the spring, full and lush in the summer, glorious and fiery in autumn. She was hot, to say the least.

 

 

It seems strange to me that you would not respond to a text from her. Even just a "Can't wait"

 

Did you not see the text till she mentioned it?

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

a introvert is a person who enjoys being alone, and rather be by themself than in a group of people.

 

and its not exactly the end of the road buddy.

[CynicalGuitarist]

I don't know why you're giving up... I mean, it's your choice... but hell, at least you've loved and lost. No girl's ever really given me a chance... well, except the ones I have no interest at all in, and I am proud of myself for avoiding faking interest in them just so I won't hurt their feelings. What does that have to do with anything? Nothing really. I don't encourage giving up on love, because it can cause serious harm to the subconscious (I know from personal experience), but in the end... it's your call.

[actiongirl]

Hi,

 

I am in a similar situation...however I am the girl. I totally understand why this girl is upset, your non reply seems to her like a form of rejection. By sending you a text, no matter how pointless, she is trying to do serveral things; the first is simply wanting to maintain contact. I send pointless texts as a window for the guy to start a conversation, perhaps to meet up, or something else. She wants to know you are thinking about her some of the time, that you want to see her, talk to her, be with her.

 

I feel at a loose end with the guy im dating as he doesnt reply to my messages to ofen, and it makes me hesistant to ask if he want to meet up, and think twice if he asks to meet up...is he actually into me?

 

Do you see what im saying?

[Tealc]

I never really minded people giving me strange looks when I pulled out a book at lunch or the people who judged me socially retarded because I had a problem with small talk, etc.

 

I think the last point here has everything to do with the thread.

 

She sent a couple more texts that I didn't have anything to respond to and before I knew it she was telling me I couldn't "communicate". WHAT THE -expletive deleted-?

 

Look, I know where you're coming from. I'm much the same way. I've worked with machines for most of my existence. When it comes to sharing information with people, my mindset has always been that if I don't need to know, or the other party doesn't need to know, or I otherwise don't have anything truly worth mentioning, then why bother.

 

At my workplace, you can see others talking about things in general and themselves. But not me. You won't see me asking someone about their weekend, hobbies, or opinions. Nope. I quickly discuss necessary work-related stuff and maybe crack a joke, then run off.

 

I might not have replied to the first 'see you tomorrow' text either, especially if the arrangements were already confirmed. By the second text, I think even I would feel compelled to reply somehow so as not to be rude. But it's very possible that I wouldn't know what to say either and not reply at all.

 

Let's face it. If everybody took my need-to-know approach, no one would ever be friends with anybody. 'Pointless' smalltalk gets the ball rolling to eventually form a bond with another human being.

 

Another thing to keep in mind is that dating is different from texting your buddies. It's an evaluation of your interest in each other as actiongirl suggested. People tend to go too far sometimes and analyze every word, every action of the person they're seeing. The point is you need to consider what message you send (no pun intended) with your actions or the lack thereof.

 

We have to change our ways if we ever want to succeed in the social arena.